寄托家园留学论坛
标题: 锤先森G330__issue习作集合贴 [打印本页]
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-20 01:14:17 标题: 锤先森G330__issue习作集合贴
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-29 09:19 编辑
楼 主 公 告
本人（锤先森G330）为寄托ID3603995的持有人，现通过本论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本人的所有习作及互改记录
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本人基本信息：
英语背景：2015年7月11日，托福作文29分；
考试记录：2015年4月25日 GRE 1战 AW 3.0; 2战考试时间：2015年9月6日
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习作点评：
第一轮写作（2015/5/27-2015/6/16）
2楼 Issue 17/68 2稿
4楼 Issue 15/135 1稿
8楼 Argument 32 2稿
9楼 Issue 13 2稿
12楼 Argument 71 2稿 pass
18楼 Argument 1 1稿
19楼 Issue 62 1稿
28楼 Issue 113 提纲
29楼 Argument 73 1稿
30楼 Issue 33/109 1稿
31楼 Argument 31 1稿
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第二轮写作（2015/7/13-）
33楼 Issue 15 2稿
34楼 Argument 32 2稿
36楼 Issue 13 2稿
38楼 Argument 85=87 2稿
39楼 Issue 91 1稿
40楼 Argument 54 1稿
43楼 Issue 78 1稿
42楼 Argument 62=121=122=124 1稿
44楼 Issue 100 1稿
46楼 Argument 100 1稿
52楼 Issue 105 1稿
53楼 Argument 34 1稿
54楼 Issue 57 2稿
56楼 Argument 135 2稿
58楼 Issue 1 2稿 改写
59楼 Argument 14 2稿 内容问题还需调整
60楼 Issue 2 1稿，未点评
61楼 Issue 119 1稿，未点评
62楼 Issue 3 1稿，未点评
64楼 Argument 6 1稿，未点评
66楼 Issue 108 1稿
68楼 Argument 132 1稿，未点评
71楼 Issue 20 1稿，未点评
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专题活动
55楼 以Issue57为例--文章的连贯和呼应
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-20 01:15:49
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-22 10:22 编辑
Issue 17=Issue 68
Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
2015/5/23 16:20
2nd edition
Nowadays, some people increasingly emphasize the significance of the diversity of formal education. They hold the view that formal education nowadays tends to restrain people’s minds and spirits rather than set them free. As far as I am concerned, whether this statement is convincing depends on the type of the students. For primary school students, the education they get has already been stressing one’s creativity and thus set their minds free. For middle school students who have to deal with the stress of entrance examination, the education they received tends to restrain their minds and spirits. Finally, college school education tends to both set student’s mind free.
本段修改说明：根据之后的主题句修改删减最后一句话
entrance examination- college ...
主旨句的最后一句好像没写完
To begin with, the education that primary school students nowadays received usually set students’ minds and spirits free. On the one hand, in many Chinese primary school, students have access to choose varieties of courses such as piano, football or traditional Chinese painting by their own, and they are also available to choose teacher that they like most. Furthermore, they can arrange their own class schedule according to their own situation. And students have to earn a certain amount of credits in this type of classes in order to graduate. On the other hand, primary school teachers nowadays stress more on cultivating student’s different types of capacity, because of less competence pressure that primary school students have to deal with, and of the development of the science and technology. Consequently, students’ minds in this type of education are less likely to be confined in their academic works. Therefore, it’s safe to say that formal education tends to set the primary school students’ minds free.
have access to choose表达
they are also available 表达
they can arrange their own class schedule according to their own situation. 小学生可以么？
你On the one hand后面的内容并没有和主题句的观点关联起来
本段修改说明：
1 1st 中既然已经提到了学生和老师两个方面，那么这一次我就干脆把二者拆开来写，用on the one hand.... on the other hand 连接，我觉得这样是不是层次和思路更清晰一些？
2 第一个理由后面又加了：学生可以根据喜好选择老师，根据个人情况安排时间，这样我觉得更能说明set their minds free? 但是总觉得还应该加一句话透彻说明例子和set free 的关系，但又担心说不好。。。听下老师的意见呢？
3 老师画下划线的应该都是要修改的地方吧？我不太清楚老师的批改符号但是大概猜到了...第一次那个emancipate one's mind 我本来想写解放思想的，现在想想这个也不完全等价 set mind free...
emancipate这个词通常是指解放 和 释放 意义不同
Further, unfortunately, we have to concede that the formal education does restrain middle school students’ spirits. In order to get a good grade and successfully pass the college entrance examination, middle school students have to focus their mind on academic work. For instance, there are too many students in China while the number of university with high quality is limited. As a result, the middle school students in China have to study very late at night and students just study the subjects that relate to the examination, and many of them hold the view that knowledge that taught by teachers or exhibited in textbooks is constantly right. Consequently, not to mention having a free mind, many Chinese students even lost the the ability of questioning, researching and probing that lay the foundation for owning a free mind. Hence, it’s inevitable to say that the middle school education confines the student’s mind.
本段修改说明：
删除了老师之前说的偏题的情况，看来原先的思路还是不合适，一开始觉得可能有风险，但抱着练习作文试试的态度还是没改，同时补充了“很多中国学生认为老师和课本说的知识都是对的”来说明中学生的思想禁锢。
你这段一开始说有考试压力 但是到了后面却变成了说knowledge that taught by teachers or exhibited in textbooks is constantly right.
这前后的关联不明显啊
Finally, although sometimes the formal education will still restrain the college school students’ mind, most time also set them free, and this is not contradictory. For one thing, students in the most of the colleges in the world have to face final examination in order to graduate. And their minds are easily to be restrained when they want to get well prepared for the test, like middle school students. However, at most time, there are increasing number of students are required to take participate in researches and seminar courses dueing school years, especially the students that major in science and technology. The students’ creativity will be greatly illuminated and their spirits also will be set free during these processes. Plus, college students have more chance to participate in social activities, which is also help to emancipate their minds.
本段修改说明
老师的意思是改成单方向说大学会set students' mind free， 在原来的基础上我想了一下，调整为只在考试的时候会restrain mind, 但是大多数时候为了面对一系列的研究等活动，学生的思想还是free 的，这样我觉得是不是更有利于复杂性观点?想和老师讨论下这个观点？
there are increasing number of students are required 语法
分层次讨论已经让观点足够复杂 你目前的问题不是观点复杂 而是如何在中间段的层面有效的支持论点 尤其是要注意句子之间的连贯和衔接 也就是说前一个句子讲的内容 在后一个句子里还得接着讲
To sum up, formal education have different influence on different types of students’ minds. It is more likely that the primary school students’ and college students' minds will be set free however the middle school students’ minds will be restrained.
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-5-24 15:08:09
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-5-20 01:15 
Issue 17=Issue 68
Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them fr ...
我之前改的版本你删掉了么 以后请保留
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-24 20:22:48
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-22 10:24 编辑
Issue 15=Issue 135
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
My response:
2015/5/24 1st edition
Nowadays, some people think that educational institutions should try their best to let students to choose fields of study that will get them prepared them for lucrative careers. However, I suggest that whether this statement is true depends on the type of the students. For students who haven’t know their interest clearly, encouraging them to choose a certain kind of field may impede their future development. For students who know what they like while have some living problems, encouraging them to study in these fields will actually help them to do what they like finally. Plus, educational institutions should also decide whether a student is suitable for studying a certain kind of career before they encourage students to study.
is true depends on 语法
depends on the type of the students 这个type的说法太笼统了
have some living problems 不懂你的意思 在主旨句中出现这种让人看不懂的说法是非常严重的 这说明你还不具备能够自己想出好的观点的能力
针对challenge的题目 主旨句里应该概括可能的挑战
To begin with, for students who haven’t know their interest clearly, encouraging this kind of students to study fields that will get people prepared for a lucrative careers may impede their own development. Some students might have outstanding talent in some fields that may not get them prepared for a lucrative life. However, their talent may be helpful for the development of society. For instance, Van Gogh, who was one of the most famous artists in the world, experienced a difficult life during his life time. When he was a student and didn’t really know his interest, he was encouraged by his parents to study anatomy, which would enable him to be a good doctor and earned lots of money. Fortunately, Van Gogh abandoned to study it and then became a good artist. Consequently, our world may lost many talents if educational institutions encourage students to choose subjects to study in order to enable them be ready for lucrative careers.
study fields 搭配
梵高的例子在这里很不合适 梵高有选过科目么 你就知道梵高
题目说的是educational institution 不是parents
而且你的主题句也没有很好的概括后文
Further, some students have their own hobby while have to deal with life problems. Therefore it is necessary for educational institutions to encourage them to choose fields to study in order to get them prepared for lucrative careers, and thence enable them to catch what they like. To illustrate, according to the Maslow’s theory of the hierarchy of needs, physical needs lay the foundation for the pursuit of the higher needs. At many times, people can pursue their ideal life only when they have a certain amount of money, which is a type of physical need. For instance, although Edison liked science very much, he had to work for at least five factories when he was young in order to solve his basic living problems. He couldn’t finish enormous of scientific researches without having some money. Therefore, letting this kind of students to study fields that will make money will also help them to catch what they like.
deal with life problems指的是什么
你想说 financial problem?
爱迪生有选科么 爱迪生有学校劝他么 你写文章前读下题目好么
Finally, educational institutions should know whether a student is suitable for studying a certain kind of job in order to get them better prepared for lucrative careers. Recent years, medical care and chemical analyst are the two of the most lucrative careers. However, people in these careers need to have some qualities like carefulness and hard-working. Consequently, if educational institutions tell a carless and lazy student to study this fields, he or she still can’t be successful in his or her future career. To sum up, before deciding whether a student is suitable for studying a certain kind of field, educational institution should well know he or she in order to get them better prepared for a lucrative career.
你这里哪里有对方的challenge 你到底看过我写的这类题目的文章没
你最起码要会用 Some people may argue that … 这种句型吧
To sum, for students who don’t know what they like, encouraging them to study fields mentioned above may actually impede students’ development. However, for those people who have personal interest but don’t have much money, encouraging them to study these fields can be a good way. And educational institutions should decide carefully whether a student can be suitable for studying a certain field.
我觉得你今天写的这个全文就是浪费时间 建议你接下来先写提纲 不要急着写全文
而且提纲最好参考我的思路来写
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-24 20:24:31
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-5-24 20:36 编辑
tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-24 15:08
我之前改的版本你删掉了么 以后请保留
不好意思老师。。。之前修改觉得帖子太长先剪切了结果忘了粘回来了。。。下次不会了！另起一楼修改好了！，此外，马上按着老师的意见去修改！才看见。。
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-5-25 21:10:08
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-5-24 20:22
Issue 15=Issue 135
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fiel ...
已点评
作者: sokiller 时间: 2015-5-25 23:32:59
抱歉这么晚给你点评 希望能帮到你
Nowadays, some people think that educational institutions should try their best to let students to (使能动词可以不用接to) choose fields of study that will get them prepared them（可以删掉） for lucrative careers. However, I suggest that whether this statement is true depends on the type of the students. For students who haven’t know（时态） their interest clearly, encouraging them to choose a certain kind of field may impede their future development. For students who know what they like while have some living problems, encouraging them to study in these fields（哪种field呢？） will actually help them to do what they like finally. Plus, educational institutions should also decide whether a student is suitable for studying a certain kind of career before they encourage students to study.
To begin with, for students who haven’t know their interest clearly, encouraging this kind of students to study fields that will get people prepared for a lucrative careers may impede their own development. Some students might（may） have outstanding talent in some fields that may not get them prepared for a lucrative life（career）. However（前后并无转折关系，貌似是递进）, their talent may be helpful for the development of society. For instance, Van Gogh, who was one of the most famous artists in the world, experienced a difficult life during his life time. When he was a student and didn’t really know his interest, he was encouraged by his parents to study anatomy, which would enable him to be a good doctor and earned lots of money. Fortunately, Van Gogh abandoned to study it and then became a good artist. Consequently, our world may lost many talents if educational institutions encourage students to choose subjects to study in order to enable them be ready for lucrative careers.
Further, some students have their own hobby while have to deal with life problems. Therefore it is necessary for educational institutions to encourage them to choose fields to study in order to get them prepared for lucrative careers, and thence enable them to catch what they like. To illustrate, according to the Maslow’s theory of the hierarchy of needs, physical needs lay the foundation for the pursuit of the higher needs. At many times, people can pursue their ideal life only when they have a certain amount of money, which is a type of physical need. For instance, although Edison liked science very much, he had to work for at least five factories when he was young in order to solve his basic living problems. He couldn’t finish enormous of scientific researches without having some money. Therefore, letting this kind of students to study fields that will make money（related to lucrative careers） will also help them to catch what they like.
Finally, educational institutions should know（前文说的是decide？？） whether a student is suitable for studying a certain kind of job in order to get them better prepared for lucrative careers. Recent years, medical care and chemical analyst are the two of the most lucrative careers. However, people in these careers need to have some qualities like carefulness and hard-working. Consequently, if educational institutions tell a carless（careless） and lazy student to study this fields, he or she still can’t be successful in his or her future career. To sum up, before deciding whether a student is suitable for studying a certain kind of field, educational institution should well know he or she in order to get them better prepared for a lucrative career.
To sum, for students who don’t know what they like, encouraging them to study fields mentioned above may actually impede students’ development. However, for those people who have personal interest but don’t have much money, encouraging them to study these fields can be a good way. And educational institutions should decide（貌似还是用know更好） carefully whether a student can be suitable for studying a certain field.
分论点1论点与本段讨论内容有脱节，分论点是讨论妨碍个人发展，但后面的内容似乎是讨论不利于社会的发展；第三分论点似乎不是很明确的在挑战自己的观点；其他的都很好！一起加油！
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-27 02:43:46
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-5-29 22:05 编辑
Argument
32 The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
第一次在王老师这写argument, 心里没底，第一次先抄了一篇, argument不要结尾也可以对吧？
可否描述一下你是怎么抄的？我是鼓励大家抄的。不过要抄之有道。不要结尾好像也可以。
回答老师：我抄老师的主要抄两个方面吧，第一是抄结构，思路，也就是老师在博客里写种种，第二是句式，对于自己不熟悉的表达借鉴下老师的，在抄的同时为避免相似度太高努力进行同义句转换。
My response:
The arguer recommended shortening the work shifts so the number of accident will be reduced and the productivity will be increased with the belief that the measure could enable the workers get more sleep. Lots of assumptions about the factor that causes fewer accidents in Panoply, the relationship among work hours, fatigue, lack of sleep and accidents have to be reexamined in order to correctly evaluate the argument.
嗯 写得不错
感觉assumption和reexamined之间隔得太多内容了
Firstly, the author assumed that the reason why Panoply had 30% fewer accidents is due to the shorter work shifts for workers. This assumption has to be examined carefully because other reasons might cause the same situation. For example, it is the working condition in Quiot are more dangerous that lead the higher risks of accidents. Or there were just fewer workers working in Panoply than in Quiot. If these are the main reasons leading to the gap in the number of accidents, the recommendation wouldn’t help close the gap.
reasons might cause搭配
it is the working condition in Quiot are more dangerous句子结构
lead the higher risks缺to
注意情态动词的使用 因为这里讨论的是可能的情况 见博客321楼
the gap of ...
Further, it is also assumed that the Quiot workers would have chance to get more sleep and not feel tired at the work time by shortening the shifts. So many factors could also affect the amount of sleep and the energy level of the workers. To illustrate, some people like staying up playing computer games or hanging out with friends in the bars until mid-nights. These people prefer lifestyles that lead to sleep deprivation. Plus, some workers sometimes have to take other part-time jobs in order to extra money due to the low salary paid by Quiot. And obviously it will also reduce the sleeping time and energy level of the workers. Consequently, adopting the recommendation would not achieve the initial goal if the sleep deprivation and fatigue are caused by factors mentioned above.
due to the low salary paid by Quiot - probably because the salary paid by Quiot was too low
注意这里是猜测 不能写得太肯定
整段的情态动词和语气都要调整
Finally, the author also assumed that the number of accidents will be reduced if workers get enough sleep. The proposal may not reduce the number of accidents even if reducing the work can help workers sleep more. Some factors could also cause the accidents at Quiot. For instance, workers may lack necessary training about the self-protection or the supervisors are derelict in their work. Or the facilities in Quiot needs to be updated and thus reduce the risk of accidents. Accordingly, the recommendation shouldn’t be accepted unless there are no reason other than lack of sleep can cause the accidents.
there are no reason other than lack of sleep can cause the accidents.
经典there be 句型错误
2015/5/29 21:02 第二稿
The arguer recommended shortening the workshifts so the number of accident will be reduced and the productivity will beincreased with the belief that the measure could enable the workers get moresleep. Lots of assumptions have to be reexamined in order to correctly evaluatethe argument. These assumption include the factor that causes fewer accidentsin Panoply, the relationship among work hours, fatigue, lack of sleep andaccidents.
根据老师建议把原来的一句话拆成了两句，避免了单句太长。
assumtpions include 后面跟factor 等不太合适
或许换成involve会好些
Firstly, the author assumed that the reasonwhy Panoply had 30% fewer accidents is due to the shorter work shifts forworkers. This assumption has to be examined carefully because other factorsmight cause the same situation. For example, it might be the much moredangerous working condition in Quiot that lead to the higher risks ofaccidents. Or there were just fewer workers working in Panoply than in Quiot.If these are the main reasons leading to the gap of the number of accidents, the recommendation wouldn’t helpclose the gap.
the reason ... is due to 这个表达不对
the reason why is that the company has shorter work shifts ...
Or there were just fewer workers working in Panoply than in Quiot. 这个后面应该加一句
Further, it is also assumed that the Quiotworkers would have chance to get more sleep and not feel tired at the work timeby shortening the shifts. So many factors could also affect the amount of sleepand the energy level of the workers. To illustrate, some people might likestaying up playing computer games or hanging out with friends in the bars untilmid-nights. Thus these people prefer lifestyles that lead to sleep deprivation.Plus, some workers sometimes may have to take other part-time jobs in order toextra money probably because the salary paid by Quiot was too low. And it can alsoreduce the sleeping time and energy level of the workers. Consequently,adopting the recommendation would not achieve the initial goal if the sleepdeprivation and fatigue are caused by factors mentioned above.
根据王老师的建议增补了几个might, could之类的情态动词进去，增强推测性
likestaying up- likes to stay
Thus these people prefer -> In other words, these people may prefer ...
because the salary paid by Quiot was too low
probably because the salary paid by Quiot was too low
Finally, the author also assumed that thenumber of accidents will be reduced if workers get enough sleep. The proposalmay not reduce the number of accidents even if reducing the work can helpworkers sleep more. Some factors could also cause the accidents at Quiot. Forinstance, workers may lack necessary training about the self-protection or thesupervisors are derelict in their work. Or the facilities in Quiot needs to beupdated and thus reduce the risk of accidents. Accordingly, the recommendationshouldn’t be accepted unless there is no reason other than lack of sleep can causethe accidents.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-27 19:59:51
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-5-29 21:52 编辑
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
My Outline:
I agree with the statement that every university student should take a variety of courses outside their field of study. Taking a variety of courses helps students study their major more effectively, enables them to make more friends. However, universities should encourage rather than require their students to take this kind of jobs, so students can arrange their work time and study time by their own situation.
Taking a variety of courses要换表达
take this kind of jobs- courses
by their own situation表达
To begin with, it is essential for students nowadays to take a variety of courses outside their field of study, because they could study with higher efficiency if they have different kinds of knowledge. To illustrate, if a history major student has learned the knowledge of computer programming, he or she can use the mathematical model that constructed by computer programming to quickly analysis many things about history, such as the change of population density after the Second World War. On the contrary, if a history major student without computer programming knowledge also wants to analyze the population density mentioned before, he or she must go to the library and look up all statistics of population in numerous documentaries, which will cost a lot of time and energy. Consequently, it is better for students to take extra courses outside their field of study.
ok 这段写的不错
Further, learning knowledge outside someone’s field of study enables he or she has chance to contact with different kind of people and even make friends with them. And this is also helpful for them in their future career. As we all know, friends are the people who have a similar series of worldview, values and philosophy. Your friends’ behavior may impact you largely and their help is significant especially when you are in trouble. To illustrate, Gates had access to computer knowledge when he was even a middle school student, which was also a kind of knowledge outside his field at that time, and this made him meet his best friend Allen. They influenced and helped each other and ultimately developed Microsoft. Therefore, taking courses outside the student’s field can be useful and may have a profound influence on his or her future career.
