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[i习作temp] issue173 第一篇习作,写了很久,请大家指教~ [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-8-15 21:40:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
173. Originality does not mean thinking something that was never thought before; it means putting old ideas together in new ways.

As the social developing fast, we’ve got so many new ideas to improve our life standard greatly. And I strongly agree with the idea that originality means to put old ideas in new ways rather than only to think something absolutely new. In retrospect, it’s easy to find out that we human beings have been showing progress in our minds and technology continuously. Newton, one of the most important and influential scientist once said, “If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants.”

Mankind has never stop taking originality ever since the human civilization appeared thousands of years ago. And most innovations were just the results of gaining new insights from restudying the old materials. Usually, the innovative ideas turns out naturally only to help us make life easier. For instance, people could now enjoy tasty bread every morning baked in an electrical oven. Anyone knows that the electrical oven is really convenient. To get delicious food, the only thing you have to do is to push the “on” button and wait. Whereas the appearance of this excellent machine is not without foundation, we know that the electrical oven come from an old-fashion oven which originated from a stove. Thus, all the inventor of the electrical oven have done is to use the electrical rather than traditional fuel providing energy. And a lot of other inventions like the oven also convince us that we are just utilize the ancestors’ ideas and improve them to make life easier. If the electric, fire, and strove did not exist, the electrical oven would not appear either. So originality is not going to happen by just thinking independently, it depends on experience or theoretical principle that summarized by our ancestors.

New idea does not happen occasionally, it occurs with precondition, and the artistic creation is no exception. As is known to all, like food and water, music has nourished man for generations. And we admire those works which are outstanding, special, impressive and profound as classical. To illustrate, Beethoven, one of the most famous artist who had great enthusiasm for music, attributed his early works to the influence of Mozart and Haydn. He heard and played many music of the Mozart’s and Haydn’s when he was young. So he created new fantastic music according to the inspiration of the old ones. Of course, other innovative ideas of art such as novel, sculpture, and drawing, also come from the original ones. Because nobody could finish writing a novel without reading one. We could never have a innovative thinking unless we get enough experience and knowledge.

Certainly, some revolutionary ideas seems to be never thought before. For example, Pasteur, who invented pasteurization, used vaccine to cure disease for the first time. However, the innovative idea of utilizing the bacteria itself to kill bacteria and cure patients was not ungrounded. This idea is the result of Pasteur’s former knowledge of microorganism. So he also took the use of the old ideas.

In conclusion, originality is just the idea that we put old one together in a new way. As a result, in order to get an innovative idea, it is necessary for us to gain enough valuable knowledge and relative experience.
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沙发
发表于 2009-8-16 00:50:13 |只看该作者
1# 青柠小可
自己给自己添点人气好了~~
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板凳
发表于 2009-8-17 14:50:58 |只看该作者
2# 青柠小可 还是无人问津~~呼~~~
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地板
发表于 2009-8-20 00:06:12 |只看该作者
173. Originalitydoes not mean thinking something that was never thought before; it meansputting old ideas together in new ways.

As the socialdeveloping fast, we’ve got so many new ideas to improve our life standardgreatly. And I strongly agree with the idea that originality means to put oldideas in new ways rather than only to think something absolutely new. Inretrospect, it’s easy to find out that we human beings have been showingprogress in our minds and technology continuously. Newton, one of the most important and influential scientistonce said, “If I have seenfarther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants.” proves Newton’sand many other’s comments toward what originality is.

Mankind has never stop taking originality ever since the humancivilization appeared thousands of years ago. And most innovations were justthe results of gaining new insights from restudying the old materials. Usually,the innovative ideas turn out naturally only to help us make life easier. Forinstance, people could now enjoy tasty bread every morning baked in anelectrical oven. Anyone knows that the electrical oven is really convenient. Toget delicious food, the only thing you have to do is to push the “on” buttonand wait beside one electric oven. Whereas the appearance of this excellentmachine is not without foundation, we know that the electrical oven come from anold-fashion oven which originated from a stove. Thus, all the inventor inventionof the electrical oven have done is to use the electrical rather thantraditional fuel providing energy. (这段我觉得你可以这么写Such oven, poweredby electricity, can be traced back to stove, then evolving into an electric one.当然语句可以更优美些,我这么写的意思是说要缩短这个例子,否则太冗长了,没必要。)
And a lot of other inventions like the ovenalso convince us that we are just utilize the ancestors’ ideas and improve themto make life easier. If the electric, fire(fire
是自然界的东西,只能说not yetdiscovered), and strove did not exist, the electrical oven wouldnot appear either. So originality is not going to happen by just thinking independently,it depends on experience or theoretical principle that summarized by ourancestors.

这里加句过渡递进的话New idea does nothappen occasionally, it occurs with precondition, and the artistic creation isno exception. As is known to all, like food and water, music has nourished manfor generations. And we admire those works which are outstanding, special,impressive and profound as classical. To illustrate, Beethoven, one of the mostfamous artist who had great enthusiasm for music, attributed his early works tothe influence of Mozart and Haydn. He heard(appreciated) and played many musicof the Mozart’s and Haydn’s when he was young. So he created new fantasticmusic according to the inspiration of the old ones. Of course, other innovativeideas of art such as novel, sculpture, and drawing, also come from the originalones. Because nobody could finish writing a novel without reading one. We couldnever have a innovative thinking unless we get enough experience and knowledge.

