【回报GTER】joyce的作文修改铺【13号打烊】

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

178# 宝宝树

没有参加组倒是没什么

要多看看别人的经验和文章

特别是看看精华帖

有空就看看，也当是休息，不然一直写....

就辛苦了~~

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

146# 怒放的生命

改好了

文章结构要再想想

很有进步，加油：）

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

168# Maydaysj

改好了：）

加油加油 看得出来你很有很有潜力

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

169# 大白鲨

改好了

见附件

力度不够，要加强

nieyongUID: 2742661

楼主好人   帮忙修改下  给点意见哈  我修改了很多遍了~~  谢谢啦~

   171. "People who pursue their own intellectual interests for purely personal reasons are more likely to benefit the rest of the world than are people who try to act for the public good."

能够造福社会的是那些纯粹出于个人原因而追求自己兴趣知识的人，而不是那些打算为大众谋福利的人。

      
       Evolving with the development of society, people now have multiple ways of attaining their desire to profit the world. Are people who pursue their personal intellectual interests rather than the people who for public good the ones who benefit the society most? To a great extent, I agree insofar that each person has his strength and motivation in work with interests. However, when considering further there are no distinct differences between the two kinds..
   To begin with, we are motivated to pursue achievement for purely personal reasons more actively and seriously. One apt illustration of this point involves the story of Louis Victor de Broglie, a great physicist major in quantum. In his early years, He applied himself first to literary studies and took his degree in history in 1910. While taking an interest in the experimental work carried out by his elder brother, little by little, his liking for science prevailed, he found science was more likely to allure him to devote heart and soul. Through trial and error, he delivered a thesis about researches on the quantum theory, and his round-the-clock work finally gained him the Nobel Prize for Physics in reward of his discovery of the wave nature of electrons. If he had chosen history as his lifetime career, he would have been merely an average history scholar. Fortunately, he found where his truly personal intellectual interest lies and pursue consistently and laid the foundation of quantum mechanics. Interest is the best teacher, people who pursue own individual interests will have greater chance to success as their devotion to their causes.
For the further analysis, we are able to research in tranquility and do whatever we want without the interference of the will of the government and society. Scientific study is the very thing that requires the peace of your heart extremely. People acting for the public goods will endure more media scrutiny and easily lose in vainglory. Hwang Woo-Suk, a South Korean researcher who claimed to have succeeded in creating useful human stem cells by cloning, therefore become the hero of South Korean and strengthen the glory of the whole nation. But eventually, the truth exposed. Investigation shows that his papers were later editorially sophisticated after they were found to contain a large amount of fabricated data. Facing media scrutiny, the university expelled him and his pedestal was finally knocked off. Clearly, he was forced by the society to accomplish the research quickly and his vainglory to be successful also changed his scientism.
However, as we consider some realistic things, more problems arise. On the one hand, considerable money is needed to do scientific research and we are more likely to get financial support while working for the public, but the pursuers of interest may even have to face the difficulty of survival. One the other hand, certain individual is unwilling to share the fruit of his intellectual work and insist on the copyright of his own, so whether it can benefit the society remains to be seen. Above all, the pursuit of individual interests by researchers should and must not consist of evil intentions that are supposed to damage the welfare of others. For example, nuclear technology researched by warmongers should be forbidden even if it’s their interest. Therefore unlimited free interests can be a disaster.
Simultaneously, what we should keep in mind is that sometimes there is no distinct boundary between the two kinds of people. One apt illustration involves Noble, whose unbelievable contributions to the society are all originated from their own intellectual interests, continued the research even his brother was killed by the bomb he insisted on. However, once succeed; he devoted himself to the cause of the public good: Companies were established to let more people to enjoy the benefit the fruit and Noble Prize was set up by him to encourage the positive contribution to the world’s peace. Therefore, whether for his own interests or for the public good is not contradictive to each other. The motivation can be transformed, but the outcomes are alike.
To sum up, on a less abstract level, we should spare no efforts to encourage people to pursue their own intellectual interests and give them unfettered freedom while working as long as they obey the principles of the society. In addition, reinforcing the financial support and creating a more open and normal atmosphere for the academe is also of profound significance. Nevertheless, if the result are all benefit the world, overemphasize the motivation is not that necessary.