这段的例子偏了 题目是require courses 你可以写交朋友 比如文科生修读计算机课的时候可以认识程序员 说不定以后创业时用得上
或者工科生修读文科 遇上文艺青年 可以从另一个角度看世界等等
However, some people may hold the view that requiring students to take a variety of courses outside their field of study will occupy much of their time, which would have a negative effect on their major course study. Hence, I agree more with the statement that universities should encourage rather than require their students to take this kind of courses aforementioned. Consequently, students can arrange their time flexibly and thus fully use their time to study all course they have. Plus, universities can also give some instruction when their students have trouble in choosing their courses.
这样写就和你前面的立场矛盾了
你可以说 允许学生以pass or fail来修这些课程 不必担心影响GPA 这样也轻松一些
To sum up, I agree with the idea that universities should encourage their students to have a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study. On the one hand, choosing course outside someone’s field will help him or her study his or her major more effectively. On the other hand, taking this kind of course give students chances to make friends, and the friends they have may have a significant influence on them even on their future career.
2015/5/29 20:20 第二稿
I agree with the statement that every university student should take a variety of courses outside their field of study. Having a variety of courses helps students study their major more effectively, enables them to make more friends. However, universities shouldn't associate the grade of this kind of courses with a certain student's grade point average(GPA), therefore students could study with less pressure and their major courses' study will not be influenced severely.
不知道“将学生的成绩和绩点联系起来”能不能这样表达啊。。。
However这句话 首先要注意断句 就是到therefore之前就要句号了 很好奇你为什么会继续往下写 断句的问题很多同学都有 参考
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1826774-1-1.html 的3.3
另外universities shouldn't associate the grade of this kind of courses with a certain student's grade point average(GPA)这个说法很别扭
While some people may be concerned with the potential harm of this policy on students' GPA, I believe that the university should allow students to take such courses under the pass/fail mode without worrying about getting a lower letter grade.
To begin with, it is essential for students nowadays to take a variety of courses outside their field of study, because they could study with higher efficiency if they have different kinds of knowledge. To illustrate, if a history major student has learned the knowledge of computer programming, he or she can use the mathematical model that constructed by computer programming to quickly analysis many things about history, such as the change of population density after the Second World War. On the contrary, if a history major student without computer programming knowledge also wants to analyze the population density mentioned before, he or she must go to the library and look up all statistics of population in numerous documentaries, which will cost a lot of time and energy. Consequently, it is better for students to take extra courses outside their field of study.
that constructed by 语法
to quickly analysis 词性
这段正反论述挺好
如果能引入 method这个概念会更清晰
Further, learning knowledge outside someone’s field of study enables he or she has chance to contact with different kind of people and even make friends with them. And this is also helpful for them in their future career. As we all know, friends are the people who have a similar series of worldview, values and philosophy. Your friends’ behavior may impact you largely and their help is significant especially when you are in trouble. To illustrate, when an economy major student is required to study computer programming course, he or she has the chance to make friends with good programmers, who might play an essential role in his or her future career. Because the computer programmer might bring the idea of programing to his or her work. Therefore, taking courses outside the student’s field can be useful and may have a profound influence on his or her future career.
enables he or she has chance 表达
As we all know, friends are the people who have a similar series of worldview, values and philosophy. Your friends’ behavior may impact you largely and their help is significant especially when you are in trouble.
这两句基本上废话
programming对career的影响 没有说清楚
an economy major- economics
However, some people may hold the view that requiring students to take a variety of courses outside their field of study will occupy much of their time, which would have a negative effect on their major courses study. Hence, I agree more with the idea that universities should require their students to have extra-field classes, but it’s not a good way for school to associate the grade of this kind of class with a certain student’s GPA. Modern students concern more about their GPA in school, so relating the grade with GPA can put much pressure on students when they are studying. Consequently, students have to spend a lot of time studying hard in order to get a good grade. And it will incredibly have a negative effect on their major field study.
extra-field classes ？
断句的问题
一般来说一个句子里只能有一个主句加从句 不能出现两组主句从句
To sum up, I agree with the idea that universities should require their students to have a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study without link their grades to GPA. On the one hand, choosing course outside someone’s field will help him or her study his or her major more effectively. On the other hand, taking this kind of course give students chances to make friends, and the friends they have may have a significant influence on them even on their future career.
修改体会：
写主旨句立意的时候要特别注意前后立场的矛盾可能性，不要随便更改题目的原话，比如这里require在一稿里改成了encourage就有矛盾的风险，应该探讨另一种可能性，提出更好的方法（比如老师的考核方式的改变），来削弱原题目的观点。
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-5-27 21:50:56
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-5-27 19:59
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's fie ...
已点评
作者: 艾小卉 时间: 2015-5-27 22:18:54
Further, learning knowledge outside someone’s field of study enables he or she has chance to contact with different kind of people and even make friends with them. And this is also helpful for them in their future career. As we all know, friends are the people who have a similar series of worldview, values and philosophy. Your friends’ behavior may impact you largely and their help is significant especially when you are in trouble. To illustrate, Gates had access to computer knowledge when he was even a middle school student, which was also a kind of knowledge outside his field at that time, and this made him meet his best friend Allen. They influenced and helped each other and ultimately developed Microsoft. Therefore, taking courses outside the student’s field can be useful and may have a profound influence on his or her future career.
个人觉得：friends对你的影响这个应该是多余了，应该还是以required courses outside fields 为核心展开，除了老师说的那个文科生创业，我觉得也可以说文科生在大学期间学习电脑知识，在当今的信息化时代，以后工作中会有很多运用电脑的地方。
However, some people may hold the view that requiring students to take a variety of courses outside their field of study will occupy much of their time, which would have a negative effect on their major course study. Hence, I agree more with the statement that universities should encourage rather than require their students to take this kind of courses aforementioned. Consequently, students can arrange their time flexibly and thus fully use their time to study all course they have. Plus, universities can also give some instruction when their students have trouble in choosing their courses.
想和你讨论一下：你在之前是agree的，但是在这一段变成了enourage（在感情上是让步）,老师说这样的逻辑不对是因为既然前面agree the opinion,后面就不可以让步是么，还是要坚持原来的观点？
一点点个人意见，也欢迎你指正我的文章！
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-28 20:57:22
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-5-31 22:03 编辑
71). The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.
"Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
My response:
According to the letter, Waymarsh should introduce a policy similar to that of Garville to encourage more drivers to share rides with others to solve a perceived traffic problem. This policy will be better than the road building project proposed by the city council. To evaluate this argument, we need more evidence about the surveys indicating the traffic problem, the policy implemented in Garville that is now proposed for Waymarsh, as well as its strengths and weaknesses relative to the road construction plan.
To begin with, we need to examine the surveys more critically to decide if there is indeed a traffic problem in Waymarsh. On the one hand, with the environmental problems becoming more severe, more and more people prefer to live in the suburb area. Obviously, their commuting time will increase if they still work in the city center. On the other hand, the subjects in the two surveys may be different. For instance, during these years, the development of Waymarsh have attracted many young people to come and work in there. However, due to the high house price, they couldn’t afford buying a house in the city immediately and they had to live far away from the city center where they worked. And most subjects in the latter survey were this kind of person. Three years before, most people interviewed by reporter were local people, whose family had lived in city center for a long time. Thus, more information about the survey has to be given in order to correctly evaluate it.
On the one hand, with the environmental problems becoming more severe, more and more people prefer to live in the suburb area. 你这句话好像是在陈述事实 这个是不对的 argument很多讨论都是可能性
due to the high house price, 这完全是你自己YY的吧
你只能说有这种可能性
interviewed by reporter 是survey 不是interview
In addition, we need to collect more information about how the policy has changed the traffic in Garvile and how a similar policy will affect people’s behaviors in Waymarsh. For instance, the government might also implemented a strict policy in order to control the pollution emission at the same time. In other word, maybe the decrease of the pollution level was not caused by the rides-sharing policy. Further, more compelling evidence the arguer should give about whether the commute time in Garville was really decrease. Maybe people being interviewed didn’t want to say negative things about their hometown. Plus, even though the rides-sharing policy was effective in Garville, this policy may not be accepted by Waymarsh people, as most people live in Waymarsh are wealthy and thus concern more about privacy and safety.
implemented a strict policy on what?
pollution emission from where?
Maybe people being interviewed didn’t want to say negative things about their hometown. 你以为这是天朝啊
Finally, we need to compare the cost and benefits of the ride sharing policy with the proposed road and project. The arguer failed to give evidence such as data to support his or her statement. To illustrate, the road can be used for at least 30 years and thus it is an one-off investment. Compared with giving people coupons for free gas for 30 years, constructing road may even be a more cost-effective way. Additionally, the government can also give some compensation fees to people when constructing the roads, and this also might save much more money of the government. Accordingly, the author should give more quantitative data to bolster his or her idea.
The arguer failed to give evidence such as data to support his or her statement. what statement?
2015/5/31 Second edition
My response:
According to the letter, Waymarsh should introduce a policy similar to that of Garville to encourage more drivers to share rides with others to solve a perceived traffic problem. This policy will be better than the road building project proposed by the city council. To evaluate this argument, we need more evidence about the surveys indicating the traffic problem, the policy implemented in Garville that is now proposed for Waymarsh, as well as its strengths and weaknesses relative to the road construction plan.
先粘贴到notepad里再贴过来 可免去word里的格式
To begin with, we need to examine the surveys more critically to decide if there is indeed a traffic problem in Waymarsh. Maybe the environmental problem in the Waymarsh becomes increasingly severe and thus renders more people move outside. Consequently, they spend much time on commuting to the work. Plus, the subjects in the two surveys may be different. For instance, maybe most of the subjects in the first survey are local people and have been living in the city center for a long time. While most of the subjects in the latter interview are new comers of the city and have to live far away from the city center where they work. Therefore, the commuting time of the latter subjects is incredibly longer than the former subjects. Thus, more information about the survey has to be given in order to correctly evaluate it.
move outside - move further away from the city center
latter subjects- latter group of subjects 写得不错 在我的思路基础上自己想了其他可能性
In addition, we need to collect more information about how the policy has changed the traffic in Garvile and how a similar policy will affect people's behaviors in Waymarsh. For instance, the government might also implemented a strict policy on industry in order to control the pollution emission from the factories and coal mines at the same time. In other word, maybe the decrease of the pollution level was not caused by the rides-sharing policy. Further, more compelling evidence the arguer should give about whether the commute time in Garville was really decrease. The statement from residents is subjective and hence can't reflect the true fact precisely. Plus, even though the rides-sharing policy was effective in Garville, this policy may not be accepted by Waymarsh people, as most people live in Waymarsh are wealthy and thus concern more about privacy and safety.
might also implemented 这种问题要自己检查一下
In other words这句写得不错
Further, more compelling evidence the arguer should give about whether the commute time in Garville was really decrease. 这个宾语前置看起来很高大上的样子 这个句型我不是很熟 你可以找几句范文给我看看
was really decrease 这个低级语法错误把句子给毁了
Finally, we need to compare the cost and benefits of the ride sharing policy with the proposed road and project. The arguer failed to give evidence such as data to support his or her statement that constructing road is a less cost-effective way. To illustrate, the road can be used for at least 30 years and thus it is an one-off investment. Compared with giving people coupons for free gas for 30 years, constructing road may even be a more cost-effective way. Additionally, the government can also give some compensation fees to people when constructing the roads, and this also might save much more money of the government. Accordingly, the author should give more quantative data to bolster his or her idea.
give evidence such as data 表达
the government can also give some compensation fees to people when constructing the roads, and this also might save much more money of the government.这句的意思有问题 提出赔偿的意义在于将隐形的成本转化为账面成本 然后和其他项目的成本做对比 你这个点写不出来的话 说compensation 就不通了
compensation fees 表达
作者: cchen2014 时间: 2015-5-28 23:04:06
本帖最后由 cchen2014 于 2015-5-28 23:16 编辑
To begin with, we need to examine the surveys more critically to decide if there is indeed a traffic problem in Waymarsh.
第一个on one hand王老师已经提到了，不应该陈述事实，其实这整个段落都是提出各种假设。比如：可能survey怎样怎样，会导致结果的不准确；可能调查对象怎么怎样，会导致结果不准确。如果没有足够的信息证明survey的准确性，那交通问题就不一定存在。
所以在这一段落中
Three years before, most people interviewed by reporter were local people, whose family had lived in city center for a long time.
这些陈述事实的句子如果改成“If啥啥”“Maybe 啥啥”的可能比较好。
第二段
Further, more compelling evidence the arguer should give about whether the commute time in Garville was really decrease.
此句略不通顺～～
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-5-29 19:42:06
cchen2014 发表于 2015-5-28 23:04
第一个on one hand王老师已经提到了，不应该陈述事实，其实这整个段落都是提出各种假设。比如：可能surve ...
谢谢点评！！！
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-5-29 21:48:42
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-5-27 19:59
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's fie ...
新版又看了一下
断句的问题请注意
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-5-31 22:05:38
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-5-28 20:57
71). The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.
"Traffic here in Waymarsh is ...
看了一下 感觉写得不错
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-1 00:30:40
tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-31 22:05
看了一下 感觉写得不错
谢谢老师肯定！！太开心！
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-2 23:27:35
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-6 08:05 编辑
Argument 1
1) Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a 'Palean' basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
arg仍然处于模仿阶段，因此这篇文章写之前看了下老师的结构，结果真的让我始料未及。老师的结构自始至终都在对于篮子是如何飘到对岸的举可能的例子，例如建筑者能力，篮子材料等。而不是像厨师班或者5.5那样归纳逻辑链之后再逐个举例，再仔细看了下题目好像觉得这样可能更有加强语气的效果？
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| According to this argument, the author claims that a kind of baskets called Palean were not uniquely Palean, because the baskets have been found in the nearby village. | 概括结论和理由 |
| called Palean 表达有问题 |
| However, more evidence are needed to evaluate the argument correctly. | 回应题目要求 |
| 动词形式 |
| The evidence include the information of the area, the technologies of building boats and bridges and the characteristics of the baskets. | 主旨句 | information of the area 不够具体 | 动词形式 |
| | | | |
| To begin with, the author assumes that the baskets appeared in Lithos could only been carried by boat. | 主题句 | 未能回应题目要求 | |
| However, there might be some other possible scenarios. | 指出有其他可能性 |
|
|
| To illustrate, the river at that time might be not as deep and broad as it is now. | 提出某种可能性 | | be not词序 |
| Consequently, people could trade the baskets just by walking across the river directly. | 这种可能性的后果 | | |
| Another possible sceneario is, maybe the climate at that time was so cold that the river would be frozen in the winter. | 提出某种可能性 | | |
| Therefore, even if the river was deep and broad, people could also crossed the river and traded baskets with other people without the help of boats. | 这种可能性的后果 | | could also crossed动词形式 |
| So, we need more information about the geography and climate in the area and then discuss the possibility of other ways people used to cross the river. | 小结本段 | | |
| | | | |
| Further, the ability of Palean and Lithoian people for building boats and bridges is also needed to be known by us. | 主题句 | | ability单复数 needed to be known 被动语态头重脚轻 |
| Specifically, we need to know what kind of material was widely being used by most of people at that time to build boats or bridges. | 对主题句的进一步解释 | | widely being 词序 |
| Maybe they could build boats or bridges to cross the river, while the materials they used couldn’t survive the time and left little traces for archaeologists to find. | 提出某种可能性 | | |
| And the absence of any evidence of boats or bridges can’t equal to the statement that no boats or bridges were available to people at that time. | 这种可能性的后果 | | can’t equal to 词性 |
| Therefore more information regarding these issues is needed. | 小结本段 | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Finally, we also need to know the information of materials that being used to make the baskets. | 主题句 | | that being used动词形式 |
| It is possible that the material is so light that the baskets made by it could float on the water. | 提出某种可能性 | | |
Accordingly, the baskets appeared in Lithos might not cross the river by being carried with people,
but cross the river by floating and then picked up by Lithoian people. | 这种可能性的后果 | | the baskets appeared in Lithos 句子结构 picked up句子结构 |
To evaluate how likely this scenario is, we need to know the material that being used to make the baskets,
especially the physical characteristics of the material. | 小结本段 | | the material that being 句子结构 |
以上是下周考虑使用的批改模板。学生需要自行概括每句话所完成的动作，而我则负责对内容和表达进行逐句点评。为减轻工作负担，版友互改将暂停一周。一周后再总结。感觉这篇文章楼主写得挺不错。从动作分析来看，已经形成了不错的套路（提出某种可能性-这种可能性的后果）
不过语言表达的问题还是不少。
加油！
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-3 21:45:29
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-3 23:28 编辑
62) Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
写作心得：这篇真是难写。。感觉很抽象不好找分类，想了半天还是感觉从造成leader的因素来考虑吧。。借鉴了老师的范文。
My response:
Are leaders created by demands placed on them? As far as I am concerned, except from various demands placed on leaders, there are other factors can also create leaders. The factors include someone’s communication skills, the knowledge, qualifications and experiences he or she has.
there are other factors can also 严重语法错误
你这个开头主要问题就是没有对原命题表明立场。 其他因素也能create leader 那你到底是赞成还是反对啊
you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true
你正面说明statement对不对 你这篇等于废了 当然要改也很方便
To begin with, sometimes leaders are indeed created by the demands that they have. For instance, on May 12, 2008, after a violent magnitude 8.0 earthquake attacked Si Chuan Province in China, most of the professional rescue teams couldn’t reach the disaster zone immediately because the terrible traffic situation. Hence, local people had to rescue themselves. From the news, we can’t know the precise number of the local peoples’ heroic act, but it is safe to say that many courageous local residents take the responsibility to lead the self-rescue work. These people became the leader of a rescue work without any prior training, assignment or experience. Consequently, it was the earthquake that created many leaders during the rescue work.
我觉得这里其实写点具体的local leader的情节 好过像我那样写
因为地震之后确实需要一些leader 比如 rescue victims
Further, sometimes a person can become a leader because he or she has a strong communication skills. People often assume that leadership positions by demonstrating strong communication skills that are important for dealing with situations in which they have to lead others to solve problems. To illustrate, it is essential for journalists to communicate with different kinds of people about their ideas and questions and then write their reports with high quality in order to win a leadership positions such as the chairperson of a certain newspaper office. And it is a typical characteristic for a good journalist to have an outstanding communication skills. Accordingly, strong communication skills would enable a person to be leaders in the field.
你的主旨句不回应题目里的created by demand 这段的基础就没有了
你必须以否定原命题为整段的中心 然后再来提出别的内容
Finally, in some fields the qualifications, knowledge and experience are essential for the leadership positions. In other words, other people can’t recognize his or her leadership position without he or she has such characteristics. To illustrate, it is clear that anyone who is interested in becoming a headmaster of a college nowadays have to get a PhD degree first. What’s more, he or she has to publish a certain number of influential papers in the field, gain a great academic reputation and accumulate extensive research and administrative experience. It is not suitable for people to become a leader of a college without these qualities. Therefore, taking the leadership roles in a college doesn’t necessary relate to the demands for leadership.
问题同上
而且最后再提exceptional case似乎还是好些
To sum, except from the demands that are placed on a person can make he or she becomes a leader, leaders are also can created by other factors. The factors like the communication skills, experience and knowledge a person has also play an essential role in determining whether he or she will be a leader.
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-6-3 23:29:10
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-6-3 21:45
62) Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which ...
已点评
作者: cchen2014 时间: 2015-6-3 23:37:20
Are leaders created by demands placed on them? As far as I am concerned, except from various demands placed on leaders, there are other factors can also create leaders. The factors include someone’s communication skills, the knowledge, qualifications and experiences he or she has.
你的主题句里说各种factor都能create leader，似乎不是很清晰的回应到底是否是demand create 了leader，看了文章，感觉每一段都模棱两可，既不排除demand，又可以有skill。
就像老师说的，最好分情况讨论。
王老师的文章里其实是把情况分成：一些case中，不是demand，而是skill 和 training ；另一些case中，是demand成就普通人（非skill 和 training）。
不知道说到点子上了没。。。其实我自己没怎么看懂自己的评论:L
作者: kryang 时间: 2015-6-4 01:18:20
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-6-2 23:27
Argument 1
1) Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been ...
