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不是我不想发附件啊,是我等级不够还不能发附件啊。 T_T
9-1 独立 改 S M8 F7 i6 X
Governments should pay more attention to health-care issues thanenvironmental issues.
two hot topics attracting extensive concerns, one is the health-care and the other is the environment. Health-care maintains an important position in the discussion on human development and somepeople suggest governments should pay more attention to it, compared with environmental issues. In my opinion, however, I don’t agree with it.
Admittedly, everyone cares about his/her health condition and no one is able to live a good life without healthy body. But this doesn’t mean environmental problems should be overweighed by governments,to the contrary, they need more attention. Obviously, our life is now sufferingthe most serious threat resulted from a variety of pollution. In India, most of citizens can not drink clean water since their mother river is badly polluted. Each year, thousands of children die from water infection there. No matter how much invested into medical equipments and pharmacy, the situation will not betotally dissolved without any actions exerted into environment. So a simpleclaim for health-care is weak and vain.2 S8 b, G9 f# V2 i' Y' @
1 ]5 V4 U! d6 J
Some people may think human beings areeasily to gain longevity nowadays because of well equipped health-care system. Nevertheless,they tend to ignore the most powerful disasters caused by environmental issues,such as earthquake, flood and mud flow. Everything will be ruined thoroughly when these night marish disasters attack. We need governments to construct warning system and all the helps with avoiding potential risks. No matter how super(powerful) the health-care system is, lack in strong dams, stable buildings, timely information and proper arrangement, life will be as fragile as the salinebottle, ironically.
It's understandable that we should payattention to the health problems, but too much focus or to say the selfishness of human being blocks people’s eyes to reach a far-sighted view. We blindly eager to lengthen our life, but refuse to devote barely more to love the environment.Though loud noises are made for protecting environment, rare effective fruitare harvested. Facing the innumerous consequences generated from environmental destruction,how can we only care about ourselves shamelessly? If governments cast no more further concerns on environmental issues, the most life-threatening disease is the selfish and blindness of ourselves. ! N( r) O7 u0 {! Q
In sum, we shouldn’t pay most of our concerns to the health-care issues. Environmental problems are equally significantand even require people’s more notice and care. So I completely disagree withthe argument.
文字非常不错,让我受教了。
但是,我想跟YUKI讨论一个问题~~:
整篇行文的结构就是三个核心段全部支持中心论点是否适合IBT的写作?因为我常常发现,三段正面阐述总会不可避免出现重复观点,或者论据不足的现象。
在这篇文章中,我好像也发现了类似的现象。我感觉第二段与第三段一个论述health-care不能解决pollution,一个论述health-care不能解决自然灾害。我感觉这属于同一个角度。
所以在我的行文中,我试着首先分两段分别独立阐述两个选择的优点(在这两段中两个观点不加以比较),最后一段给出我的比较并做出选择。以我9.1独立为例:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1147809&pid=1774323375&page=1&extra=#pid1774323375
但两位批改我作文的同学,似乎都认为中心体现的不够明确,结构也不是很好。
所以我想请教,面对这种二选一的问题,是不是每段都要对两个选择作出比较才是最合适的结构呢? |
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