sky3721UID: 2566862

LZ你好，你上次发给我的《argument应该这样写》我已经看完了，对我写argument的思路启发确实很大，感谢LZ，献花~~
(^_^)∠※

我对那篇文章的理解是这样的，写argument要先找出其中的大前提，往往是作者主观臆断的，先攻击它，再找出小前提（如果有的话），接下来再攻击一些小地方。不知道我的理解LZ是否赞同？


希望楼主可以帮我改这三篇.doc (49 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-8-11 17:52:09 上传

下载次数: 2

这个doc里是我想让LZ帮忙修改的3篇文章，另一个doc楼主有空的话只要看提纲、看看逻辑怎么样就行了吧。我有自己的模版，语言上基本是一致的。（我知道楼主很忙的……）
谢谢楼主，太麻烦你了。


这些是提纲 楼主有空看一下逻辑关系如何吧.doc (64 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2010-8-11 17:52:09 上传

下载次数: 0

czj521UID: 2869962

69"Government should place few, ifany, restrictions on scientific research and development"

1. 大部分科学研究是有利的，科学研究不能有太多限制
2. 部分科学研究有害，应加以限制
3. 有些科学研究有潜在危害，也要加以限制
4. 政府可以正确引导和帮助科研，从而起到积极作用
请楼主修改，感激不尽

I agree insofar with the author’sstatement. As far as I am concerned, since scientific research and developmentis a double blade sword, government should put neither too many nor too fewrestrictions on it.

"Scientific research should be keptaway from politics," just as President Obama said when he signed to liftthe ban of embryonic stem cell research last year, too many restrictionsoffered by governments may serve as an impedient preventing science fromdeveloping freely and effectively. Undoubtedly, scientific research to oursociety can benefit society under most circumstances. The development ofcomputer science brings to us a novel living and working style, merging us in apattern of fresh thoughts and ideas, making it possible to communicate withpeople living separately thousands of miles away instantaneously. Thedevelopment of aeronautics enables people to travel to other areas far awayconveniently. The development of astronomy provides information about the outerspace, giving us the ability to reach other planets. Numerous instances can belisted. Simply put, the progress of human civilization cannot exit withoutscientific research and development. Therefore, as government may not quiteclear about a certain piece of scientific research that is presently inprogress, they cannot lend any meaningful instructions to the development ofscientific research. If so, their interferences may hamper some beneficialscientific research.

On the other hand, however, whilegovernment should put science in the first place, the scientific researchesstill have to go ahead with some necessary restrictions. As we all know, somescientific researches can be dangerous and can even contribute to a catastropheof the society. Take the nuclear weapon as an illustration. The successful blastof the first atomic bomb is a milestone of nuclear physics development, whileit also threatens the peace of the world. Once used in military affairs, thesenuclear weapons will lead to millions of people's deaths and secondarydisasters due to radioactive contamination which might last for severaldecades. Well knowing about this, 59 countries signed Treaty on theNon-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons on July first, 1968 in order to limit nuclear proliferation andnuclear research. Consequently, the government should lend suffice restrictionson such researches to avoid the possible disasters under this circumstance.

Moreover, the governmentshould not ignore some researches that seem innocuous but actually possesspotential risks. Cloning technology is a tellingexample. Although it does not damage the society directly, it will cause moralproblems if applied to humans. Some experts have predicted that this technologywill challenge our ethic standards and influence social stability in thefuture. Hence, it is the government's responsibility to control these kindsof scientific development.

In fact, government can play a positiverole in scientific. By funding and guiding, government can help scientistscarry out large-scale projects which can promote the development of humancivilization. As there are some researches which are vital to human spices arelikely to be ignored, such as the exploration of new energy, the development ofour living environment, the research of quantum mechanics and so on. Withoutthe government’s help, scientists could hardly make any progress in suchresearches.  