想问是直接回复来点评吗？以前没有在gter点评过。。
我就不好意思先在这点评了，如果不是这样的话，我会及时删除。
点评：
二段
That time 的定义会不会需要再仔细说明一点？如我写的时候，写成 the time when ancient Paleans made the baskets 或者类似的句子？
三段：
Widely being used 中，being应该可以去掉吧
Couldn’t 首先不能用缩写（正式文章中），且couldn’t语气太强了吧？后面的can’t写错了，应该是cannot
Can’t equal to中，equal很少用作动词吧，且在王老师介绍的语料库中，大都是be equal to的形式。
四段
That being used的that应去掉
语言上，似乎有些简单不丰富？（个人以为。。）如最后一段“we also need to know the information of materials that being used to make the baskets.”,是我的话，我写成”more information of the materials, which consist of/weave to the basket, should be informed to us ”可以给你参考。
结构上的问题，我不敢有太多评价，因为我之前是自学入门，没有接触王老师（最近才看到）的看法，但从你文章看出，好像有一点遵循套路，但似乎控制不太好，如第二段写得比较长，后面越写越短了，你的文章400字不到一点，可能稍微有些少了。
另外，习作中有一些语法或词法的瑕疵，我没有一一指出，你可以留意一下如以上所述的问题，如果有时间的话，我会尽量给出。
另外想与你讨论的是，每一段的每一点都需要用多个例子/其他可能 来说明吗？像你第二段To illustrate.. . Another possible scenario…显然是两个部分？我写的时候一般都是一点，不知道这可不可以？
我改后也发现自己的问题，如果你有兴趣，欢迎改我的文章（虽然至6月4号凌晨都还没发出），我应该在晚上能给出。
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-4 23:20:38
Argument 14
14) The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
My response:
The author of the argument argues that companies should hire people who need less sleep because these employees are more likely to succeed based on a survey of 300 advertising executives. In order to bolster his or her idea, the author makes a number of assumptions about the reliability of the reported need of sleep, the generalizability of survey result and other issues. However, there are some logical flaws in the argument that make the assumptions unconvincing.
To begin with, the author assumes that the result of the survey can be applied more widely. Unfortunately, it is unconvincing because the subjects of the survey are all from a single industry—advertising. In other words, the author implies that situation of all industries is same as advertising, which isn’t compelling. To illustrate, some kinds of manufacturing work require workers to concentrate on their work all the time, or the products made by them will have poor quality. Obviously, people can’t concentrate on their work well if they can’t have enough time to sleep. Plus, the survey just asks the executives, who may have to work more hours to lead the companies.
Further, in the survey, the arguers also make an assumption that the executives need little sleep, which is based on the indication that the subjects can tell truth about their lifestyles. However, the survey respondents possibly don’t want to tell their true life schedules and just want to impress others or show their politeness to the interviewers. It’s not reasonable to apply the finding in the hiring process unless further data could be used to testify the reliability of the survey results.
In addition, the author states that people who need less sleep has higher profit margins and faster growth, which implies that the author hold the view that it is the less sleep that cause the success of these executives. However, other factors that have no relationship with sleep can also cause the executives achievements. For instance, they might have some powerful design teams to make some unique advertisement, or they have met some clients who pay high fees to buy their advertisement and then make great contribution to their growing profits. Consequently, it’s not safe to attribute their success to their sleep times.
Finally, the author also assumes that these successful executives can succeed forever. Maybe they do have some accomplishment now, while we can’t know the negative effect that made by small amount of sleep on their health. It’s not good for a company’s development if executives of it have severe health problems at a young age.
作者: 艾小卉 时间: 2015-6-5 17:36:02
总的结构很清晰，提出一些语言用词上的建议
In order to bolster his or her idea, the author makes a number of assumptions about the reliability of the reported need of sleep, the generalizability of survey result and other issues.
need for sleep
To illustrate, some kinds of manufacturing work require workers to concentrate on their work all the time, or the products made by them will have poor quality.
这里的or是不是用otherwise更好？
For instance, they might have some powerful design teams to make some unique advertisement, or they have met some clients who pay high fees to buy their advertisement and then make great contribution to their growing profits. Consequently, it’s not safe to attribute their success to their sleep times.
有关于clients的解释我觉得不是很合适，我个人认为其他原因可以写到生产效率提高、行业上升期、竞争不激烈等
Finally, the author also assumes that these successful executives can succeed forever. Maybe they do have some accomplishment now, while we can’t know the negative effect that made by small amount of sleep on their health. It’s not good for a company’s development if executives of it have severe health problems at a young age.
这里的"forever“没有老师的in the long term用的好，forever太有绝对性了
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-6-6 08:05:39
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-6-2 23:27
Argument 1
1) Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been ...
已点评
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-6-6 08:06:19
kryang 发表于 2015-6-4 01:18
想问是直接回复来点评吗？以前没有在gter点评过。。
我就不好意思先在这点评了，如果不是这样的话，我会 ...
你有兴趣的话可以参加我们的同主题练习小组
作者: 艾小卉 时间: 2015-6-6 14:41:05
本帖最后由 艾小卉 于 2015-6-6 14:42 编辑
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-6-2 23:27
Argument 1
1) Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been ...
好直观的批改格式。。。
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-9 01:56:18
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-9 08:21 编辑
113）Claim: The surest indicator of agreat nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, orscientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of allits people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagreewith the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
Myresponse:
The great nations in the world always have agreat influence on the human culture and thus make great contribution to the developmentof the world.
【动作分析:指定概念】
However, some people think that the surestindicator of a great nation is the welfare of all its people.
【动作分析：提出异议观点】
As far as I am concerned, I would firstlyargues that general welfare is not a good indicator; then I will illustrate theachievements of the social elites are better indicators with some examples.
【动作分析：主旨句，首先否定原题目结论】
感觉第一句的定义 还是强调一下是自己的理解好些 不要让人觉得你掌握了真理
既然是概述后面要写的内容 前面的As far as I am concerned, 就有些多余了
有些单词连在一起了
To begin with, admittedly the general welfareof people is essential for our lives, it can’t serve as a reliable indicator ofthe greatness of a nation.
【动作分析：TS1,采用让步的办法】 这一句的结构有问题 前面应该是让步从句 而且觉得这个让步没有意义
To illustrate, the living quality of a personwill be incredibly greatly improved if he or she has access to abundantmaterial goods and quality education.
【动作分析：描述分论点的前提条件】
However, it doesn’t necessary (necessarily) mean that the nation should play an essential role in the international community.
【动作分析：否定前提条件得出的推论】这句话的should用得不好 导致整句话的意思有问题 (played)
Maybe the nation has numerous of naturalresources, such as gas, or coals. Consequently, the government has the abilityto enhance and guarantee the living standard of its people. Nevertheless, thiskind of wealthy nations can’t be called “great nations” unless they make somesubstantial contribution to the world. 上一句讲的 play role到这一句没有回应
【动作分析：提出另一种可能性及其结果】
Furthermore, nowadays, people in great nationsalways have people that with outstanding skills in the fields of politics, artand science.
【动作分析：TS2】
应该是这些精英对社会的贡献使国家伟大
感觉你主题句的概括不准
And they can benefit people all over theworld. For instance, 德国一些物理学家，比如瓦特，进行了一系列的发明创造。比如蒸汽机等，为工业革命奠定了基础. As the result, Germany became a great leader in thefirst industrial revolution and a great amount of people’s live have bechanged.
【动作分析：将例子和主题相联系】
你写汉语是什么意思
瓦特是物理学家？
Finally, from a historical perspective, wecan see that the elites are the better indicators of a great nation.
【动作分析：TS3】the elites - the achievements of ... 同意转换要忠实原题
Compared with ordinary people, ancient socialelites often possess the majority of the land and the wealth.
【动作分析：前提条件】
Accordingly, the welfare of the people was muchpoor.
【动作分析：回应题目中的关键词welfare】
However, nations with outstanding rulers,artists and scientists were still considered indispensable for the developmentof the world. For instance, 中国的清朝时期，拥有着雄厚财力的王室贵族们钟爱园林艺术，因此园林艺术得以极大发展，并对世界的园林景观学产生了巨大的影响.Consequently, the achievement of the elites can better measurewhether a certain country is great.
【动作分析：举例子，将影响具体化，】
To sum, if the greatness of nation can bedefined as a nation’s influence to people or the development of society, thesocial elites can be used as a more reliable indicators to measure thegreatness of a nation. While the general welfare may not be a very usefulfactor, as there are less relationships between greatness of nations andgeneral welfare of people.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-10 02:03:39
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-10 09:10 编辑
78)The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distributioncompany with food storage warehouses in several cities.
Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company toprovide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but lastmonth we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed bypest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have usedfor many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and lastmonth only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pestdamage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest controlservices.
第一次用这种方式写作文，这一篇是第一次在老师这里独立写Argument,，望老师和版友们不吝指正。
你限时没？
| 段落 | 句子 | 动作分析 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| 1 | The author of the memo proposes that Buzzoff should be selected to provide
all pest control services. | 阐明作者的最终观点 |
|
|
In order to bolster his idea, the author takes another company called Fly-Away
as an example to illustrate that Buzzoff is the best choice. | 说明作者的分析思路 |
|
|
However, there are some logic flaws in the author’s memo if we
closely scrutinize, and we need more evidence to evaluate the
argument correctly. |
| logical flaw这类词不应该在新G里出现 |
|
The evidences include the value or amount of the foods in each
warehouse, the climate condition around the two warehouses,
and the information of other pest controlling companies. | 概括一下缺乏什么evidence |
| evidence不可数 |
| 2 | To begin with, we need to know the total value or amount of
the foods stored in each warehouse. | 主旨句 |
|
|
The author states the Buzzoff Pest Control Company is a better
choice by using the data of the value of destroyed food in two
different warehouse. | 说明作者的论证过程 |
| using- comparing |
And the data shows that the destroyed food in Palm City warehouse
that controlled by Fly-Away values more money. |
| values more money表达不对 |
However, this isn’t a compelling evidence to bolster the author’s
opinion, as we don’t have the evidence about the total value of
the food that stored in each warehouse. | 指出逻辑错误 |
|
|
For instance, maybe the warehouse in Palm City is a larger one
and thus it stores food more than four times than warehouse in
Wintervale. | 指出另一种可能 |
|
|
Consequently, if we assume that the foods store in each warehouse
are same, we can clearly know that Fly-Away Pest Control Company
is a better choice. | 另一种可能带来的相反结果 | 这句和上句衔接有问题 | the foods store in each warehouse
are same这是什么意思 价值相等？ |
Because the pest damage rate of food in Palm City is lower than it
in Wintervale, which means that Fly-Away have the ability to control
the pest damage much effectively. | 解释原因 | 怎么突然出现pest damage rate of food 和前两句衔接有问题 |
|
| 3 | Further, even if the total value or amount of food is same in two
warehouses, the information of climate or environment condition
is still needed by us in order to evaluate the argument precisely. | 主旨句，用了个even旨在加强论证语气，不知这样行否
（主题句） |
| needed （by us）
precisely- accurately/ rigorously |
The author assumes that the climate condition and the environment
condition of two warehouses is same, while he or she fails to
give more information about it. | 指出逻辑错误 | 这里没必要提assumption |
|
To illustrate, compared with Wintervale, maybe the climate and
the environmental condition in Palm City are much more suitable
for pests to survive. | 指出另一种可能 |
|
|
Therefore, if the Buzzoff is responsible for controlling the pest damage
in Palm City warehouse, the value of the damage food maybe even
greater than $20000. | 另一种可能的结果 |
|
|
| And this also shows that Fly-Away is a better choice for author. | 怎么会得出这么肯定的结论 | 注意hedge 用might/could |
| 4 | Finally, even the climate or environment condition is same in two
area, we still need to have to know the information of other
pest control companies. | 主旨句 （主题句） |
| need to have to重复 |
In the argument the author assumes that one of Fly-Away and
Buzzoff must be the best choice. | 指出逻辑错误 |
|
|
However, the author doesn’t give any information about other
pest control companies. | 我觉得你这里讨论其他公司虽然有一定的道理 但是可能有点偏门 注意这个点还没有回应- the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower |
|
If another company could provide a higher quality service with
much lower price, both Fly-Away and Buzzoff couldn’t be the
best choice obviously. | 指出另一种可能及其结果 |
|
|
Therefore, in order to makes the argument much more convincing,
the author should provide some information about other pest
controlling companies.
| 结论 |
|
|
基本框架都ok 要注意中间段句子之间的衔接
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-11 21:44:58
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-12 07:55 编辑
Issue
33) As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
第一稿完成时间正好30分钟。
| 段落 | 句子 | 动作分析 | 内容点评 | 句子点评 |
| 1 | Nowadays, people have been debating for a long time about whether the increasing amount of knowledge we have makes things become more comprehensible or more sophisticated and mysterious. | 简单复述下题目 |
|
|
| From my perspective, I think that the answer of this question depends on which group of people we are talking here. | 提出我的观点 |
|
|
| For people who is scientist or researcher, more knowledge makes things more complex; while for general public, much more knowledge enables us to know the world better. | 主旨句，细化观点，分类 |
| who are
while前面不能用分号 |
| 2 | To begin with, the frontier scientists and researchers may have the sense that the more knowledge people have, the more complex the world will be. | TS1 这里借鉴了老师的分类 |
| people- they |
| Because during the process of acquiring new knowledge, more complex problems that haven’t been noticed by people before may arise, and the solution to solve this kind of problems can be much more complex and sophisticated. | 细化观点 |
| because不能跟独立的句子 |
| To illustrate, since the foundation of the relative theory, many scientists include Einstein himself have been spend much time on finding a unified field theory in order to find a connection between the micro world and macro world. | 举了物理学家在发现相对论之后想确立统一场理论的例子，结果发现这十分困难 |
| theory of relativity
been spend语法 |
| Unfortunately, people don’t make much progress during these years, and many scientists predict that people may have to develop a new series of mathematical laws in order to solve this problem successfully. |
|
|
| Consequently, from some scientists and researchers’ perspective, the things might become more complex with the increasing amount of knowledge got by people. | 简单小结一下 |
|
|
| 3 | Further, for general public, knowledge provides many plausible explanations to phenomena or events in the world, and this makes the things in the world become more comprehensible. | TS2 |
| make -become 用法 |
| For instance, in the ancient China, people don’t have much knowledge about the smallpox, and people had little thing to do when someone caught it. | 举例子，用古代人没有对天花的了解来举例 |
| did not
had little thing表达 |
| Accordingly, ancient people were afraid of smallpox and they hold the view that there must be some religious power to let people catch it. |
| Accordingly- Consequently |
| However, nowadays, thanks to the medical knowledge we have, we know the mechanism of smallpox clearly and have methods to control it successfully. | 貌似可以提一下vaccination |
|
| Therefore, people don’t be afraid of smallpox anymore. | 这里要回应题目 comprehensible 而不是讨论fear的问题 回应题目不时或忘 |
|
| In other words, it is the knowledge that makes us get rid of the fear of smallpox. | 小结一下 | 偏离主题了 |
|
| 4 | Finally, social science knowledge also helps people to know how the society work and thus enables people govern the society better. | TS3 |
|
|
| For example, the Maslow’s theory of the hierarchy of needs makes us know that there are virtually two kinds of needs that exist in our society—physical needs and higher needs. | 举例子，用Maslow的需求层次论让政府更好管理社会为例子 | 这个例子也写偏了 要重点强调知识使事物更好理解 其他的都别扯 |
|
| Thus, meeting the physical needs of people becomes the prerequisite for boosting the development of society. |
|
|
| Hence, this theory provides the government officers with a theory to administrate our society more wisely and correctly. |
|
|
| Consequently, the increasing knowledge makes people well known the work mechanism of society and facilitate the governing work. | 小结一下 |
| makes people well known |
| 5 | To sum, whether the increasing knowledge people have makes our world more complex depend on different types of people. | 总结全文 |
| have makes |
| For scientists or researchers, the more knowledge people have, the more intricate the problems they have to solve. |
|
|
| For general public, knowledge makes us know the mechanism of different events, and thus makes the world more comprehensible. |
|
|
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-14 13:23:59
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-14 14:15 编辑
Argument 31
Thefollowing appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by theresidents of Mentia.
Salicylates are members of thesame chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Althoughmany foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades,food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods aspreservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been foundto correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reportedby participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processingcompanies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives forfoods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steadydecline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen ofMentia.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions ofthe argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptionsand what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions proveunwarranted.
写作时间30分钟 感觉写的有点短
| 段落 | 句子 | 动作分析 | 内容点评 | 句子点评 |
| 1 | The author assumes that the new use of salicylates will decrease the number of people who suffer from headache. | 概括作者观点 |
|
|
| The author assumes that the new use of salicylates will decrease the number of people who suffer from headache. | 具体说明作者的三个观点 | 我觉得你对assumption这个概念的理解有问题
不是什么都可以当做assumption 你这里讲的明显是结论啊 |
|
| Then the author points out that the rise in the commercial use of salicylates has negative linear relationship with the number of people who catch headache. |
|
|
| Finally, the author draws his or her conclusion with the evidence that the salicylates can be used as a kind of food flavors. |
|
|
| However, some of the author’s assumptions are unwarranted and thus prevent us to correctly evaluate his or her argument. | 小结 | 不要说假设不成立 而是需要去调查 |
|
| 2 | To begin with, the author’s conclusion is based on the assumption that the salicylates have the same medical effects as aspirin, a medicine that can cure headache. | TS1 |
| 这个appositive用的挺好 |
| However, this consumption is unconvincing, because although salicylates and aspirins are in the same chemical family, no evidence or research is mentioned in the argument shows that salicylates do have the ability to cure headache. | 说明逻辑错误 |
| that shows that 句子结构问题 |
| Maybe they are just in the same chemical family while have totally different effects on headache. | 指出另一种可能或者后果 |
|
|
| Consequently, the argument can’t be convincing if the salicylates can’t cure headache at all. | 另一种可能的结果 |
|
|
| 3 | Further, even if the salicylates have the same medical effects as aspirin, the second assumption that a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants was due to the rising use of salicylates is also needed to be reevaluate. | TS2 |
| reevaluated |
| The author also doesn’t talk anything that can prove the rising use of salicylates is the only factor that cause the declination of headache people. | 逻辑错误 |
| talk 选词
causes
decline - number of people who ... |
| Therefore, there are some other factors that might also lower the number of headache people, such as the change of climate or environment. | 另一种可能的结果 |
|
|
| Accordingly, the new use of salicylates might just be a minor way to lower the number of headache people. | 后果 |
| minor way? 不懂 |
| 4 | Finally, even the decrease of headache people was indeed caused by the increasing commercial use of salicylates, a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by people might still can’t happen. | TS3 |
| decreasing number of ...
