Jerry的练习帖

Jerry__007UID: 3642610

7月30日开始参加2015年AW暑期同主题练习

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授权声明

本人为寄托ID：Jerry__007的持有人，现通过寄托论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本帖中本人的习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。


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tesolchinaUID: 2191404

100) Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

I do not agree with the policy that university should require all the students to study abroad for at least one semester, though oversea study experience may boost their foreign language skills and broaden their horizon.  At first, studying in a foreign country may be a total waste of time for students in certain majors such as natural history or natural language. Secondly, not every student can afford the expense to study overseas for one semester. Last but not least, due to the different education system and format, studying in a foreign country may be detrimental to the continuity and completeness and continuation of the major study.

你要注意题目的要求是 you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.
所以每段都要指出这个政策会带来怎样的后果  

其实你这三个点都是成立的 但是在措辞的时候并没有做到指出consequence 这个可能是一个问题  



Studying abroad may not be beneficial for all the students. If the university or colleges forced all the students to have a foreign study experience, a lot of students would find that they are wasting time to study overseas to fulfill the requirement. No one can deny that spending some time in another country could bring a lot of benefits. For example it would be a very good opportunity to improve your speaking and listening skills of the foreign language, which would be very attractive especially for the students major in that language. However, students major in national literature, may feel that it is not favorable for them to study abroad to improve their foreign language skill. At they would be frustrated about the limited resource regarding their major once they are in a foreign country.

这里的重点既然是学生未必收益 那么支持这个论断的例子就应该及早提出 而你到however这里才提出 显然是太晚了   这样会导致这个段落的中心不明确 对主要论点的支持也不给力



Not all the students can afford the expense of study abroad. If the university or colleges really implemented this policy, a portion of students could be faced financial problems. It is usual case that the tuition fees for international student is much higher compared with local students. In addition, there are additional cost for the transport and dormitory. This policy would deteriorate the financial conditions for the students from low-income families.

这里的consequence应该是the policy will impose extra financial burden to the students  
你应该围绕这个点展开讨论  而你这段后面的细节还是不够充分  
deteriorate the financial conditions 这里的搭配有问题  


Students may have a hard time to find the suitable course in the foreign country and this policy could cause trouble for student when making their study plans. If they could not handle this problem well, it would affect their continuity and completeness of major study. Different universities have different sets of course for the same subject. It is common sense that a serious of course needs to be taken in an appropriate sequence to have a good master of certain specialize. Due to the different education system, the course provided in different universities or colleges might be quite different. Course with the same name in two university or colleges could have quite different content. If all the students are required to study abroad, some student may cannot find suitable course in the foreign country or choose the wrong courses due to lack of information.

这段指出了后果 但是讨论不够深入 只是说了可能找不到合适的课程 然后呢 就可能学不到有用的知识 学分未必能transfer  之前学的内容和在国外学的内容会重复 或者无法衔接 这些细节你都没有写  
a serious of course选词拼写


In sum, although studying abroad has many benefits, the university or colleges should not strictly require all the students to study abroad for a certain period. In steads, they should encourage students to study abroad and take effort to provide more opportunities and options for their student to study abroad.

这里主要点评你文章的内容 感觉语言表达总体来说还可以  
你的基本思路是可以的 但是在严格按照题目要求写作以及中间段的细节展开方面还是有所欠缺  
这道题相对来说是比较容易的  遇到难题估计问题会更大一些

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

100) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.


In the application, the developer argues that a jazz music club would be a promising business in Monroe because of the popularity of the jazz music and willingness of jazz fans to spend on jazz entertainment. In order to evaluation the application, we need to scrutinize the implicit or explicit assumptions about the popularity of jazz music, the wiliness to join the newly opened jazz club and the budgets of jazz fans in Monroe.  

你这个应该是按照1+3模型来写的吧？  你之前考的时候是怎么写的。可否介绍一下？如果想了解你之前为什么考得不理想就需要看看你之前是怎么写的。  


At first, the applicants unfairly assume the popularity of Jazz music merely based on the number of people attending the annual festival, the popularity of ‘Jazz nightly’, and the well-known musician lived in Monroe. Attending the Monroe’s jazz festive fall does not necessarily means that they are Jazz fans living in Monroe. It is entirely possible that those people are actually coming from the other cities. They choose to attend the jazz festival in Monroe because of the availability of seats as there are not many jazz fans living in Monroe according to the previous years’ experience. Also, it is possible that they attend to jazz festival just to kill time and socialize with people. People rating the ‘Jazz Nightly’ high are not necessarily Jazz fans. It is possible that there are not many radio programs available in Monroe, and ‘Jazz Nightly’ happens to be the relatively better than the others. In addition, it is unwarranted to assume that jazz musician living in Monroe would works in Monroe. On the contrary, it is more likely that well-known musicians tend to live in a city far away from their working cities for privacy. Without providing evidence to validate those assumptions, the applicant fails to convince me about the popularity of Jazz music in Monroe.

assume the popularity 搭配
based on the number of people attending the annual festival, the popularity of ‘Jazz nightly’, and the well-known musician lived in Monroe. 句子结构
注意不要否定assumption  



Secondly, the applicants hastily assume that fans in Monroe would choose to join the club they set up. Being a jazz fan does not necessary justify willingness to join a jazz club. A jazz fan could be happy to attend the annual festival and listen to jazz radio program but reluctant to join a jazz club due to expensive member fee or the discomfort to mandatory following the clue’s arrangement. In addition, it is not guaranteed that fans in Monroe would not prefer joining the club one hour drives away. It is well-known that there are many other factors to be considered in addition to distance. For example, people may choose the club outside of Monroe due to better facilities. Also, they may choose the club, because they are more familiar with the member there though it may be relatively far. More information is needed to support this assumption such that the applicants could convince us that the proposed jazz club would be popular among the jazz fans.

justify willingness- 选词  
the discomfort to mandatory following the clue’s arrangement 不懂  
one hour drives away- one hour driving away  
such that- so that  选词



Another assumption made in the application is that the nationwide study could accurately reflect the behavior of Jazz fans in Monroe, which is also highly dubious. It is widely accepted that one’s spending distribution largely depends on you incomings. It is entirely possible that jazz fans in Monroe has a much smaller budget for jazz entertainment due to their lower incomings compared with the national incoming level. If this is the case, even though there are large quantities of jazz music fans in Monroe, who are willing to join the proposed jazz club, the club still would not be profitable as they just spend very few money in the club.

incomings - income  
few money- little money 选词
即便花钱在Jazz上也未必花在club里 这个point漏掉了   



In conclusion, opening a jazz music club in Monroe may be tremendous profitable as stated by the applicants. But we need to examine the assumptions discussed above with more information and to evaluate the validity of the argument.


tremendous(ly) profitable 词性