In sum, in addition to benefiting thesociety, the scientific research and development can also lead to calamities.The government should put proper restrictions on it and give meaningfulinstructions to guide it to the right ways.

ichbinlztUID: 2863718

觉得模板和套路很烦 今天抛弃了以前的习惯试了一篇
但是真的不知道这么的方式可以不可以。。。


TOPIC: ARGUMENT162 - A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer 9 times more chronic fatigue and 31 times more chronic depression than do people living on the continent of Asia. Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat 20 grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phytochemicals called isoflavones, which have been found to possess disease-preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.
WORDS: 377          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010/8/11 22:32:06
提纲大约是：
两方的诊断可能标准不一
soy可能不是主要原因
可能soy不适用北美人
The reasoning of the argument seems logical and the conclusion that North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis appears conducive. However, a few logical flaws render the argument not thoroughly reasoned and I will discuss them one by one as follows.

To begin with, the study cited involves people living on the continent of North America and those living in Asia. Such broad sample involving different nations might be unreliable because of various reasons. Suppose the statistics the study acquired in North America is reliable. What if large proportion of patients suffering chronic fatigue and chronic depression in Asia fail to report their illness because of restricted treatment and lack of basic mental hygiene awareness? And is the standard of diagnosing the mentioned chronic illness the same for nations on the different nations? It is probable that Asian patients might neither seek for help nor report their mental disease while sufferers in North American do. And it is possible that patients in Asia apply strict standard to diagnose; on the other hand American doctors apply less strict standard.

Furthermore, eating certain amount of soy per day is not necessarily the key reason to make a difference. The author did not prove with substantial evidence that it is soy, though containing disease-preventing properties, rather than other possible factors, leads to such results. Common sense reminds me that, people in Asia share few similarities with North Americans in life-styles and eating habits. Perhaps other habits render people in Asia away from the diseases. Such as less time hanging out, using fewer aspirin which might have negative effect on mental health.

Finally, even assuming the soy helps Asians with possible mental problems; it might be too hasty to draw the conclusion that North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis to prevent fatigue and depression. Such faulty analogy overlooks abundant disparities between humans on the two continents. Maybe the rapid pace of life, or more time spent in front of personal computers, or even more frequent use of mobile-phones are the causes of higher percentage of chronic fatigue and depression. And the aforesaid factors can hardly be altered because of eating soy.

In sum, the argument is not well developed thus it is not persuasive.

jinyuungodUID: 2860711

TOPIC: ISSUE131 - "The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."
WORDS: 559          TIME: 00:46:35          DATE: 2010/8/8 15:26:37



In many situations we can see the artsreveal the hidden ideas and impulse of asociety . Besides , we can also find that arts show the mainstream ideas or the artists' personal emotions .
Admittedly , artists live in a curtainsociety and it is undeniable that their works may be influenced by some hiddenideas and impulse of the society . History is replete with examples toillustrating that point . Artists in Renaissance composed works to show the pursue to freedom and emancipation of humanity and try to go across the boundary set by religion . Guy De Maupassant , the outstanding French writer in 19th century ,composed many novels to show people were discontent with the unfairness in that society and indicates some conflictsbetween the laboring people and the upper class . Picasso , a famous painter in20th century , composed his masterpiece , Guernica, which indicates a town was bombed by German to show his anger against the slaughter and this paint alsoreveal people 's willingness to get peace . In light of this , we cansee that arts can really reveal the hidden ideas and impulse of society .
In addition , we can also find that manyarts can show the prevailing ideas of the society . What is most typical liesin the architecture . The style of churches are often tall and slim , such as Cologne Cathedral , to show the great power of deity and god . While we come tosee Chinese tradition gardens , it is easy for us to find them are in harmony with nature . That is to show tradition Chinese desire to go into the natureand their world outlook ,"Man and Heaven are the one ". Under this circumstance , we know that , arts can show the mainstream ideas of the society.
Further more , many art works are just a transient inspiration of the artists and they are composed just to show theiremotion and spirit , not the ideas and impulse in society . For instance , many Van Gogh 's paintings are often quite abstract to show his intense and complex emotions . In addition , some other paintings with the theme on animals or nature scenery can also find difficulty in showing some ideas or impulse of the society . XuBeihong , a distinguished Chinese painter , is famous for his horse painting .His highly skillful horse paintings ,which are of high art value , are just to show his love to horse and the horse's spirit . We should not overstate the meaning of his works to reveal hidden ideas and impulse in society . It can also be seen in some works of Beethoven . Beethoven composed Fate Symphony toshow that he won't give in to the fate and his desire to "take fate by the throat " , which alsocannot reveal ideas in society . IN thatcase , many art works are just composed to show the emotion and spirits of theartist .
In sum ,it is true that many arts can reveal the hidden ideas and impulse of a society ,while we can also find others to indicate mainstream ideas of society and just emotion of the artist.