might can't- 用法错误 |
| The author assumes that the salicylates is an efficient way to cure headache permanently. | 指出assumption | 感觉这个点离题甚远 建议去看看我的范文吧 |
|
| However, the author doesn’t give any evidence to attest this either. | 指出逻辑问题 |
|
|
| To illustrate, after a certain time period, salicylates might lost its effectiveness to cure headache because of the influence from other factors. | 指出另一种可能或者后果 |
|
|
| In other words, the number of people who have headache in Mentia might rise again. |
|
|
| Therefore we need more information about the salicylates in order to correctly evaluate the author’s argument. | 小结 |
|
|
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-6-16 00:10:59
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-16 01:01 编辑
65) Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
| 段落 | 句子 | 动作 | 内容点评 | 句子点评 |
| 1 | Personally, I think that it’s our responsibility to obey both laws and unjust laws, because obeying laws is essential for the stability and prosperity of our society. | 表明观点 |
|
|
| However, I also hold the view that the citizens can resist unjust laws in a peaceful, legal and democratic way if laws are not reasonable. | 表明观点2 | 将disobey和resist分开是一个很机智的做法 |
|
| 2 | To begin with, it is the every individual’s responsibility and obligation to obey the laws that are considered just by the entire society, because just laws protect each person’s own interests and the benefits of the whole society from damaging. | TS1 |
| from damaging 表达 |
| To illustrate, the Road Traffic Safety Law in China requires that people can’t drive cars if they are exhausted or drink wine. | 例子 |
|
|
| This law is a just law as everyone has the equal personal safety rights when he or she is walking on the road. | 说明公平性 |
|
|
| Consequently, this law can protect our own personal safety right from being damaged by others, and thus we should undoubtedly obey it. | 小结例子 |
|
|
| 3 | Further, although sometimes the justice of some laws is questionable, the individuals should still obey the laws as these laws lay the foundation for the stability of the society or the normal operation of the government. | TS2 |
|
|
| For instance, China has vast land and economy development in west area is relatively lagged. | 举一个不公正法律的例子，这里指的是中国的资源分配法律 |
|
|
| However, according to the laws of Chinese government, the distribution of natural resource that rich in west province of China has to be done by Chinese government, which means that anyone who gets these resource without official permission will be punished. |
| done- 改为distributed |
| However, if these west provinces mentioned above can get these resource for commercial use, residents in these area will have a much wealthy life. | 这里应该强调这个法律是unjust |
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| But for the reason of maintaining a fast development of the whole country, people still have to obey this rule nowadays. |
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| The rate of the whole society’s development will be lowered and lots of tricky social conflicts will arise if people don’t obey this rule anymore. | 指出违法的后果 | 这句后面加一个总结会更好 |
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| 4 | Finally, some people may hold the view that what can we do about the unjust laws if all people obey the laws. | TS3 解决异议 |
| that what can we do about the unjust laws 词序
some people may worry that unjust laws will harm the society in the long term if people obey them |
| As far as I am concerned, I hold the view that citizens should voice their concerns to the government in a legal way, which might let the government to revise the unjust laws. | 提出另一种做法 |
| 重复 |
| For example, people can express their ideas about revising the laws by publish some articles through newspaper, or organize some legally aggregations or demonstrations to place pressure on the government. | 举例子 |
|
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| Ultimately, the government might accept the public idea and abolish the unjust laws by establishing just ones. |
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| 5 | To sum, all people in our society should obey the laws, because obeying laws will ensure an individual’s interests and lay the foundation for the stability of the society. | 总结 |
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| However, people can also use some legal ways to encourage the revise of law if the laws they have is unjust. |
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感觉你这篇算写得比较好的
虽然非正义的法律的例子略显牵强 但是句子间的连贯 通过例子说明观点等等 都做得不错
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-13 21:33:10
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-7-17 21:19 编辑
Issue 15
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
2015/7/13 22:00-22:35
My response:
I disagree with the statement that students should be fostered by educational institutions to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers. On the one hand, educational institutions can’t have the ability to guarantee what career they recommend to students will be lucrative. On the other hand, students might lose their chance to enjoy their future work or studies with the hope of lucrative careers. While what the educational institutions do might increase their chance to have more outstanding alumni, this policy might cause the unevenly distribution of educational resource.
fostered选词
do not have the ability
what career they recommend to students will be lucrative句子结构
outstanding - wealthy
resources
To begin with, there are many factors other than a certain career itself that determine whether a person’s career is lucrative. From an individual’s perspective, generally speaking, getting a high salary job requires people who have enough knowledge, necessary skills, sense of competition and cooperation and so on. From a macroscopic perspective, whether a certain career is lucrative is determined by the policy, the development of science and technology and even the world market. For instance, disk making used to be a flourish industry, but because of the development of multimedia during recent years, it’s suffering from increasingly severe depression. Consequently, no one can know that whether a career will be lucrative all the time. In other words, the concept that students can be prepared for lucrative careers is nothing but a wishful thinking.
the government policy
flourishing
concept- idea/ notion/ assumption
Further, students might lose their chance to study what they really like, and this is another reason that this policy is impractical. To illustrate, the reason why a person can have so called “lucrative careers” is not only he or she is hard-working but also he or she has genuine interests in the field. In other words, students might have trouble in doing their works or concentrating on their studies without certain genius. Therefore, their performance in academic or work can’t meet even the basic requirement of their fields, not to mention making huge success in them. In addition, even they try their best to do their jobs, they may not enjoy their work and thus lack the job satisfaction, which makes the “lucrative careers” meaningless.
reason why ...
genius? talents/ gift
can't - might not (hedging)
Finally, some people might hold the view that fostering their students to choose fields that will get them prepared for lucrative will increase the number of outstanding alumni, who will enhance the reputation of the schools and donate money to the institutions. Admittedly having famous alumni do have some benefits for the school, what is overlooked in the reasoning is that teachers might be required to put more efforts on cultivating students that have more possibility to have lucrative career rather than treat every student evenly. Accordingly, this is unfair for other students.
famous/ outstanding 和lucrative这个词 不够紧贴
evenly - equally
这个point 挺好
To sum up, while it is reasonable that educational institutions might want to foster their students to get prepared for lucrative careers by choosing a certain major, this policy is still helpless. For one thing, the institutions can’t guarantee the so-called “lucrative careers”; for another thing, students might not enjoy the happiness of their work, which makes the “lucrative careers” meaningless. In addition, this policy might also lead to the unevenly distribution of the educational resource.
uneven 词性
写的挺好
注意表达的问题
有些句型写得不错
有时间写点心得体会
2015/7/17 21:17 2nd edition
I disagree with the statement that students should be encouraged by educational institutions to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers. On the one hand, educational institutions don’t have the ability to guarantee the career they recommend to students is lucrative. On the other hand, students might lose their chance to enjoy their future work or studies with the hope of lucrative careers. While what the educational institutions do might increase their chance to have more wealthy alumni, this policy might cause the unevenly distribution of educational resources.
To begin with, there are many factors other than a certain career itself that determine whether a person’s career is lucrative. From an individual’s perspective, generally speaking, getting a high salary job requires people who have enough knowledge, necessary skills, sense of competition and cooperation and so on. From a macroscopic perspective, whether a certain career is lucrative is determined by the government policy, the development of science and technology and even the world market. For instance, disk making used to be a flourishing industry, but because of the development of multimedia during recent years, it’s suffering from increasingly severe depression. Consequently, no one can know that whether a career will be lucrative all the time. In other words, the assumption that students can be prepared for lucrative careers is nothing but a wishful thinking.
Further, students might lose their chance to study what they really like, and this is another reason why this policy is impractical. To illustrate, the reason why a person can have so called “lucrative careers” is not only he or she is hard-working but also he or she has talents in the field. In other words, students might have trouble in doing their works or concentrating on their studies without certain genius. Therefore, their performance in academic or work might not meet even the basic requirement of their fields, not to mention making huge success in them. In addition, even they try their best to do their jobs, they may not enjoy their work and thus lack the job satisfaction, which makes the “lucrative careers” meaningless.
Finally, some people might hold the view that fostering their students to choose fields that will get them prepared for lucrative will increase the number of wealthy alumni, who will enhance the reputation of the schools and donate money to the institutions. Admittedly having famous alumni do have some benefits for the school, what is overlooked in the reasoning is that teachers might be required to put more efforts on cultivating students that have more possibility to have lucrative career rather than treat every student equally. Accordingly, this is unfair for other students.
To sum up, while it is reasonable that educational institutions might want to foster their students to get prepared for lucrative careers by choosing a certain major, this policy is still helpless. For one thing, the institutions can’t guarantee the so-called “lucrative careers”; for another thing, students might not enjoy the happiness of their work, which makes the “lucrative careers” meaningless. In addition, this policy might also lead to the uneven distribution of the educational resource.
修改心得：
1. 有些词用的不是很合适，还是要多加积累
2. 各个分论点和主旨关系要紧密，是不是最好带有主旨词效果或更好一点？
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-14 21:45:22
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-7-21 20:20 编辑
Argument 32
32)The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-jobaccidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shiftsare one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributingfactors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation amongworkers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot andthereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shiftsby one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions ofthe argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptionsand what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions proveunwarranted.
2015/7/14 21:05-21:32
My response:
The vice president of Quiot Manufacturing suggests that the factory should reduce the number of on-the-job accidents and henceenhance productivity by shorting the each individual’s work time so that theycan get enough amount of sleep. However, there are some assumptions about thecause of on-the-job accident, the relationship between the amount of sleep andfatigue have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the arguments correctly.
注意单词间空格shortening 不是shorting
there be句型错误 而且只有两个方面的assumption？
To begin with, the author of the argumentsuggests that the reason why Quiot Manufacturing had more on-the-job accidentsthan Panoply Industries is that the workers in Panoply have less working hours,which is based on the assumption that the more free times the workers have, thefewer accidents they will cause. However, the president overlooked otherfactors that also might cause on-the-job accidents. To illustrate, maybe thework done by employees in the Quiot Manufacturing is much harder and moredangerous than the work in Panoply. And this might indicates that the workers inQuiot have more possibility to cause accidents. From this perspective, shortingthe work time is useless if the president of Quiot want to lower the number ofaccidents.
主题句太长了 考虑精简一下
might also
have more possibility搭配
注意hedging
shortingthe work time is useless 这话说得太绝对了
Further, the author also assumes that bydeclining the work shifts, employees will get adequate amounts of sleep, which isalso unconvincing, either. The author ignores other factors that can haveimpact on an individual’s sleeping time. For instance, the living habit mayalso play a role in determining a person’s sleeping time. Maybe workers getused to going sleep until very late, even if they have shorter work time. In addition,maybe they also have some part-time jobs to do after work, which means that eventhey have more free time in Quiot, they still have to do other works and thushave insufficient sleep. Apparently, reducing the amount of work hour can’tincrease the employees’ work time and thus becomes useless for decreasing thenumber of work accidents.
which isalso unconvincing 这个说法不对 你的任务是指出假设 然后讨论其他可能性 你并不知道假设是否成立
getused to going sleep until very late表达
Apparently, reducing the amount of work hour can’tincrease the employees’ work time 还是hedging问题
之前没有提出过这个问题么
Finally, the author points out that thenumber of accidents will be lowered after employees get enough sleep, which isbased on the assumption that the number of accidents and the amount of sleephave negative linear relationship. However, other factors might also influence theamount of accidents. For instance, maybe the workers of the Quiot don’t have enoughtraining course before they starting their job, or the machine in the Quiot istoo old to ensure the operator’s safety. Hence, if these factors do makecontribution to increasing the number of on-the-job accidents, therecommendation of the president is unjustifiable.
the number of accidents and the amount of sleephave negative linear relationship 这个说法文科出生的考官未必钟意
你单词之间不空格让我读得好费力
总的来说还可以
hedging 的问题 和否定原argument的问题要注意
写作心得：
1 注意题目的instruction 时隔三个月愈发意识到一战之前犯的错误之严重，可能很大程度上没有审题和语言表达决定了难逃3分的命运；
2 Argument套路运用的逐渐熟练，让写作变得慢慢顺手了，今天写了27分钟
2015/7/17 21:32 2nd edition
修改心得
1 重新复制文章，解决空格问题
2 写argument要注意多多使用表达可能性的情态动词，语气不能太绝对
My response:
The vice president of Quiot Manufacturing suggests that the factory should reduce the number of on-the-job accidents and hence enhance productivity by shortening the each individual’s work time so that they can get enough amount of sleep. However, some assumptions, include the cause of on-the-job accident, the relationship between the amount of sleep and fatigue and the result of making the change mentioned in the memo, have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the arguments correctly.
To begin with, the author of the argument suggests that the reason why Quiot Manufacturing had had more on-the-job accidents is that the workers in Quiot have more working hours, which is based on the assumption that the more free times the workers have, the fewer accidents they will cause. However, the president overlooked other factors that might also cause on-the-job accidents. To illustrate, maybe the work done by employees in the Quiot Manufacturing is much harder and more dangerous than the work in Panoply. And this might indicates that the workers in Quiot are more likely to cause accidents. From this perspective, shortening the work time might be useless if the president of Quiot want to lower the number of accidents.
感觉这里主旨句不太好精简啊…尽可能把能合并的都合并了
Further, the author also assumes that by declining the work shifts, employees will get adequate amounts of sleep. The author ignores other factors that can have impact on an individual’s sleeping time. For instance, the lifestyles may also play a role in determining a person’s sleeping time. Maybe workers are used to going sleep until very late, even if they have shorter work time. In addition, maybe they also have some part-time jobs to do after work, which means that even they have more free time in Quiot, they still have to do other works and thus have insufficient sleep. Accordingly, reducing the amount of work hour perhaps couldn’t increase the employees’ work time and thus might becomes useless for decreasing the number of work accidents.
Finally, the author points out that the number of accidents will be lowered after employees get enough sleep, which is based on the assumption that the number of accidents and the amount of sleep have negative linear relationship. However, other factors might also influence the amount of accidents. For instance, maybe the workers of the Quiot don’t have enough training course before they starting their job, or the machine in the Quiot is too old to ensure the operator’s safety. Hence, if these factors do make contribution to increasing the number of on-the-job accidents, the recommendation of the president is unjustifiable.
我记得之前好像在张雷东翻译的北美范文那本书里看到过所谓的“正相关”， “负相关”一类的说法。。
作者: ally1213 时间: 2015-7-14 22:20:01
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-7-14 21:45
32)The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past y ...
除了该空格的没空格以外，觉得最大问题就是句子太长会不知道在讲什么，有时候很长一句话可以分成两句。简单的句子没关系，更容易懂。
第一段
The vice president of Quiot Manufacturing suggeststhat the factory should reduce the number of on-the-job accidents and henceenhance productivity by shorting the each individual’s work time so that theycan get enough amount of sleep. 断句
However, there are some assumptions about thecause of on-the-job accident, the relationship between the amount of sleep andfatigue have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the arguments correctly.
Assumptions about ...need to be reexamined in order to evaluate...
第二段
To begin with, the author of the argumentsuggests that the reason why Quiot Manufacturing had more on-the-job accidentsthan Panoply Industries is that the workers in Panoply have less working hours,which is based on the assumption that the more free times the workers have, thefewer accidents they will cause. 断句
第三段
Living habit是中文习惯说法。lifestyle之类好点
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-15 20:29:07
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-7-21 20:19 编辑
Issue 13
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
2015/7/15 19:42-20:15
In this day and age, there are increasing number of universities require their students to study courses outside the student’s field of study. Some people hold the view that this requirement is unnecessary, because these courses are useless in the students’ future. Yet some people support the idea, as they think student have to handle different knowledge in order to become more competitive. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the decision of the school aforementioned, because if students can use their time effectively, taking a varieties of students will help students study their own major better and better know the world we live in.
day and age没见过
there be句型经典错误啊
handle different knowledge 搭配
better and better know这里有歧义
To begin with, taking a varieties of lessons outside a person’s major will help him or her study the major effectively. Because the more kinds of lessons someone takes, the more perspective someone has and therefore there might be more effective solutions when he or she encounters with problems in their own majors. To illustrate, an economic major student might have to deal with lots of data during his or her research work, which is arduous if someone does it by him/herself. However, if this student is good at using the advanced software in the computer, processing thousands of data might just takes his or her a few minutes, which enables him or her to finish the work in a much shorter time. Consequently, taking courses of other areas can enhance the study efficiency of a student’s major.
because和therefore一般不会同时用 整句话结构要调整
Further, students can know our world better if they can have courses outside their own major, which might also useful when it comes to make decision. For instance, it’s necessary for students who study economy to study some political courses. Because it can help know the development of the society and thus sometimes can help them make a good investment. Takes the stock market investment as an example, 断句if someone lacks enough knowledge of the politics, he or she might be failed constantly in making investment, because the stock market is largely influenced by the policies or decisions that made by government. Accordingly, from this perspective, it’s good for students to study lessons outside their own major.
你的主题句的意思有点模糊 你需要有一个更明确的中心
our world - the world
might also be useful
comes to making decisions
study economics
take some ... courses
might be failed 动词形式
Finally, the reason why some people don’t agree with this statement is that studying course outside of students’ major will occupy lots of their time and therefore they can’t study their own major well. From my perspective, with the development of the technology, students can rely on new methods to study, which will enable them to study the same course more effectively. Contrary to the previous students who had to take class in classroom, students nowadays can study at anywhere and anytime if they have an iPad. In addition, the reason why many students suggest they don’t have enough time to study is that they spend too much time in playing computer games or their mobile phones. Hence it’s safe to say that they have enough time to study other courses if they can use their time more wisely.
is that这里要注意hedging / may be that ...
为什么有了新技术就能解决占用时间的问题呢
第二个理由也不太好 不够convincing
To sum up, learning courses outside students’ own major is necessary for them. On the one hand, this will help them study their own major more effectively. On the other hand, it will help them better know the world and might also helpful when they have to make decisions. In addition, time can’t be a problem if students can better utilize their time.
2015/7/18 19:14 2nd edition
这一篇是最后一篇修改的，还是要注意断句问题，以及typo,和小的表达错误。每段要体现中心。
To sum up, learning courses outside students’ own major is necessary for them. On the one hand, this will help them study their own major more effectively. On the other hand, it will help them better know the world and might also helpful when they have to make decisions. In addition, time can’t be a problem if students can better utilize their time.
In this day and age, the number of universities that require their students to study courses outside the student’s field of study is enhancing rapidly. Some people hold the view that this requirement is unnecessary, because these courses are useless in the students’ future. Yet some people support the idea, as they think student have to grasp different knowledge in order to become more competitive. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the decision of the school aforementioned, because if students can use their time effectively, taking a varieties of students will help students study their own major and know the world we live in much better.
To begin with, taking a varieties of lessons outside a person’s major will help him or her study the major effectively. Because the more kinds of lessons someone takes, the more perspective someone has. Therefore, there might be more effective solutions when he or she encounters with problems in their own majors. To illustrate, an economic major student might have to deal with lots of data during his or her research work, which is arduous if someone does it by him/herself. However, if this student is good at using the advanced software in the computer, processing thousands of data might just takes his or her a few minutes, which enables him or her to finish the work in a much shorter time. Consequently, taking courses of other areas can enhance the study efficiency of a student’s major.
Further, students can know the world better if they can have courses outside their own major, which might also be useful when it comes to making decisions. For instance, it’s necessary for students who study economics to take some political courses. Because it can help know the development of the society and thus sometimes can help them make a good investment. Takes the stock market investment as an example, if someone lacks enough knowledge of the politics, he or she might fail constantly in making investment, because the stock market is largely influenced by the policies or decisions that made by government. Accordingly, from this perspective, it’s good for students to study lessons outside their own major.
这一段写主题句的时候拿捏了很久不知道写什么合适，本来想让主题句代表一个方面而不至于过于片面，根据王老师的意见感觉这一段貌似得做很大的调整才能有真正意义的核心啊，我自己写的还是不到位感觉
Finally, the reason why some people don’t agree with this statement might be that studying course outside of students’ major will occupy lots of their time and therefore they can’t study their own major well. From my perspective, with the development of the technology, students can rely on new methods to study, which will enable them to study the same course more effectively because they can acquire knowledge by utilizing the resource on the Internet without waiting for teacher to teach it. Contrary to the previous students who had to take class in classroom, students nowadays can study at anywhere and anytime if they have an iPad. In addition, the reason why many students suggest they don’t have enough time to study is that they spend too much time on playing computer games or their mobile phones. Hence it’s safe to say that they have enough time to study other courses if they can use their time more wisely.
修改的时候补充了一句，因为新科技可以让学生们利用网络上的资源而不用等着老师来教，最后一个例子说实话我看到老师的评语有点意外，我觉得根据我的生活经验，抱怨时间不够的学生，很大程度上是玩电子产品所导致占用时间太多，这种所谓的社会调查屡见不鲜，我原以为应该是一个很普遍的现象，所以在这里还想和老师讨论一下这个例子的取舍问题，因此在这里暂时不对这一部分进行修改。
To sum up, learning courses outside students’ own major is necessary for them. On the one hand, this will help them study their own major more effectively. On the other hand, it will help them better know the world and might also helpful when they have to make decisions. In addition, time can’t be a problem if students can better utilize their time.
作者: dingchenchen 时间: 2015-7-15 21:33:05
本帖最后由 dingchenchen 于 2015-7-15 21:40 编辑
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-7-15 20:29
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's fie ...