Certainly, somerevolutionary ideas seems to be never thought before, which illustrate another aspect of originality. For example,Pasteur, who invented pasteurization, used vaccine to cure disease for thefirst time. However, the innovative idea of utilizing the bacteria itself tokill bacteria and cure patients was not ungrounded. This idea is the result ofPasteur’s former knowledge of microorganism. So he also took the use of the oldideas.

Inconclusion, originality is just the idea that we put old one together in a newway. As a result, in order to get an innovative idea, it is necessary for us togain enough valuable knowledge and relative experience.
总体不错,我觉得应该加入更多的一些逻辑的推理。这样很多都是例子,虽然能看得懂也说的明白,但是总觉得应该写的更深刻些。
以上意见仅个人看法。
欢迎点评我的issuehttps://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=998055&amp

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发表于 2009-8-20 00:08:45 |只看该作者
发现一发上来原来有删除线的语句都没有删除线了。那建议需要删除的部分改用下划线。
As the socialdeveloping fast, we’ve got so many new ideas to improve our life standardgreatly. And I strongly agree with the idea that originality means to put oldideas in new ways rather than only to think something absolutely new. Inretrospect, it’s easy to find out that we human beings have been showingprogress in our minds and technology continuously. Newton, one of the most important and influential scientistonce said, “If I haveseen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants.” proves Newton’sand many other’s comments toward what originality is.

Mankind has never stop taking originality ever since the humancivilization appeared thousands of years ago. And most innovations were justthe results of gaining new insights from restudying the old materials. Usually,the innovative ideas turn out naturally only to help us make life easier. Forinstance, people could now enjoy tasty bread every morning baked in anelectrical oven. Anyone knows that the electrical oven is really convenient. Toget delicious food, the only thing you have to do is to push the “on” buttonand wait beside one electric oven. Whereas the appearance of this excellentmachine is not without foundation, we know that the electrical oven come from anold-fashion oven which originated from a stove. Thus, all the inventor inventionof the electrical oven have done is to use the electrical rather thantraditional fuel providing energy. (这段我觉得你可以这么写Such oven, poweredby electricity, can be traced back to stove, then into an electric one.)
And a lot of other inventions like the ovenalso convince us that we are just utilize the ancestors’ ideas and improve themto make life easier. If the electric, fire(fire
是自然界的东西,只能说not yetdiscovered), and strove did not exist, the electrical oven wouldnot appear either. So originality is not going to happen by just thinking independently,it depends on experience or theoretical principle that summarized by ourancestors.

这里加句过渡递进的话New idea does nothappen occasionally, it occurs with precondition, and the artistic creation isno exception. As is known to all, like food and water, music has nourished manfor generations. And we admire those works which are outstanding, special,impressive and profound as classical. To illustrate, Beethoven, one of the mostfamous artist who had great enthusiasm for music, attributed his early works tothe influence of Mozart and Haydn. He heard(appreciated) and played many musicof the Mozart’s and Haydn’s when he was young. So he created new fantasticmusic according to the inspiration of the old ones. Of course, other innovativeideas of art such as novel, sculpture, and drawing, also come from the originalones. Because nobody could finish writing a novel without reading one. We couldnever have a innovative thinking unless we get enough experience and knowledge.

Certainly, somerevolutionary ideas seems to be never thought before, which illustrate another aspect of originality. For example,Pasteur, who invented pasteurization, used vaccine to cure disease for thefirst time. However, the innovative idea of utilizing the bacteria itself tokill bacteria and cure patients was not ungrounded. This idea is the result ofPasteur’s former knowledge of microorganism. So he also took the use of the oldideas.

Inconclusion, originality is just the idea that we put old one together in a newway. As a result, in order to get an innovative idea, it is necessary for us togain enough valuable knowledge and relative experience.
总体不错,我觉得应该加入更多的一些逻辑的推理。这样很多都是例子,虽然能看得懂也说的明白,但是总觉得应该写的更深刻些。
以上意见仅个人看法。
欢迎点评我的issuehttps://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=998055&amp

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发表于 2009-8-20 01:21:25 |只看该作者
5# roughman
感谢楼上这么认真的改我的文章!我会认真改错!加油!~~~
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发表于 2010-8-31 00:59:35 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 sapid 于 2010-8-31 01:10 编辑

I am sorry but this essay missed to start with the thesis statement in the openeing paragraph. Rather, the quotation can be a very good example and a strong support for author's position on the TOPIC if it is put clearly in the first place.

However, the sentence "So originality is not going to happen by just thinking independently,it depends on experience or theoretical principle that summarized by ourancestors. " in the second paragraph, could have been put in the beginning as author's position on the given statement. and the rest of body paragraphs can be considered as examples of it.

The concluding paragraph didnt go well also. It only copied the given statement in the TOPIC. it must rephrase authors thesis statement and to be consistant with the author's viewpoint in the essay. and the next sentense is just appear irrelevant.

Just my guess, may get the score of 3 or 4.

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RE: issue173 第一篇习作,写了很久,请大家指教~ [修改]
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