outline：1、the arts canreveal the hidden ideas and impulse of asociety
               2、show the mainstream ideas
               3、show the artists' personal emotions

谢谢好心的楼主

sky3721UID: 2566862

192# 大白鲨
嗯，是159楼的附件。欢迎讨论。

迷失的心UID: 2838415

多谢善良的楼主

溪汐河UID: 2693863

在和Joyce讨论的基础上，把130写了一遍，啊呀呀，Joyce能不能帮我改了这篇再打烊呀，
谢谢Joyce 给我的肯定和鼓励！

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

There is confusion about whether the destiny of the society lies in how the children are socialized, as well as about the ability of the society to raise children competent for the construction of the society. Personally, how children are socialized, in some parts, influence the future of the society. Besides, the whole society is making pouring effort to educate children.

To begin with, the destiny of the society partly hinges on how children are socialized. It is without significance for the children to be trained to live with the positive climate of the society and able to enhance the negative, namely, to be socialized. Today some children are still taught with the traditional virtues, such as persistence, prudence, and honesty, which enable them to fit into the society through their own efforts and practice, while there also remain some deadly sins, such as materialism, vanity, avarice which pollutes the minds of people and even hinders the development of the society. When truly socialized children become the pillars of the society, they are in a positive position to improve the ethos of the society, which impacts the direction of the progressing of the society. For example, the well-socialized Leader, Nelson Mandela who managed to adapt to the harsh environments of living, like the prison and the racial segregation with his perseverance and flexibility, finally led the black fight for the liberty and equality, and ended the apartheid in South Africa. How he is socialized is crucial for his contributions to the peace of the whole world.

Admittedly, how children are socialized, to some extent, exerts an impact on the destiny of the society, but other factors cannot be ignored. The considerable knowledge, as the fundament of one's thoughts, the curiosity for a certain subject, as the motivation of one's study, and the skepticism, as the resource of one's inspiration, etc., together master the future of the society. Due to the knowledge and data collected through constant observations of the insectia, French entomologist Fabre managed to write the masterpiece "the Records About inserts." Owing to the intense curiosity about the magnifier, Leeuwenhoek successfully invented the first microscope and discovered the world of microorganisms. The key to the bright future of the society is to raise children with these virtues and abilities.

Though there are many deficiencies in the education system, the whole society has been concentrating on educating children, and we have already made some achievements. The generations that have grown from children to adults are devoting their lives on achieving the prosperity and sustaining the stability of the society. At no other time in the history than today have we enjoyed the convenience brought by the inventions of the scientists and the products of the manufacturers. It turns out that we actually know how to raise children who can build a better society. Moreover, the schools make measures to optimize the arrangement of the courses and the forms of admission exams. Also, parents attempt to improve education methods according to their own childhood experience. Besides, the children take part in part-time jobs, activities, and voluntary work to make up for what the schools and parents fail to teach to them. It is not uncommon to find their figures in the eco-friendly activities, technology creativity competitions, and beneficent campaigns. No one can deny that their effort accelerates the development of the society.

Overall, it is every individual's responsibility to attempt to facilitate the way that children are taught with the virtues and abilities, involving becoming socialized, which equip the children to build a better society in the future.