你好
总体来说你的作文比较好，语言总体挺流畅，句型多变，文章结构也挺好，学习了~
下面是我看出来的一点小问题：
第二段
To illustrate, an economic major student might have to deal with lots of data during his or her research work, which is arduous if someone does it by him/herself.
which is arduous if someone does it by him/herself这句我感觉表达有点不清晰，自己用什么东西处理数据
如果写成……which is arduous if someone does it without advanced software that ……句子又好长啊。
第三段
Further, students can know hour world better if they can have courses outside their own major,
笔误
第四段
In addition, the reason why many students suggest they don’t have enough time to study is that they spend too much time on playing computer games or their mobile phones.
应该去掉on吧
spend in doing sth
spend on sth
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-16 20:32:07
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-7-21 20:18 编辑
Argument 85
85) In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citizens conducted by the University of Waymarsh, most respondents said that they preferred literary classics as reading material. However, a second study conducted by the same researchers found that the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Waymarsh was the mystery novel. Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the first study had misrepresented their reading habits.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
2015/7/16 19:45-20:10
My response:
The author of the argument points out the subjects in the first study misrepresented their reading habits. However, there are some evidence is needed to evaluate the argument correctly, which includes the evidence of the number of books and the people’s reading time of each type of books, the reading habit of the people and more detailed information about the survey.
汗 there be句型错误
整句话结构错误 包括后面的不定式
evidence of - information about
Firstly, we need to know the number of classical books in the libraries that are available to the readers. Maybe the public libraries in Waymarsh actually don’t have a large number of classical books while what they have more is mystery novel. Therefore, it’s natural that the mystery books became the kind of book that had been checked out with the highest frequency. In addition, we also have to know the average time that a person need to finish reading a classical book and a mystery novel. If people have to finish reading a classical book for a much longer time, the borrowing frequency of the classical books might also be lower than the frequency of mystery novel.
一开始的主题句并没有概括全段的内容 当然 只要这段的内容是相关的 没有概括问题夜不是很大
这段整体来说写得还可以
Further, it’s also necessary for us to know the reading habit of the people in Waymarsh. To illustrate, perhaps the people live in Waymarsh love buying their favorite books to read rather than borrowing them from the libraries. And this might have a great impact on the borrowing frequency of the classical book if the classical book is the most popular book among Waymarsh people. Plus, people nowadays may have access to read books online as many classical books are permitted to spread on the Internet without copyright protection. Consequently, the people in Waymarsh might also read their favorite classical books online without borrowing from the libraries if they prefer to read through Internet.
这个主题句应该是跟我的范文写的吧 其实这样写不够准确 因为上段也有内容涉及到阅读习惯 这里应该概括为 sources of books更好
live in Waymarsh－ living in Waymarsh
if the classical book is the most popular book among Waymarsh people.这里和上句衔接有问题
have access to read books 你的表达问题不小
Finally, we also need to know more information about the two survey. For instance, we’d better know the number of subjects that participated in the two survey. The conclusion of the two survey might not be convincing if there were just few subjects took part in it, as they may not be able to represent the reading habit of the whole population. Meanwhile, we have to know the method that researchers used in the first experiment in order to know which kind of book people like to read more. Maybe the questionnaire that used by the researchers didn’t include all types of books, 断句问题 therefore people had to choose their favorite books among limited types. People can reflect their preference precisely only when the questionnaire covers all types of books in the world.
怎么会有two surveys
there be 句型
in the first experiment哪里有experiment
断句问题
2015/7/18 17:15 2nd edition
修改心得
1 第一次交作业的时候没有仔细检查，没想到这么多typo....比如have access to doing, living in 这样的低级错误，下次输入时会更加细致；
2 断句问题会更加注意，避免太多长句子的出现，注意表述的准确性，比如最后一段的错误 survey和experiment等的误用都是看完argument在写作时印象模糊而没有及时回查导致的。
My response:
The author of the argument points out the subjects in the first study misrepresented their reading habits. However, we still need some extra evidence in order to evaluate the argument correctly. The information we need includes the number of books and the people’s reading time of each type of books, the reading habit of the people and more detailed information about the survey.
这里的there be绝对是一个绝对低级的错误，开头这么蠢感觉好不应该，下次不会了
Firstly, we need to know the number of classical books in the libraries that are available to the readers. Maybe the public libraries in Waymarsh actually don’t have a large number of classical books while what they have more is mystery novel. Therefore, it’s natural that the mystery books became the kind of book that had been checked out with the highest frequency. In addition, we also have to know the average time that a person need to finish reading a classical book and a mystery novel. If people have to finish reading a classical book for a much longer time, the borrowing frequency of the classical books might also be lower than the frequency of mystery novel.
Further, it’s also necessary for us to know the favorite reading resource of the people in Waymarsh. To illustrate, perhaps the people living in Waymarsh love buying their favorite books to read rather than borrowing them from the libraries. And this might have a great impact on the borrowing frequency of the classical book if the majority of welcomed classical books are bought by Waymarsh people for reading. Plus, people nowadays may have access to reading books online as many classical books are permitted to spread on the Internet without copyright protection. Consequently, the people in Waymarsh might also read their favorite classical books online without borrowing from the libraries if they prefer to read through Internet.
Finally, we also need to know more information about the two studies. For instance, we’d better know the number of subjects that participated in the first study. The conclusion of the survey might not be convincing if only few subjects took part in it, as they may not be able to represent the reading habit of the whole population. Meanwhile, we have to know the method that researchers used in the first study in order to know which kind of book people like to read more. Maybe the questionnaire that used by the researchers didn’t include all types of books. Therefore people had to choose their favorite books among limited types. And people can reflect their preference precisely only when the questionnaire covers all types of books in the world.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-20 23:17:58
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-22 12:16 编辑
Issue 91
91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
My response:
2015/7/20 22:41-23:08
As far as I am concerned, I agree with the statement that the technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency while I disagree with the statement that the primary goal of the technological advancement is to enable people have more leisure time. Whether the development of technology will let people have more free time is depended on the type of people.
is depended on 这个错误好像不是第一次了吧
To begin with, for the elderly people, the advancement of technology will increase their efficiency, 断句therefore, they can have more free time. To illustrate, old people don’t have to go to work every day and what they have to do in their daily life is just some basic chores, like washing clothes or cooking. Fortunately, the development of the science and technology provides them with many modern facilities, such as washing machine and cooking robot. Consequently, they can finish doing chores in a much shorter time, which means that the technology development increase their efficiency. And thus they can have more leisure time because they might not have other work to do.
cooking robot这是啥？
the goals should be 这个问题没有讨论
Further, for the people who study in school, technological advancement will enhance their study efficiency while might not let them have more free time. Compared with previous students, modern students have more accesses to getting knowledge. If they have some problems in their study, what they have to do is just utilizing their mobile phone or iPad and searching the solution on the Internet. In addition, teachers can using slides rather than writing on the blackboard to teach their lesson. As the result, the development of technology do increase the students’ study efficiency. However, another result is, teachers might require students to study more, which means that students might have to study more courses in a semester. Accordingly, in order to study well, they might not have much free time in the end.
while might not let them have more free time这里while用得不对 but好些
previous students- students in pre-modern society
more accesses to getting knowledge - 不懂你的意思
teachers can using 语法
As the result - as a result
However, another result is, teachers might require 为什么会有这个结果
Accordingly- consequently
Finally, for the scientists and researchers, the advancement of technology will also increase their work efficiency yet decrease their leisure time. For instance, the development of computer science let physiologists get rid of arduous calculating work, which indicates that physiologists don’t have to spend much time in calculating anymore. And thus the development of technology do increase their work efficiency. Yet scientists now have to put much efforts on analyzing the results that emerge in the calculating process than ever before, which is an even more time-consuming job. Therefore, scientists might have less free time from this perspective.
let physiologists get rid of arduous calculating work, which indicates that 改写
不要老是用let sb do something
with the develooment of computing technologies, more powerful computing tools can be used ...
不要用indicate 另起一句
from this perspective 这里不合适
To sum up, the development of technology indeed increase the people’s efficiency. However, not all the people will have more leisure time as the result. On the one hand, elderly people who don’t many work to do, they will have more free time as the result. On the other hand, students and scientists might have even less free time because of the development of technology.
many work 不可数
as the result. - as a result
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-21 20:17:54
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-23 06:37 编辑
Argument 54
54) Humans arrived in the Kaliko Islands about 7,000 years ago, and within 3,000 years most of the large mammal species that had lived in the forests of the Kaliko Islands had become extinct. Yet humans cannot have been a factor in the species' extinctions, because there is no evidence that the humans had any significant contact with the mammals. Further, archaeologists have discovered numerous sites where the bones of fish had been discarded, but they found no such areas containing the bones of large mammals, so the humans cannot have hunted the mammals. Therefore, some climate change or other environmental factor must have caused the species' extinctions.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
2015/7/21 19:30-20:01
My response；
The author of the argument points out that the species’ extinctions in Kaliko Islands couldn’t be caused by humans. And the author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which cover the contact between human and mammals, the hunting behavior of humans and the environmental change. We need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the author’s argument correctly.
结论部分原作者的语气是肯定的 所以这里hedge未必合适咯
cover和assumption搭配不合适
correctly- critically
To begin with, the author of the argument states that the human couldn’t cause the extinction of large mammal species in the Kaliko Islands by pointing out that there is no evidence shows any essential contact between human and mammals. And this is based on the assumption that the absence of contact means there is no such contact. However, extinctions of mammal species happened at least 4000 years ago, which indicates that the evidence of extinction might exist but couldn’t be discovered by people right now. It’s possible that the geological structure of the Kaliko Islands has changed significantly during the past years, and the evidence of mammal extinction has been buried so deep that people might not have the ability to detect them right away. Consequently, the conclusion might be unconvincing if the evidence of the contact do exists.
there be句型错误
essential选词
deeply
does exist
Further, the arguer contends that the reason why human couldn’t have hunted the mammals is that no bone of large mammals has been discovered by people, which is based on the assumption that the absence of bones equals to no hunting behavior from humans. Yet the reason why no bones left in sites where the bones of fish had been discarded might be that the Kaliko hunted large mammals while the bones of mammals have other use for Kaliko people rather than discard them directly. For instance, the local people in Kaliko Island might use these bones to feed their dog, which made the bones couldn’t be seen by people now. Accordingly, the result of the argument might be unreliable if Kaliko people captured mammals and used the bone to feed the dog.
equals to 选词 除了means还可以用什么词 我要再想想
no bone was left
which made the bones couldn’t be seen by people now这里make用得不好
狗会把骨头啃碎么？ 感觉这里提出的可能性略不靠谱
Finally, the author indicates that the mammal extinction in Kaliko Island must be caused by climate change or other environmental factors, which might overlook other factors that could have the same effect on species. For instance, the settlements of humans could be a possible factor that cause the extinction of mammal species. Even if human in Kaliko Island didn’t hunt mammals, the noise they made at night and the islands they occupied might also disturb the mammals’ normal life and influence their reproduction. Hence, the human might still be a main factor of causing extinctions if their life had negative influence on mammals, which means that climate change or environmental factor might not be the only reason that cause the species’ extinctions.
这段没有指出assumption啊
基本思路是 原作者假设了如果不是A造成的就一定是B造成的 但其实有可能是C
你的思路是对的 但是不提assumption这段就废了
作者: bairong 时间: 2015-7-21 21:15:09
To begin with, the author of the argument states that the human couldn’t cause the extinction of large mammal species in the Kaliko Islands by pointing out that there is no evidence that shows any essential contact between human and mammals. However, extinctions of mammal species happened at least 3000 years ago,which indicates that the evidence of contact might exist but couldn’t be discovered by people right now. It’s possible that the geological structure of the Kaliko Islands has changed significantly during the past years, and the evidence of contact between mammals and humans has been buried so deep that people might not have the ability to detect them right away. Consequently, the conclusion might be unconvincing if the evidence of the contact do exists. （这儿应该是contact的证据不是extinctions的证据吧）
For instance, the local people in Kaliko Island might use these bones to feed their dog, which makes the bones that couldn’t be seen by people now.
Hence, the human might still be a main factor of causing extinctions if their life had negative influence on mammals, which means that climate change or environmental factor might not be the only reason that causes the species’ extinctions.
你好，我是你楼下的小伙伴，红字部分是我改的，仅供参考。如果我没有楼下的小伙伴或者你有时间的话，也可以帮忙看看我的习作哈，谢谢~
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-23 16:51:29
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-25 20:14 编辑
62) The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals.
"In a laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, a concentrated solution of UltraClean produced a 40 percent greater reduction in the bacteria population than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During a subsequent test of UltraClean at our hospital in Workby, that hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations throughout our hospital system.”
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
2015/7/23 16:05-16:33
My response:
The author of the argument suggests that people should provide all hand-washing stations throughout our hospital system with UltraClean in order to prevent serious patient infections. To support this idea, the author points out some evidences, which include the result of a laboratory study and a test at hospital. A number of assumptions have been made in the argument, and we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate this argument critically.
evidence不可数
To begin with, the author of the argument supports his or her statement by citing the result of a laboratory study, which is based on the assumption that the UltraClean will work well in hospital as well as in laboratory. However, maybe the work efficiency of the UltraClean will be greatly influenced by the work environment. Therefore, it might work much worse than the liquid hand soaps in hospitals even if it works better in the laboratory. Consequently, the author’s suggestion might be unwarranted if the UltraClean can’t behavior well in the hospital.
will work well in hospital as well as in laboratory.
will kill bacteria in hospital as effectively as in lab
will be greatly influenced by the work environment. - how?
注意这里的关键词是concentrated solution
Further, the author suggests that all the hospital system should use UltraClean by saying that the result of a test shows that the hospital who used UltraClean had fewer cases of patient infection. And this suggests that the author assumes that the reason why hospital that used UltraClean had fewer cases of patient infection is that UltraClean can prevent the infections effectively. Unfortunately, other factors might also make contribution to this test result. To illustrate, it’s possible that the cleaners in this hospital were required to clean the hospital more frequently, which might also hamper the occurrence of the infection. Therefore, the author’s suggestion might be unconvincing if the lower rate of infection in the test was caused by factors other than UltraClean.
by saying that 表达
argues that ... based on the results...
And this suggests that (this指代不明） - Here
Unfortunately, - Nevertheless
hamper the occurrence 选词搭配 (reduce the chance)
Finally, the author indicates that in order to prevent serious infections, people should supply UltratClean at all hand-washing stations, which is based on the assumption that UltraClean will be more effective for all kinds of infections than liquid hand soaps. However, the argument doesn’t show the related information. Perhaps the UltraClean only works well when facing the bacteria that used in the laboratory, yet different areas might have different types of bacteria throughout the people’s hospital system. If the UltraClean can’t prevent infections that caused by other bacteria other than those used in laboratory, it’s unnecessary for people to use it at all hand-washing stations, which also means that the author’s suggestion is not compelling.
when facing the bacteria that used in the laboratory 选词 及 句子结构
这里的关键词是serious 你到后面就没有提到了
写作备忘：
1. 考虑了hedging的问题
2. 注意回应题目要求，这种形式的题目要求要一定回应出assumption是什么
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-24 17:17:00
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-25 21:29 编辑
Issue 78
78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
2015/7/24 16:28-17:02
My response:
People’s attitudes are determined by many factors, which include the immediate surroundings and the whole society. While some people hold the view that people’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate surroundings, I agree with that whether the statement aforementioned is true depend on different age group of people. The attitudes of young children and elderly are determined more by their immediate surroundings, yet both the society and immediate environment make contribution to determining teenager’s attitude.
agree with that - believe that
depends on the age of the people
make contribution to - play a role in
你最后半句没有回答题目的比较 究竟哪个影响更多
To begin with, the attitudes of young children are influenced more by their immediate surroundings. To illustrate, young children don’t have any concept about the society, and they have to learn virtually all of behavior from their surroundings. For instance, young children will learn how to speak by imitating what their parents do, and will know whether what they do is right or wrong through their parent’s reaction to their behavior. Although many children might live in a society together, they might have numerous of traits during their learning behavior through immediate environment, which means the immediate surroundings make more contribution to determining their attitude.
don’t have any concept about表达 这么明显的汉译英啊
整段对于attitude这个词的处理不充分
Further, the attitudes of teenagers are influenced by both their immediate surroundings and the whole society. Most teenagers haven’t developed a full series of worldview, values and philosophy, and thus the immediate atmosphere they live in, which include the friends they have or the work they do, will still have influence on determining their attitudes. For instance, the reason why many Chinese teenagers take drugs is that they make friends with some bad people. However, teenagers also have more accesses to knowing the society, such as learning news through newspaper, which means that their attitudes will also be determined by the society, too. For instance, Lu Xun, a famous writer in China who used to be a doctor, decided to become a writer after learning the corruption of the government in previous China. Hence, the attitude of young people are determined by many factors, and it’s difficult to determine which factor plays a more significant role in developing it.
主题句没有正面回应题目的问题 哪个影响更多
你想说对毒品的态度么 这里还是要具体讨论对什么的态度比较好
Finally, as for old people, their attitudes are possibly determined more by their immediate environment. To illustrate, old people don’t have to do much work in their life, and they always have their constant view of the world and society, which is unlikely to be changed by the society. On the contrary, some events that happen in the immediate environment they live in might have large impact on their attitude. For example, a positive old man might become a pessimistic person due to the death of his couple while they don’t concern much about the events happen in the society.
possibly determined- probably
例子出现太晚
couple - spouse
这道题没有合适的具体的例子 很难写好
To sum up, I agree with the statement that whether people’s attitude is determined more by immediate surroundings other than society depend on the age group that people in. For young children and elderly, their attitudes are determined more by their immediate surroundings. For teenagers, both immediate environment and society will make contribution to determining their attitudes.
I agree with the statement that 这个后面是你的观点 不是之前人提出的 所以不能用这个句型
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-27 23:46:17
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-7-28 11:18 编辑
Issue 100
100) Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.
2015/7/27 23:03-23:33
My response:
Nowadays, the modern concept of the education puts greater emphasis on developing students’ sound characters than ever before. Therefore, some people hold the view that colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country. From my perspective, I think that whether this policy is effective depends on students in different major. For students who study foreign art or sociology, spending time studying aboard is a good choice for them. For students who study science and technology, students who have enough money to study aboard is also a good choice while it doesn’t matter if someone decides to study in their own nation.
therefore前后看不出来因果关系 你第一句的关键词是character 这个和study abroad有啥关系呢（连贯与衔接问题）
depends on students in different major- depends on the majors of the students and their financial background （也是连贯与衔接的问题；后面提到钱的问题，这里要保持一致）
For students who study foreign art or sociology- art history and social science （选词要考虑实际情况和概括性）
For students who study science and technology- study science and engineering （选词）
For students who study science and technology, students who have enough money to study aboard is also a good choice while it doesn’t matter if someone decides to study in their own nation.整句话的结构有问题（句子结构）
it doesn't matter 选词 if someone decides to study in their own nation. 不懂你的意思
To begin with, it’s better for students who study foreign art or sociology to study aboard, which provides a precious chance for them to experience different kinds of foreign culture and thus becomes beneficial for their study. To illustrate, for an American student who study Chinese opera, having choice to study in China for at least one semester enables them to observe different kinds of opera in a short distance. And this real experience will help him or her study their major better, as watching the opera in theater will leave a more impressive memory in students’ minds. Similarly, a sociology-major student will have access to experiencing different kinds of society by studying aboard, too. Consequently, for students who study foreign art or sociology, studying aboard is beneficial for their study.
better- necessary 注意回应题目的required
having choice to study in China- chance/ opportunity (选词）
in a short distance- first hand 选词
as watching the opera in theater will leave a more impressive memory in students’ minds. 这里的细节不是很convincing啊 这个好难写 要不你可以说一下可以接触到演员、观众做访谈 以及有很多资料可以收集
experiencing different kinds of society by studying aboard 这个细节也太抽象了 前一个例子讲清楚就很好了
注意题目是说required 仅仅是beneficial是不够的
Further, for students who study science and technology, spending at least one year studying aboard will have a positive influence on them as they might have access to know the edging development of their major. For instance, as one of the biggest developed countries, the United States becomes the leader in many industries, such as computer science. Therefore, if a Chinese student has access to studying in the U.S for at least one semester, he or she will get to know the edging development of his or her major, which is helpful for their future development. In addition, after studying aboard students will learn different study methods, which might become a powerful complement for their own study.
at least one semester啊
have access to know 词性 搭配
industries - fields 选词
has access to studying 搭配 不会用的词就别瞎用 就算全篇都是GSL的词也好过用错啊
know the edging development 这个说法已经出现两次 说明你没有深入展开的细节 没有干货啊
其实你可以考虑一下学习涉及到什么 包括 faculty; prospective employer; research projects 美国这个领域 领先 所以那里的教授比较牛 还有雇主可以提供intern 或者交流的机会
Finally, it doesn’t matter if students who study science and technology have trouble in studying aboard due to lacking of money or other factors. On the contrary, the advantages of studying in students’ own country sometimes outweigh the disadvantages. To illustrate, some students might have to spend a long time in adjusting new life if he or she goes to study aboard. In other words, they might not pay attention to studying for a long time after going aboard, which isn’t cost-effective. And students might suffer from heavier financial burden after choosing to study in another country, which might also become a distraction to prevent them from focusing on their study. Therefore, for students who don’t have enough money or aren’t good at adjusting to new life, studying in their own country is also a good choice.
doesn’t matter你知道matter是啥意思么 主题句不合适 要明确回应题目 possible consequences of implementing the policy
lacking- 词性
这段的中心是讲缺钱？To illustrate, some students might have to spend a long time in adjusting new life if he or she goes to study aboard. 这里又提到适应问题
既然前面是按照学科分类这里也应该按学科分类讨论比较合适
To sum up, I think that for sociology-major or foreign art-major student, colleges and universities should require them to study aboard, which is beneficial for their own study. And for students who study science and technology, if they can adjust to the new study life quickly and don’t have to worry about financial problem, requiring them to study aboard at least one semester is also a good choice for them.
作者: 夏夜之潘 时间: 2015-7-28 11:14:25
本帖最后由 夏夜之潘 于 2015-7-28 11:47 编辑
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-7-14 21:45
Argument 32
32)The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
Duri ...
那个，第一次给别人点评，不当的地方请见谅哈
首先，语言上，说“the fewer accidents they will cause”是有点奇怪的，工人在事故中是受害者，并不是他们有意制造事故的，用the fewer accidents they will be involved 之类的表达可能更人性化一些。work hour 可能语法上也对，但我总觉得应该是working hours。
另外，楼主觉得不好总结对吧，而且我觉得第一点和第三点有点重复的感觉，我想到的是这样的思路：
第二段：作者假设了除了work shifts 以外自己工厂的各种条件都和其他工厂一样是有问题的。然后列他因。。。
第三段：就算上一条假设成立，减少work shifts 也不一定提高睡眠时间。
第四段：工伤少了productivity也不一定提高。
嗯。。。求批改~
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1779720228
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-28 11:16:16
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-29 00:08 编辑
Argument 100
100) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
My response:
2015/7/28 10:30-11:03
The author of the argument suggests that Monroe should have a jazz club which is profitable. And the author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which include the people who took part in jazz festival last year, the musicians that have homes in Monroe and the typical fans that live in Monroe. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.
Monroe should have a jazz club which is profitable 和题目中的意思不一样啊 opening a Jazz club in ... should be profitable
assumption include the people ... 搭配
To begin with, in order to prove that there are lots of music-lovers in Monroe, the author points out that over 100,000 people took part in jazz festival that held in Monroe last summer and the radio program that has the highest reputation is ‘Jazz Nightly’. And this is based on the assumption that the all people who took part in jazz festival come from Monroe and the reputation of radio program can reflect people’s preference. However, perhaps most of the people that participated in jazz festival came from other area rather than Monroe only, and the reason why ‘Jazz Nightly’ is the highest-rated radio program might be that the local people in Monroe can hear just two radio programs and they might like ‘Jazz Nightly’ better. Hence, Monroe might not have so many jazz-lovers if the statement aforementioned is true.
can hear- can access 选词
Further, the arguer contends that establishing a jazz club in Monroe will be profitable by pointing out that many well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. And the author draws his or her conclusion by assuming that these jazz musicians will live in Monroe constantly and go to the club. Nevertheless, it’s possible that these famous jazz musicians just live in Monroe for serval weeks per year in order to have a vacation, and thus they might be unwilling to go to the jazz club even if they live in Monroe as they want to have a rest. Therefore, the jazz club in Monroe might not be attractive to them and consequently the author’s conclusion is unconvincing.
Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. 这个也是支持 Jazz music is extremely popular 不明白你为什么要提 go to the club 感觉你这里对题目有点误读
Finally, the author of the argument points out the club would be profitable by giving the evidence that jazz fans will spend some one-thousand-dollar per year on jazz entertainment. And the author’s conclusion is based on the assumption that all people in Monroe is typical jazz fans and thus are willing to spend money going to the club. However, even if people in Monroe do like jazz music, they may not like going to the music club because perhaps not all of them are wealthy. In addition, even if music fans will spend about $1000 per year on jazz entertainment, they might just use money to buy jazz-related instruments rather than going to the club. Consequently, opening a jazz club in Monroe might not be profitable if the Monroe doesn’t have enough people who like to investigate on joining in the club.
because perhaps not all of them are wealthy - 这个和wealthy关系不大 because perhaps they prefer to stay at home ...
作者: 赵祎 时间: 2015-7-28 18:18:58
整体感觉挺好哒，发现我自己写的可以借鉴一下你这个，把前两个揉到一块儿，另外比如1个小时以外那个没有提到不知道会不会有影响？
还有觉得最后写一个概括性的总结有没有必要呢？〉因为之前看介绍结构是要写一个的，不知道啊哈哈。。。
语言上我的一个感觉尤其是前面就是that好多啊~！
作者: dingchenchen 时间: 2015-7-28 22:55:13
浅评如下：
对于题目中的假设我也有些疑惑，因为有的时候我觉得题目中的假设你能找出来的不止三个，然后，如何取舍？
题目中的data没有用完可以吗？
这个我也不太清楚。
最最严重，你的末段没有粘贴上来。。。。。。不会没有末段吧？
句子我看不出有什么问题，我觉得挺好。
有一点小瑕疵（我也不知道对不对哈）：
para 1
The author of the argument suggests that Monroe should have a jazz club which is profitable.
题目中是要要贷款建立一个俱乐部，不是建议Monroe city建立一个jazz club。这句有待商榷是不是。。。
我觉得这样要好一些：
The author of the argument applied for a small-business loan in order to build jazz club with the belief that the club would be profitable.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-28 23:50:03
赵祎 发表于 2015-7-28 18:18
整体感觉挺好哒，发现我自己写的可以借鉴一下你这个，把前两个揉到一块儿，另外比如1个小时以外那个没有提到 ...
1. 一篇argument的逻辑问题肯定大于等于3个，只要能找到三个，自圆其说就好；
2. argument不用写结尾段
以上两点是厨师班老师的上课建议。。。。
3. that的问题。。以后的写作会注意句式多样性的，谢谢提醒。
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-28 23:52:52
dingchenchen 发表于 2015-7-28 22:55
浅评如下：
对于题目中的假设我也有些疑惑，因为有的时候我觉得题目中的假设你能找出来的不止三个，然后 ...
真巧欸，你和楼上问了一模一样的问题。。
1. 一篇argument的逻辑问题肯定大于等于3个，只要能找到三个，自圆其说就好；
2. argument不用写结尾段
以上两点是厨师班老师的上课记录，王老师也说了argument可以省去结尾段，个人觉得既然可以省干嘛不把更多精力用在论证上。。。。
3. 谢谢提醒，有时候会出现转述argument失真的问题。
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-7-29 00:10:02
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-7-28 23:52
真巧欸，你和楼上问了一模一样的问题。。
1. 一篇argument的逻辑问题肯定大于等于3个，只要能找到三个， ...
我觉得中间三段的论述最主要的是找准三个方面 你可能找到超过3个assumption 这时就可以根据具体的内容来决定放在哪三段里 当然 我自己考的时候写了不止3个中间段
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-30 00:03:24
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-31 09:11 编辑
Issue 105
105)
Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience.
Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
2015/7/29 23:15-23:50
My response:
Nowadays, some people agree with that imagination is a more valuable asset than experience as people who lack experience can imagine without being constrained by established habits and attitudes. As far as I am concerned, I hold the view that whether the statement is convincing depends on people in different age group. For young children who don’t have much experience, imagination is a more valuable asset. Yet for teenagers and elderly, imagination and experience have the same significance to them.
some people agree with that- believe 选词
As far as I am concerned, I hold the view that 这个有点重复啊
depends on people in different age group- depends on the ages of the people
elderly- adults 选词
To begin with, compared with experience, imagination might become more essential for young children. To illustrate, young children don’t have much experience and what way they rely on to explore the world is by their curiosity that driven by imagination. For instance, lots of parents like to read fairy tales to their child, and the hero of these tales constantly include some images established on animals. These stories will board the children’s imagination. And when parents bring their child to the zoo or the park, their children will express strong interests to the animals, which represents a typical way for children to explore the world. Therefore, from children’s perspective, imagination is a more valuable asset for them, which will help them discover the world.
what way they rely on to explore the world is 句子结构
that driven by imagination 句子结构
some images established on animals- some images of animals
These stories will board the children’s imagination. 搭配
为什么想象力对孩子更有价值 你这段的例子并没有说的很清楚 在童话书里读到动物的故事和在动物园里看动物这两件事和想象力有什么关系 感觉木有说清楚啊
另外这一段也没有回应reason
Further, for people who have work, imagination has the same significance as experience. On the one hand, people who have imagination will think without some established habits and attitudes, which might have a positive influence on their future. For instance, around five years before, when conventional mobile phone makers tried their best to improve the hardware of their products, Jobs introduced the idea of smart phone into people’s life by utilizing his creative imagination, and the coming of smart phone has greatly changed our life. On the other hand, people’s imagination has more possibility to become the reality if they have some experience. If Jobs didn’t know anything about the mobile phone industry, his imagination couldn’t come into real so fast. Therefore, I think people who have work, both imagination and experience are essential for them.
主旨句里说的是teenager 这里变成 office workers?
到了例子里又变成 product designer和entrepreneurs 感觉你对文章的内容还是缺少整体的规划啊
也许你可以先想例子 再从例子里提炼观点
Finally, for elderly, having enough life experience as well as imagination will enable them live a good life. In other words, both imagination and life experience are indispensable for them. To illustrate, if a retired people want to go travel alone, the life experience he or she has will help him or her decide where to go and what to do. A person who catch cold easily will obviously choose someplace that is usually warm. In addition, having imagination can let people always have expectation for their life, which will make them become more positive. Therefore, both the imagination and life experience are vital for elderly to have a good life.
挺勉强的 感觉这个例子不给力啊 后面说的内容不仅适用于老年人
To sum up, I think that the significance of imagination to people varies from age to age. For young children who don’t have much experience, imagination plays a more essential role in them. Yet for elderly or people who have work, both imagination and experience are indispensable for them.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-7-30 17:17:11
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-31 22:45 编辑
Argument 34
34) The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."
2015/7/30 16:30-16:59
My response:
The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries recommends that the company should implement electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use from their work stations in order to increase their productivity and finally improve their overall profits. And a series of assumptions are used by the author of the recommendation in order to draw the conclusion, which includes the ways to kill time, relationship among the productivity, profits, ethic and Internet monitoring policy. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the recommendation critically.
assumption - used 搭配
which includes the ways to kill time which指代的是assumption吧 后面和include搭配不对
To begin with, the author of the argument points out that employees won’t waste their time anymore by installing software to detect their Internet use on company computer. And this is based on the assumption that spending time using computer on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games, is the only way employees might kill their time. However, the employees might waste their time by other way. For instance, at the work time, they might just sit on their chairs without doing nothing, which will also have a negative effect on their productivity. Consequently, if the employees at Climpson have other ways to kill their time, monitoring their behavior on the Internet might not increase their productivity.
detect their Internet use 搭配
这里没有讨论用手机上网 这个点是不应该漏掉的
Further, the president contends that implementing electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use will decrease the time that wasted by employees and then increase their productivity. The president assumes that the productivity of the employees will be influenced by the time wasted by people only. Nevertheless, other factors might also have a negative effect on it, such as the emotion of employees. For instance, if the industry monitor the use of the Internet in employees’ work stations, employees might feel uncomfortable, which might prevent them from concentrating on their work. Therefore, if something other than time can influence the employees’ productivity, the author’s conclusion might be unconvincing.
the time that wasted 句子结构
The president assumes that the productivity of the employees will be influenced by the time wasted by people only. 这个说法是不对的
Finally, the author of the argument suggests that by installing software to detect the use of Internet on company computers, overall profits will be improved and a better work ethic at Climpson will foster. And this is based on the assumption that the industry ethic and profits are largely influenced by the computer use. However, on the one hand, the ethic of a certain industry might be influenced by factors more than the use of computer, such as the emotion of the employees aforementioned. On the other hand, even if monitoring the Internet use can increase the employees’ productivity, the overall profits might not be enhanced as they may be determined by other things, like the market condition. As the result, the vice president’s suggestion might be unwarranted if the factors mentioned above do have impact on shaping the ethic at Climpson and improveing the industry’s overall profits.
a better work ethic at Climpson will foster搭配
你这里强调影响work ethic的其他因素 这个思路是错误的 因为即便有其他因素也不代表改变这个因素没有用
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-4 12:04:11
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-16 12:38 编辑
Issue 57
57) The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
说明：这篇文章依然存在超时问题，原因还是立意方面，在一开始不能对全文有一个准确而及时的把握，耽误了一点时间。
一些思路和词句借鉴了老师的范文
2015/8/4 10:10-10:45
My response:
From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that the main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times in terms of the physiology and belief system. 这句话要分成两句来写 因为physiology和belief system都是你自己提出的概念 不是原命题的内容 这是很明显的问题啊 In addition, I would argue that we shouldn’t ignore the role that history plays in our education.
To begin with, modern people are significantly different from their ancestors in shapes and other factors of the physiology. With the development of agriculture and technology, most people don’t have to worry about their living problems anymore. To illustrate, previous people usually had to be concern about their food resource while people nowadays have a relatively stable food resource because of the technology development. As the result, people pay more attention to living a healthy life. Therefore, modern people usually have longer lifespan and become much taller and stronger than previous people. However, this difference is not an illusion between us and our ancestors, and thus I think the meaning of studying history is to be grateful about the modern life.
previous people搭配
however这句话的意思乱七八糟的 汗
Further, people’s belief systems have changed a lot as the time goes by. For instance, in the pre-modern world, people’s social status had been determined before they were born. Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants were born as peasants. Our ancestors held the view that the social hierarchy was strict and difficult to be changed. Nowadays, with the widespread of the education, the society becomes more democratic and people’s concept of the social hierarchy has been changed. People that born in an ordinary family can become the elite of the society by their efforts. And the concept difference about the social hierarchy is not an illusion, either. The meaning I think to study the history is to feel lucky about the time we live in and to be more positive about our world.
concept difference 搭配
The meaning I think to study the history is to feel lucky意思模糊
Finally, we shouldn’t ignore that history is essential for us to learn the modern world. To illustrate, history is a story we invented about the past rather than a simple reconstruction about the previous time. In fact, it’s virtually impossible for us to reconstruct the past due to the incomplete records and limited understanding. For example, the study of Industrial Revolution will give us a better understanding of how powerful the technology could be to have a profound impact on people’s lives rather than a complete picture of how people developed new technologies at that time. Likewise, the study of the World War II would warn us about the dire results about the war. All in all, the educational value that history has can’t be overlooked by us.
ignore the fact that ...
To sum up, I think the statement is misleading as we are physiologically and ideologically different from our ancestors. Nevertheless, the history plays an essential role in teaching us appreciating the modern lives and learning the world better.
前面有几句的语言表达问题很严重
总的来说还可以
2015/8/16 12:24 2nd eidtion
修改记录：
1. 之前写这种立论的时候没有意识到如果否定原观点提出新观点的时候要断句，现在意识到了这样确实不合适。
2. 修改了一些表达方面的问题。
From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that the main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times. In terms of the physiology, studying history will make us become grateful about our modern life, while and belief system in terms of belief system, studying history brings us a positive attitude toward life. In addition, I would argue that we shouldn’t ignore the role that history plays in our education.
To begin with, modern people are significantly different from their ancestors in shapes and other factors of the physiology. With the development of agriculture and technology, most people don’t have to worry about their living problems anymore. To illustrate, our ancestors previous people usually had to be concern about their food resource while people nowadays have a relatively stable food resource because of the technology development. As the result, people pay more attention to living a healthy life. Therefore, modern people usually have longer lifespan and become much taller and stronger than previous people. And this discrepancy is not an illusion between us and our ancestors. Therefore, I think that the meaning of studying history is to be grateful about the modern life. However, this difference is not an illusion between us and our ancestors, and thus I think the meaning of studying history is to be grateful about the modern life.
Further, people’s belief systems have changed a lot as the time goes by. For instance, in the pre-modern world, people’s social status had been determined before they were born. Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants were born as peasants. Our ancestors held the view that the social hierarchy was strict and difficult to be changed. Nowadays, with the widespread of the education, the society becomes more democratic and people’s concept of the social hierarchy has been changed. People that born in an ordinary family can become the elite of the society by their efforts. And the concept difference of people’s concept about the social hierarchy is not an illusion, either. The meaning benefit I think to study the history is to make us feel lucky about the time we live in and to be more positive about our world.
Finally, we shouldn’t ignore the fact that that history is essential for us to learn the modern world. To illustrate, history is a story we invented about the past rather than a simple reconstruction about the previous time. In fact, it’s virtually impossible for us to reconstruct the past due to the incomplete records and limited understanding. For example, the study of Industrial Revolution will give us a better understanding of how powerful the technology could be to have a profound impact on people’s lives rather than a complete picture of how people developed new technologies at that time. Likewise, the study of the World War II would warn us about the dire results about the war. All in all, the educational meaning that history has can’t be overlooked by us.
To sum up, I think the statement is misleading as we are physiologically and ideologically different from our ancestors. Nevertheless, the history plays an essential role in teaching us appreciating the modern lives and learning the world better.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-4 12:32:20
以Issue 57范文为例--文章的呼应和连贯
范文分析：
57）The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
I do not agree to this statement about how we can benefit from studying history because people nowadays are indeed very different from those in earlier times in terms of physiology and belief system. In addition, the educational value of studying history should not be ignored.
Due to the fundamental changes in lifestyles,【这里回应第一个点：physiology】 modern people are significantly different from our ancestors in terms of the shape of our bodies and other aspects of our physiology. For one thing,【过度，用for one thing, for another thing连接，体现段内结构】 in our industrialized society, with the access to abundant food, we do not need to spend most of our time hunting and gathering for food to survive. With more calorie intake and other nutritous food, we are in general healthier and taller than our ancestors and enjoy longer lifespan as well. 【展开说明physiology的一个change及其原因，用industriliazed society体现历史性质】 On the other hand, the sendantary lifestyle has also led to more health concerns such as high blood pressure and obesity that were unknown in earlier times.【展开说明physiology的另一个change】
Our belief systems have also been modernized since Industrial Revolution. In the pre-modern world, the social positions of our ancestors were often defined and fixed at the time they were born. Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants's children were also peasants. Our ancestors considered such social order as natural and acceptable. 【说明旧社会的社会制度，后一句是前一句的细化】Nowadays, with the introduction of public education, modern society has become increasingly meritocratic.【说明新社会的社会制度】 As monarchies were often replaced by democracies, people from humble socioeconomic classes may move upwards socially if they demonstrate their talents that the society need. 【说明这一变化的影响】
As I illustrate clearly above, the difference between us and our ancestors is not an illusion.【回应题目里的illusion观点，也呼应了Tp里自己的观点】 Therefore, one of the benefits of studying history is to recognize and understand that difference and feel lucky and grateful for the more desirable human conditions. 【亮明自己的观点】Nevertheless, the statement is also wrong in assuming that the study of history is only a matter of learning facts.【论证另一种可能让观点错误的可能】
As far as I am concerned, a more important benefit of studying history is to better understand the modern world. 【回应第三个主题词】As we know, history is not reconstruction of what happened in the past. In fact, it is nearly impossible to do that given the incomplete records of the past and our limited understanding of the world. Instead, history is a story we invented about the past that can help us better understand who we are and what we can do in modern society. 【提出新概念，进一步支撑观点，第一句是一个大概念，第二句进一步说明了第一句提到的观点】 The study of Industrial Revolution, for example, would not give us a complete picture of how people in 18th and 19th century developed new technologies. But a better understanding of how steam engines changed the manufacturing industries will help us predict the impact of the Internet on modern industries. 【举例子论证观点，前半句呼应 in fact这一句，后半句呼应主题句】 Likewise, the study of WWII would warn political leaders nowadays about the dire consequences of industrialized warfares. 【举例子论证观点】
To reiterate my position, the statement is misleading in that we are indeed physiologically and ideologically different from our ancestors; in addition, the statement unnecessarily narrows the potential benefits of studying history.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-5 20:44:50
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-16 11:52 编辑
Argument 135
135)
The data from a survey of high school math and science teachers show that in the district of Sanlee many of these teachers reported assigning daily homework, whereas in the district of Marlee, most science and math teachers reported assigning homework no more than two or three days per week. Despite receiving less frequent homework assignments, Marlee students earn better grades overall and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. These results call into question the usefulness of frequent homework assignments. Most likely the Marlee students have more time to concentrate on individual assignments than do the Sanlee students who have homework every day. Therefore teachers in our high schools should assign homework no more than twice a week.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
2015/8/5 20:00-20:29
My response:
The author of the argument suggests that teachers in our high schools should assign homework less than three times per week. The author of the argument cites the data of a survey to illustrate his or her idea. However, we still need to know some evidences in order to evaluate the argument correctly, which include the amount of the homework in two schools, the evaluation mechanism of each school and the feasibility of requiring all teachers assign less homework.
evidence不可数
我觉得还应该考虑一下老师有没有改作业 光布置了不检查不反馈效果也会差很远的
至于最后一点要求老师少布置作业的可行性 我觉得不太成立吧
To begin with, the author of the argument cites the data of a survey to suggest that it is because the less homework frequency that cause the students in Marlee have better grades. Nevertheless, we don’t know the exact amount of homework that assigned by teachers. Perhaps the teachers in the district of Sanlee assign homework everyday while each assignment is composed of only three basic problems. Yet each assignment that assigned by the teachers in Sanlee consists at least ten difficult problems. Consequently, the students in Marlee might spend more time and more efforts on their study, which cause them get higher grades. Therefore, we need to know the more details about the homework.
这段写得挺好
Further, in order to emphasis his or her viewpoint, the arguer suggests that students in Marlee earn better grades and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. Nevertheless, we don’t know if these two discrepancies are caused by the difference in homework frequency. We still need evidence about the students’ average intelligence and the student evaluation system in each school. Perhaps the students that study in Marlee always have higher intelligence quality, which makes them become easier to get better grades. In addition, maybe the teachers in Sanlee evaluate their students with a relatively strict standard, which makes it difficult for students to get high grades. Consequently, we need to know the detail information about the quality of the students and evaluation systems to know whether the discrepancies mentioned in the argument are caused by other factors.
emphasise/ support
always-去掉
also the requirement for repeating grades could be different
Finally, we need to know the viability to let all the teachers in Sanlee schools assign homework with less frequency. No evidence shows that students who study subjects other than math and science will have higher grades if their teacher assign homework with less frequency. Maybe they can’t find their problems in study if they do homework less frequently when they study subjects like Chinese or history. Therefore, applying this change to all subjects might cause them have lower grades. Hence, we need to know the viability to require all the students assign homework less frequently.
这段的点我觉得不太成立
2015/8/16 11:48 2nd edition
这篇感觉还好，修正了老师提出的一些的语法错误
The author of the argument suggests that teachers in our high schools should assign homework less than three times per week. The author of the argument cites the data of a survey to illustrate his or her idea. However, we still need to know some evidence in order to evaluate the argument correctly, which include the amount of the homework in two schools, the evaluation mechanism of each school and the feasibility of requiring teachers of all subjects assign less homework.
To begin with, the author of the argument cites the data of a survey to suggest that it is because the less homework frequency that cause the students in Marlee have better grades. Nevertheless, we don’t know the exact amount of homework that assigned by teachers. Perhaps the teachers in the district of Sanlee assign homework everyday while each assignment is composed of only three basic problems. Yet each assignment that assigned by the teachers in Sanlee consists at least ten difficult problems. Consequently, the students in Marlee might spend more time and more efforts on their study, which cause them get higher grades. Therefore, we need to know the more details about the homework.
Further, in order to support his or her viewpoint, the arguer suggests that students in Marlee earn better grades and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. Nevertheless, we don’t know if these two discrepancies are caused by the difference in homework frequency. We still need evidence about the students’ average intelligence and the student evaluation system in each school. Perhaps the students that study in Marlee have higher intelligence quality, which makes them become easier to get better grades. In addition, maybe the teachers in Sanlee evaluate their students with a relatively strict standard, which makes it difficult for students to get high grades. Consequently, we need to know the detail information about the quality of the students and evaluation systems to know whether the discrepancies mentioned in the argument are caused by other factors.
Finally, we need to know the viability to let all the teachers in Sanlee schools assign homework with less frequency. No evidence shows that students who study subjects other than math and science will have higher grades if their teacher assign homework with less frequency. Maybe they can’t find their problems in study if they do homework less frequently when they study subjects like Chinese or history. Therefore, applying this change to all subjects might cause them have lower grades. Hence, we need to know the viability to require all the students assign homework less frequently.
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-8-6 08:42:05
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-8-5 20:44
Argument 135
135)
The data from a survey of high school math and science teachers show that in th ...
最后一段的point 现在看来是成立的 我之前看漏了 ~~~
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-6 21:31:35
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-16 10:42 编辑
Issue 1
1) As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
2015/8/6 20:25-20:57
My response:
Nowadays, with the development of science and technology, people become increasingly rely on technology to solve problems. Therefore, some people hold the view that the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. Nevertheless, I would argue that whether this statement is true depends on different types of people. For students, their thinking ability might not be as good as previous people. Yet for elderly and working stuff especially those scientists and engineers, technology advancement will greatly enhance their thinking ability.
become increasingly rely动词用法
previous people选词搭配
stuff- staff working staff是啥意思？ officer workers?
To begin with, the thinking ability of the students might be deteriorated by the development of science and technology. To illustrate, in math class, previous people had to solve a complicated equation by themselves, which required the students to know more knowledge and then find the solution. However, with the development of technology, students can solve these difficult equations by computers or calculators. What should they do is just type the equation into the computer and then they will get the right answer within a second, which don’t need the thinking process of people anymore. Nowadays the number of students who use their calculators or computers to do their math homework is increasing rapidly. In other words, they might become less skillful in thinking solutions than previous people.
用Matlab是要学写代码的呀
What should they do is just type the equation句子结构
thinking solutions搭配
Further, for the working stuff, especially those people who are scientists and researchers, the development of the science and technology will let them think more. Take the development of computer as an instance again, 断句due to the limitation of arduous calculation work, previous people who studied astrophysics have to spend lots of time on calculating work. Nowadays, they don’t have to worry about the calculating problem anymore with the help of advanced computers, which makes them put more efforts on data processing and analyzing. Compared with calculation, data processing and analyzing require people to become more skillful in thinking. Hence, for people who have work, the development of science and technology might increase their thinking ability.
people who have work是什么意思
Finally, for elderly, the technology and science advancement will also have a positive effect on enhancing their thinking ability. To illustrate, elderly don’t have to do chores anymore in their daily life, which enables them to do other things like reading, playing chess and so on. And activities like reading and playing chess will have positive effect on increasing or maintain the old people’s thinking skills. In addition, in some advanced countries, many old people have a smart robot in their home, which can talk to them, play with them and thus prevent their thinking skills from deterioration that caused by loneliness. Therefore, the advancement of science and technology will increase the thinking ability of elderly.
老人都会去下棋读书么 technology如何减少chore也没有说啊
为什么机器人和他们说话就可以避免思考能力退化
that caused by loneliness 句子结构
感觉还是缺少合适的例子啊 思考的能力到底是什么 你需要在实际的例子中去界定它啊
To sum up, I think whether development of science and technology will deteriorate the people’s thinking ability is true depends on different types of people. The thinking ability of the students might be deteriorated while of the elderly and working stuff might be increased.
2015/8/16 2nd edition
由于上一次的分类和例子十分不合适，所以借鉴老师范文的结构和例子改写一篇。
这一篇老师的点评提醒我了论述例子的时候要注意其逻辑连贯性，也就是要注意呼应例子和TS,TP的关系，注意前因后果。
Issue 1
1) As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
My response:
It’s no doubt that modern people have become increasingly dependent on advanced technologies to solve many problems in different fields. However, whether or not our thinking ability will be deteriorated depends on our roles we play in the society. For people who develop the technologies to solve problems and people who engage in policy making, their abilities to think will be sharpened. Yet for people who don’t seek opportunities for creative thinking in this technology-driven society, their thinking ability might be deteriorated.
To begin with, it’s true that scientists and engineers always rely on technologies to solve their problems in research and product developments. Yet they have to rely on their own thinking abilities to solve problems in their works. For examples, software engineers of mobile apps rely on the programming platforms to develop the apps. The platform can help the engineers to visualize the user interface and tell engineers how the users behave in response to designs. Nevertheless, engineers have to think by themselves to debug their programs and decide how to improve the design. Hence, for scientists and engineers who are responsible for developing the theoretical and practical aspects of the new technologies, their ability of thinking will not deteriorate.
Further, the development of new technologies also improve the thinking ability of those people responsible for formulating policies and rules regulating the use of technologies. For instance, the popularity of social networking sites, such as Facebook and Twitter, presents a variety of social problems such as cyberbullying, hacking and privacy violation that call for the introduction of new rules and policies. Therefore, government officials, and experts have to work harder to find solution in order to address these issues. Although they might rely on e-mail, analytical software to help them find the solution, they still have to think about these issues from different perspectives and come up with their own decisions. As a result, for these policy makers, this statement doesn’t not hold true, either.
Nevertheless, for those who don’t have the opportunities to think creatively and critically as a result of technological development, their thinking ability might be deteriorated. For instance, with the prevalent of television, people rely on this multimedia way to get news, which suggests they don’t have to read newspaper critically and make one’s own decisions anymore. As TV can keep the children busy and occupied for hours, parents don’t need to think about how to develop interesting and creative activities for their children. Consequently, these people aforementioned might gradually lose the abilities to develop more creative solutions through their own thinking.
To sum up, I hold the view that whether this statement is true depends on different roles people play in the society. For people who rely on technology to solve problems and policy-makers, their thinking ability might not be deteriorated. Yet for those who lose their opportunity to think critically and creatively, the development of technology might deteriorate their thinking ability.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-8 21:53:17
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-11 23:50 编辑
Argument 14
14) The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
2015/8/8 21:15-21:41
My response:
The author of the argument suggests that a company who wants to become successful should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. The author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which include the reliability of the survey, the reason that cause a company’s faster growth and the prerequisite of a business who wants to prosper. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.
which include- which involve 选词搭配
the reason that cause - the reason why ...
a business who wants to prosper选词搭配
To begin with, the author of the argument cites the result of a recent study to support his or her conclusion. And the author assumes that the subjects that took part in the study truly reported their information about sleeping hours. However, we don’t know anything about whether the information from the subjects was true. Maybe most of the executives who engaged in the survey didn’t want to truly report their sleeping information, which they think as a person’s privacy. Hence, if people can’t truly express their sleeping hours, the author’s conclusion is unconvincing.
they think as a person’s privacy- they consider as ...
这里的理由不算太让人信服吧 或许说他们想impress别人更好些
truly express their sleeping hours 选词 accurately report
Further, the author draw his or her conclusion by pointing out that a company whose executives need less than six hours sleep per night could has higher profit and faster growth. And this is based on the assumption that it is the relatively less sleep hour that cause the higher profit and faster development of a certain company. However, this assumption might also be unconvincing. Many factors other than the executives’ sleeping hour might also make contribution to prompting the company’s profit margins and development. For instance, the higher work efficiency and outstanding teamwork spirits of executives might have a great positive effect on the company’s profit and growth. Therefore, the author’s suggestion might be useless if the statement aforementioned is true.
could has 动词用法
that cause 动词用法
Finally, the author suggests that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. And this is based on the assumption that only people who sleep fewer time per night can determine whether a certain company has possibility to become prosper. Yet the arguer doesn’t give any evidence about this, either. Maybe some people who have more than eight hours sleeping time per night can also make the company to become prosper, because they have more rest and become more energetic to deal with their work. Consequently, the author’s argument might be unwarranted if people who sleep more than six hours per night also can lead a company to prosperity.
The assumption here is that the need of sleep of executives and the staff at other levels have the same effects on the company's prosperity.
我觉得你漏掉了两个重要的点
第一由广告业延伸到所有行业
第二由管理人员延伸到所有的员工
这么重要的两个破绽你没有回应 说明你需要去刷argument题库了
2015/8/11 23:49 基于第一稿基本错误的修改
内容调整还需补上
The author of the argument suggests that a company who wants to become successful should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. The author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which involve the reliability of the survey, the reason why a company grows fast and the prerequisite of making a business prosper. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.
To begin with, the author of the argument cites the result of a recent study to support his or her conclusion. And the author assumes that the subjects that took part in the study truly reported their information about sleeping hours. However, we don’t know anything about whether the information from the subjects was true. Maybe most of the executives who engaged in the survey didn’t want to truly report their sleeping information, which they consideras a person’s privacy. Hence, if people can’t accurately express their sleeping hours, the author’s conclusion is unconvincing.
Further, the author draw his or her conclusion by pointing out that a company whose executives need less than six hours sleep per night could have higher profit and faster growth. And this is based on the assumption that it is the relatively less sleep hour that causes the higher profit and faster development of a certain company. However, this assumption might also be unconvincing. Many factors other than the executives’ sleeping hour might also make contribution to prompting the company’s profit margins and development. For instance, the higher work efficiency and outstanding teamwork spirits of executives might have a great positive effect on the company’s profit and growth. Therefore, the author’s suggestion might be useless if the statement aforementioned is true.
Finally, the author suggests that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. And this is based on the assumption that the need of sleep of executives and the staff at other levels have the same effects on the company’s prosperity. Yet the arguer doesn’t give any evidence about this, either. Maybe some people who have more than eight hours sleeping time per night can also make the company to become prosper, because they have more rest and become more energetic to deal with their work. Consequently, the author’s argument might be unwarranted if people who sleep more than six hours per night also can lead a company to prosperity.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-11 23:32:42
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-8-16 15:00 编辑
Issue 2
2) To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
2015/8/11 22:10-22:45
My response:
The most important characteristics of a society include the society’s political system, economy development and educational system. As far as I am concerned, I would argue that it’s necessary for someone who wants to understand them to study the major cities in the society, 断句yet I also agree with that people can’t ignore the significance of studying rural areas if he or she wants to fully understand the society’s most essential characteristics.
economy development- 词性
agree with that 搭配 选词 believe that 我在点评你的文章时会想去看看我之前写的 或许你在自己的帖子这里加个链接或者比较一下你的思路和我的思路会方便些
我不知道为什么你还会出现断句的问题 已经这么久了
To begin with, one must study the major cities in order to learn a society’s political system. To illustrate, during the presidential election in U.S.A, candidates usually put more efforts on encouraging voters that live in major cities to support them. Consequently, it’s a great chance for someone to study various electioneering activities that held on the street in order to understand an essential aspect of the political system in U.S.A. Nevertheless, studying a society’s rural area is also helpful for people to know it. For instance, voters in rural area might held different opinions about a particular issue compared with people live in major cities. Consequently, we need to study both the major cities and rural area in order to fully understand the political system of a society.
learn about 搭配
that held - that were held 动词用法
know it指代不明
Further, economy is another significant characteristic of a society. And studying the major cities is an effective way to learn the society they belong to. For instance, Beijing and Shanghai are two of the biggest cities in China, who typically represent the cutting edge of the economy development in China. Therefore, someone who wants to learn the economy development of China can observe the stock exchange in Shanghai, or investigate companies in the central business district in Beijing. Nevertheless, we should notice the fact that economy resource is not distributed evenly in a certain society. For instance, there are still lots of poor areas in China, and people who wants to study the economy of China shouldn’t overlook these areas. In other words, after we studying the economy development in both rural area and major cities can we know the economy development of the society better.
economy- characteristic 搭配
learn the society - 上面既然是说economy 这里就应该具体说economy 前后连贯与衔接
economy development 你见过这么用么 词性
Finally, education system lay the foundation for the future development of a society. And this is another major characteristics of a society. There might be some variance of education system in different region of a society. For instance, nowadays, in China, most primary school students that live in major cities have access to taking science self-exploration class, as their school are equipped with advanced facilities and schools in cities put greater emphasis on cultivating students’ creativity. However, in some schools in rural area, students are required to do agriculture work like picking cotton, which will not only develop their working skills but also alleviate their parents working pressure. Hence, a person can’t fully know the education system of a society unless he or she studies the system in both major cities and rural areas.
have access to taking science self-exploration class搭配
In conclusion, to understand the political system, economic development and educational system of a society, it is indispensable to study the major cities as well as the countryside and the suburban areas where different types of people are engaged in different political, economic and educational activities.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-13 21:49:55
Issue 119
119) When old buildings stand on ground that modern planners feel could be better used for modern purposes, modern development should be given precedence over the preservation of historic buildings.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
这篇超了时，主要问题存在于干货的寻找和表达，老师之前这题让写过提纲，这篇文章也是按照老师提过意见以后的的提纲扩充而成。
2015/8/13 20:50-21:30
My response:
Nowadays, virtually all city planners have to face a problem that whether the old buildings should be protected if they stand on ground that could be better used for modern purposes. Some people hold the view that modern development should be given precedence over the preservation of historic buildings. Yet I would argue that whether the statement is practicable depends on different types of buildings. For those areas that are occupied by lots of historic buildings, people should try their best to preserve them. And for a single old building, people can transform it if it can be repaired and then serve modern purpose. Nevertheless finding another place to reconstruct it is also a good way.
To begin with, for an area with high density of historical buildings, people should try their best to preserve them rather than use the land they stand on for modern purposes. To illustrate, the quadrangle, the Forbidden Palace in Beijing epitomize the original people and noble classes’ life of old China. Therefore, these old buildings are precious treasure for people who want to know the Chinese culture. And these old buildings are an integrity, which suggests that their aesthetic value will be damaged if any of them will be destroyed. Consequently, even if the Forbidden Palace and many old quadrangles stand on the city center of Beijing, city planners shouldn’t use these lands for modern purposes.
Further, for a single old building, people should find a way to transform it first due to its historical values. Maybe after transformation, these old buildings could serve new functions and thus be used for modern purposes. For instance, Da Hua Theater, which was built in the time of Republic of China, stands on the city center of Nanjing. And it had not got repaired since the establishment of the People Republic of China. Until 2006, due to its unique architecture design, city planners and constructors tried their best to transform this old theater into a modern cinema. Therefore, this historical building serves new functions now. Hence, if it is possible, transforming is a good way for use ground for modern purpose without destructing of the old buildings.
Finally, finding another place to reconstruct a single old building is an alternative way if the disadvantage of protecting it outweigh the advantage. For instance, Xun Li Men railway station, which had one hundred-year history in Wu Han, was built at another place in 2009. And people built a shopping mall on its ground. Because this railway station didn’t have any function of a railway station anymore, building a shopping center will make greater contribution to the development of city, and rebuilding this railway station at another place would preserve its historical value. And thus it might be called as a win-win strategy to a great extent.
To sum up, I think whether the modern development should be given precedence over the old building protection depends on different types of buildings. For an area who has many old historical buildings with high concentration, people should try their best to preserve it. And for a single building, city planners should see whether it could be used for modern purposes after transformation. If not, rebuilding the old building at another place might be a good choice.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-14 20:35:31
Issue 3
3) Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
这一篇经改写范例而来，借鉴了不少素材。
2015/8/14
My response:
As far as I am concerned, I agree with the statement that educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. On the one hand, students can choose majors for which they are better prepared to perform well academically and then enjoy their college life. On the other hand, it is also helpful for government to lower the unemployment rates. And I also think that people don’t have to worry much about whether educational institutions have the ability to give a right instruction to students.
To begin with, from the students’ perspective, students can choose majors for which they will perform better in their academic work and thus enjoy the college life. To illustrate, a student who isn’t not good at study math and politics wants to study economy and wants to get a job as an economy analyzer. Nevertheless, he doesn’t know that economy involves a significant amount of advanced mathematics, politics and sociology, which he didn’t have learned in high school. Therefore, if the school can persuade him from doing a degree in economy, the student might switch to a different major like psychology, which he has more possibility to do well. And with better academic performance, the student can better enjoy his college life and thus get himself prepared for the future life.
Further, with the help of educational institution, the social problem of unemployment of college students might be alleviated effectively. For instance, in many developing countries such as India and China, college graduates might find it is difficult for them to get a satisfied job after graduation, as they lack enough guidance to know whether their major would help them to find a good job. Yet if senior-high school students get the advice from the information of different majors before deciding their college major, they might have chance to make a wiser choice and the unemployment rate of the society will also be decreased. In other words, it’s the guidance from educational institution that plays an essential role in lowering the unemployment rate of the society.
Some people might argue that the schools can’t accurately predict whether a student would succeed in a particular field or not. As far as I am concerned, I concede that any attempts of persuasion might lead to waste of talents. Nevertheless, schools have the ability to give a relatively suitable suggestion to students, which is based on their academic records and their performance in a related academic subjects. For example, the performance in math of students interested in economy. In addition, compared with others, teachers might give a relatively reliable advice to students according to their work experience. Hence, the schools can make prediction about students’ future performance with better confidence.
To sum up, I agree with the statement that educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from studying fields in which they have less possibility to become successful. For one thing, this will help students become well prepared for their future life. For another thing, it might have a positive effect on alleviating the unemployment rate of society. And I believe that educational institutions have the ability to decide if a person in a certain field will be successful.
作者: dgvwser 时间: 2015-8-15 01:38:42
顶一个
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-16 13:33:14
Argument 6
6) Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic regions. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of the year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the purported decline in deer populations is the result of the deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
2015/8/16 12:45-13:16
My response:
The author of the argument suggests that the decline in Arctic deer populations is the result of the deer’s being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. Nevertheless, we still need some extra evidence in order to evaluate the author’s conclusion critically, which involves the detail about the report from local hunter, the climate of the deer’s habitat and other factors that might cause the decline in deer populations.
To begin with, in order to draw his or her conclusion, the author of the argument cites the report from local hunters to show that the populations of the deer are decreasing during these years. Yet we still have to know more details of the report in order to justify its reliability. Perhaps it is the deer have changed their habitat in order to avoid hunting by humans that cause the hunters feel difficult in finding them. In addition, the author doesn’t tell us how many hunters engaged in this report. Maybe the number of the hunters was too small to reflect the truth. And if these things aforementioned is true, the population of deer might not decrease and thus the author’s conclusion is unwarranted.
Further, we need to know more information about the local climate change. The arguer of the argument suggests that the global warming trends have caused the sea ice to melt and thus made it difficult for deer to find food. However, maybe the climate of the deer’s habitat is different from the global trend. If the local climate is still cold enough or even become much colder, the ice couldn’t melt and thus wouldn’t limit deer to search for food. What’s more, even if the local temperature rise, the climate change may not play a role in decreasing the population of deer. It is possible that the warmer temperature sustain more plants, which makes deer don’t have to travel across islands to get their food. Therefore, the author’s conclusion might be weaken if the climate change doesn’t make contribution to the decline of deer populations.
Finally, we also need have evidence about other factors that might cause the decline in deer populations. Maybe it is the air pollution that has the negative effect on deer populations. Overhunting may be another significant factor. Yet the author doesn’t give us any information about the factors that might decrease the deer populations other than deer’s being unable to follow their age-old migration pattern. And the author’s conclusion might be unconvincing if other factors do play an essential role in effecting deer population.
作者: 张寄托 时间: 2015-8-16 17:46:56
第一次看到这种形式，感觉很受用，可以看看自己平时不会注意到的错误
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-24 08:43:41
Issue 108
108) Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
2015/8/24 8:00-8:29
My response:
The works in any given fields usually have to be judged by others. And some people hold the view that a critical judgement of work in any given field has to come from an expert in that field if it has value. Nevertheless, I would argue that whether this statement is true depends on different types of works. If a work that requires people to have a certain amount of knowledge to judge it, only an expert in that field could give some critical judgement. While for a work that involves more than one field, people from related fields could judge the work critically. And even general public sometimes can make contribution to judging a work.
To begin with, if a work requires people to handle some necessary knowledge to judge it, then only the expert in that field could give some critical judgement. To illustrate, ordinary people don’t have much knowledge about the higher mathematics. Therefore, they are less likely to understand the work of number theory analysis that done by lots of mathematicians, not to mention judge it critically. Hence, for this kind of work, only experts in this field could understand them and then judge them critically.
Further, for a work that involves more than one subject, people in related fields could also make contribution to judging it critically. For example, the economists in the financial department of a certain country usually have to come out a series of measures to effectively administrate the economy development of a certain country. Nevertheless, the implement of these measures usually accompany with the change of economy policies. Therefore, the expert in politics could also give judgement critically in order to ensure the measures aforementioned to be implemented successfully. Consequently, for those interdisciplinary works, experts in related judgement could give critical judgement, too.
Finally, sometimes generally public could play a significant role in giving critical judgement of a certain work. If a work is a product that will be used by numerous consumers, then the judgement of consumers is essential for product makers and designers for improve their products. For instance, with the widespread use of smart phone, the number of mobile phone apps increasing rapidly. And the designers of the app have to improve their products by knowing the judgement from users in order to not fail in the fierce competition. Therefore, for these works, not only the experts in that field but also general public could give critical judgement to them.
To sum up, I think whether the statement is true depends on different types of work. If a work that needs a certain amount of knowledge to judge it, then only an expert in that field could judge them critically. Yet for a work that involves different subjects, experts in related fields could make critical judgement, too. Last but not least, even general public could make critical judgement of a work.
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-8-24 09:50:34
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-8-24 08:43
Issue 108
108) Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from s ...
简单看了一下 这个思路是跟我的提纲 基本意思都表达出来了
语言表达也还不错 有些小问题 你可以尝试自己修改一下 比如
they are less likely to understand the work of number theory analysis that done by lots of mathematicians
这里的done
financial department 是想说Ministry of Finance 么
建议你多刷issue 感觉考场上真的什么题都有可能出
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-25 10:24:55
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-25 10:30 编辑
Argument 132
132) The following appeared in a letter to the school board in the town of Centerville.
"All students should be required to take the driver's education course at Centerville High School. In the past two years, several accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers. Since a number of parents in Centerville have complained that they are too busy to teach their teenagers to drive, some other instruction is necessary to ensure that these teenagers are safe drivers. Although there are two driving schools in Centerville, parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction. Therefore an effective and mandatory program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
2015/8/25 9:30-9:57
My response:
The author of the argument suggests that all the students should be required to take the driver’s education course at Centerville High School. And the author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which involve the severity of accidents, the number of parents who have complained that they don’t have time to teach their kids how to drive and other solutions of the driving program. And we need reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.
To begin with, in order to backup his or her view point, the author of the passage cites an evidence that serval accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers in the past two years. And the author assumes that these accidents were serious. However, the author doesn’t give any information about details of the accidents. Maybe the accidents that mentioned by the author of the argument were too minor to cause people to get injured. And many the drivers have to encounter with this kind of minor accidents serval times per year. Consequently, if the statement aforementioned is true, it’s unnecessary for the school to require all the students to take the driver’s education.
Further, in order to show the necessity of requiring students taking courses, the author points out a number of parents complained that they don’t have time to teach their kids about how to drive. And this reason is based on the assumption that the number of parents who don’t have time is very large. Nevertheless, the author doesn’t give us the exact number of parents who don’t have parents and the total number of parents. Perhaps 100 parents in the school complain about the time while the total number of parents in the school is 20000. Obviously, most of the parents still have time to teach their kids about how to drive by themselves. Therefore, requiring all the students to take mandatory program might be unwarranted.
Finally, the author asserts that an effective and compulsory program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem. And the author assumes that no way can solve the problem other than requiring students to take class. Yet the author doesn’t give us any information about other possible solutions, either. Maybe the school can contact with traffic police departments to strength the administration around the school, which may be also useful to solve the problem. Consequently, the arguer’s suggestion is unwarranted if other solutions could be found to solve this problem.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-25 10:26:47
tesolchina 发表于 2015-8-24 09:50
简单看了一下 这个思路是跟我的提纲 基本意思都表达出来了
语言表达也还不错 有些小问题 你可以尝试自 ...
好的，会尝试去修改的。。那里是想说财政部。。一下忘了怎么表达，希望考场上RP能好点来道简单一点的题吧。。。
作者: guanjingyu 时间: 2015-8-25 20:36:25
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-8-25 10:24
Argument 132
132) The following appeared in a letter to the school board in the town of Centerville ...
第一个论点感觉说服力不是太强，我第一反应是
— several accidents happened in past two years involve teenage drivers .
/ what is the percentage of accidents involving teenage drivers (each year) ? does this number increase or decrease during the past several years?
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-8-29 09:18:36
Issue 20
20) College students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
2015/8/28 16:09-16:41
My response:
In this day and age, different people hold different views about the standard of choosing fields for college students. Some people agree with the statement that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field. Unfortunately I might disagree with this idea. As far as I am concerned, relying on availability of jobs to choose study fields might reduce the students’ passion of study, and the availability of jobs might change over time. Although some people might say that this statement will lower the unemployment rate of the society, I would argue that it might not have such effect.
To begin with, choosing field by the availability of jobs in that field might have a negative influence on the students’ life, as the students might not like studying the field that has the largest number of available jobs. To illustrate, with the development of technology, computer science has been the field that need more talents in these years. However, it’s impractical to let a student who loves history and literature while doesn’t have any interest in computer to study computer science. And this student might find difficulty in studying this major, which will take a lot of time and make him or her feel frustrated and thus have a negative effect on his or her life. Therefore, I disagree with choosing fields by the availability of jobs from this perspective.
Further, the availability of jobs might change over time. Hence, students might have to change their major over time if their choices of major were based on the availability of jobs, which is unavailable. Take the computer science again as an instance. At the beginning of 1990s, the computer science was so flourish that it created many jobs. While serval years later, the development of computer science met some difficult and thus the field that had the greatest number of available jobs changed. Therefore, if a student chose computer science as their major at its flourish period, he or she might not find a job when this field experience depression.
Finally, some people might hold the view that students should establish their choice on the availability of jobs in that field as they can lower the unemployment rate of the society. Nevertheless, I disagree with this statement. From my perspective, the unemployment rate might not decline even if students use this way to choose their major. As I mentioned above, students who choose major in this way might not have much interests in it, which will cause them have difficulty in getting good grades. And a good grade is an essential indicator when employers have to decide whether this student should be hired. Thus, the number of students who can’t get jobs in a certain field might not decrease if most of the students can’t get a good grade.
To sum up, I would argue that I disagree with the way of choosing fields. Because this way might lower the students interests in studying, and the availability of jobs might change over time. In addition, it might be useless in lowering the unemployment rate of the society.
作者: guxinhui 时间: 2015-9-28 15:20:16
本帖最后由 guxinhui 于 2015-9-28 15:25 编辑
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-5-20 01:15
Issue 17=Issue 68
Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them fr ...
Hi I want to share one response and hope you can have a look and comment?
I think of different ways as you, but I am uncertain of opposite points in the body paragraph.
Thank you very much :)
Formal education in the argument, refers to the conventional education system which student receive education from primary school all the way to universities. This traditional ways of education has been criticized by critics to restrain our minds and spirits and refrain innovationary thinking. While in our contemperaries the musical and artistic achievements could not be comparable to especially the Middle Century Italian giants like Galileo and Michelangelo, we must accept the fact that modern sciences and technologies are developing in a speed unprescendented in human history. Therefore, we must employ different education methods for different subjects. In science and technologies, our formal education seems very productive but in music and arts, we need to use unconventional education methods to educate innovative and creative individuals.
Modern education system was thrived after the Industrial revolution and education systems have been built then to meet the needs of modern industrialization. The primary subjects are sciences and technologies. For example, mathematics is the fundamental subject for engineering and those knowledge were taught to students step by step. First the basic algebra, then calculus and after that it diverges to many specialized subjects like geometric calculus, combinatorics, differential equations and so on. Without the knowledge of basic algebra and calculus, one could never be creative and innovative in any of those specializations in mathematics. This phenomenon applies for all subjects in science and technologies. Therefore, formal education systems are especially important in shaping modern scientists and engineers and we have to employ formal education in those subjects.
However, while our education system are designed to meet the needs of industrialization and create many scientists and engineers, many children gifted in music or arts were sacrificed. Formal education put(attach) too much importance for subjects on practical subjects like science and engineering. As Sir. Ken Robinson said in 2006 Tedx, "Our education system are killing creativities in our children". He had an example of Ja(Gillian Lynne) the famous British ballerina and dancer. She had been underperfomming at school and her mother thought she had a learning disorder so she took her to the doctor. The doctor discovered his talents in dancing and encouraged her mother to send her to dance school. She went on to have a wonderful career at Royal Ballet. But the problem within our formal education is that not everybody is as lucky as Gillian. Many children's gifts are overlooked and they are forced to learn the same curriculum which is not their fields. If those children kept on underperformming in school they would lose confidence and become mediocre.
So formal education does not tend to restrain students' thoughts and creativities, it just favored certain subjects like science and technologies over others. The problem with formal education is to attach too little importance to music and arts. Think of in a normal curriculum of middles school around the world, how many math classes there are and how many music classes there are. Picasso once said every child is born artist. But the formal education are oversimplifying the education process and kills the artistic or musical creativities. As human race has experienced two industrializations and now experiencing an information era, it's time to reconsider the process of formal education to make the formal education to be diverse and produce talents of all kinds.
In conclusion, formal education does not tend to restrain people's minds and spirits, it just attaches different importances to different subjects and the problems are practical subjects like science and technologies are given too much priorities over other subjects. We need to make formal education more diverse, more balanced to discover talents of every student and make them creative.
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-10-7 20:41:55
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-10-8 06:32 编辑
Argument 101
101)
There is now evidence that the relaxed pace of life in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in big cities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large city of Masonton. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents, but in Masonton the proportion of physicians to residents is five times as high. Finally, the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Masonton residents. These findings suggest that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted
2015年9月6日大陆GRE考试; 2015/10/7 20:10考场思路回忆
20:10-20:33
My response:
The author of the argument suggests that people should move to small communities in order to have longer and healthier life. And the author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which involve the relationship between the number of sick leave report and people’s health condition, the relationship between the number of physician per thousand people have and the people’s health condition, and whether factors other than life pace might influence people’s life. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.
To begin with, the author of the argument suggests that Leeville people have a relatively healthier life because fewer sick leave reports were taken by individual workers in Leeville. And the author assumes that lower number of sick leave report represent the better health condition of people. Yet, this assumption might be unwarranted. Perhaps many people live in Leeville have some chronical diseases, which might not occur at the workday and thus people might not have to ask for sick leave. Consequently, if this thing happens, fewer sick leave reports might not show the better health condition in Leeville, and thus the argument is unconvincing.
你这个切入点是对的 但是其他可能性仅仅只是讨论慢性病不是很足够 还有很多其他的可能性 比如说 公司管得不严 或者 小镇上很多人退休了不需要请病假
Further, the author also points out that the people in Leeville is much healthier because Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents. This is based on the assumption that the fewer physicians per thousand people have, the healthier the residents will be. However, other factors might cause this. For instance, it’s possible that people live in Masonton are more concern about their personal health, and they need to have more physicians to make regularly body examination for them every year, and in fact they might not have poor health condition. Consequently, the author’s conclusion might not be compelling if the situation aforementioned occurs.
这里也是探索其他可能性不够充分 比如大城市的医生多可能是由于政府对医疗有补贴 或者 收入较高 吸引较多的医生 也可以结合上段来讲 医生较多 看病方便 所以请病假也比较多
Finally, the arguer also assumes that the relaxed pace of life could be the only reason that cause better health condition of people in Leeville. However, other factors might also make contribution to influencing people’s health condition. Compared with big cities, perhaps small towns have fewer air pollution, or people live in there have different living habit. And these factors might play an important roles in influencing people’s health condition and longevity. Hence, if the people’s longevity and healthier conditions are caused by factors other than life pace, the author’s suggestion might be unnecessary.
the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher这个点没有写
还有最重要的一点是这个argument从个案得出一般的结论 这是方法论的问题
再加上你的语法问题 比如 more concern about 里应该是concerned
有这篇可以看出 你对argument里找切入点和提出其他可能性这两方面还需要更多的练习
作者: 锤先森G330 时间: 2015-10-10 13:15:05
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-10-10 13:17 编辑
Issue 28
28) The surest indicator of a great nation is represented not by the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but by the general welfare of its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
2015年9月6日大陆GRE考试原题，2015/10/10考场思路回忆
2015/10/10 12:35-13:04
My response:
Nowadays, many people debate over what can be the surest indicator of a great nation. Some people hold the view that this indicator can be the general welfare of its people. Nevertheless, I think a “great” nation is a country that can has profound impact on the world or the development of human. And thus the surest indicator of a great nation is represented by the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists. At the same time, I think that general welfare is an essential but not the surest indicator of a great nation.
To begin with, the achievements of a certain country’s artists can become the surest indicator of a country. To a great extent, art can represent the thinking of humanity, which suggests that those countries who have brilliant art achievements will have more impact on the world. To illustrate, China can be called a great nation in many people’s eyes. And one of the main reasons is that China has so many art achievements, which has a great impact on the world from time to time. For example, Zhuo Zheng Garden, which is one of the most famous garden that made by artists in Ming dynasty, becomes the paradigm that studied by numerous garden artists all the time. Consequently, a country that has great achievements of artists can be called a great country as it makes great contribution to the culture development and thus has a long-term effect on people.
Further, a country that has lots of achievement in science can be called a “great country”, too. Because this kind of countries will frequently come up with many new ideas, or inventions. And these things might greatly change people’s life all over the world. For instance, The United States can be called a great country. Even if it has been established for just serval hundred years, fruits that yield from technology development in the United States have totally changed the people’s life. Such as telephone, which was invented by Bell; or lamp, which was devised by Edison. So, when modern people enjoying the facilities that brought by these new technologies, they will automatically think that the country that puts much efforts to put forward technology development is great.
Finally, according my definition of “great”, also the general welfare of people is essential for a great country, it might not be called “surest”. Because some country might have abundant natural resource and thus people live in there can just live on natural resource trading to have a wealthy life. For example, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is a country that have plentiful patrol resource. And even though it doesn’t have many achievements in science or arts compared with China, Egypt or the U.S, nearly all people live in there have a wealthy life. From this perspective, I don’t think that general welfare is the surest indicator of a great nation.
To sum up, I agree with the statement that the surest indicator of a great nation is represented by the achievement of its artists, science or rulers. And I also want to argue that general welfare of a country’s residents is significant but not the surest indicator of a country that can be called “great”.
作者: 心就是宇宙 时间: 2015-10-10 21:27:41
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-10-10 13:15
Issue 28
28) The surest indicator of a great nation is represented not by the achievements of its ...
开头定义了great，值得学习。
感觉我跟你的出发点和对题目的理解很不一样啊...你这样写扣题更紧
每一段从ts,举例，到总结都很完整
唯一的一点是 “general welfare is an essential but not the surest indicator of a great nation.
”但在文章中只提到为什么不是，没有提到为什么is essential. 或者应该用might be essential。而且文中有些will 也应该改成may 或might。
其实只是希望大神改改我的作文 ：
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=1#pid1779978137
作者: tesolchina 时间: 2015-10-11 11:14:19
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-10-10 13:15
Issue 28
28) The surest indicator of a great nation is represented not by the achievements of its ...
你的文章主要问题是表达方面的问题很多 这些问题你应该自己能检查出来的 比如Because引出的从句后面没有主句 比如a country that have 应该是has
另外 我不明白你为什么画蛇添足搞出一个essential v. surest 要么同意要么反对 不要搞骑墙
还有你的艺术这一段 哪里体现了艺术成果对世界的贡献 艺术的题材多都来不及 你还主动挖坑往里跳
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