【回报GTER】joyce的作文修改铺【13号打烊】

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

75# yinghui12
详见附件

yinghui12UID: 2855397

91# ppjoyce 谢谢楼主无私的帮助！！也希望你后面的考试成功，取得自己满意的成绩！！

怒放的生命UID: 2754391

恩 ！谢谢你的帮助   我发现我的观点和主题句很模糊   而且重点不够明确
想再问一下，其实，我那两段是想从improve和impede 两方面分别说如何determine   如果我主题句和观点再清晰一些  然后简练一些   还算是偏题么？
范文我看了。。也许还没有理解精髓  要不就是我被所查的资料影响了
语气不重  呵呵  发现越早越及时！我会马上研究！

MaydaysjUID: 2805242

Joyce，参考你的建议改好了，谢谢你，辛苦啦！O(∩_∩)O~~还有个小问题麻烦，麻烦再帮我看下喔~

87# ppjoyce

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

93# 怒放的生命

"我那两段是想从improve和impede 两方面分别说如何determine   如果我主题句和观点再清晰一些  然后简练一些   还算是偏题么？"
我偏题的意思是
我觉得不应该强调determine 带过一下就差不多了
你说的从improve和impede讲，我觉得讲多了~


我是说按我的想法的话，应该是写：“ we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.”
对这个的看法
从各方面来define~


你看呢？

jtdx629UID: 2808303

善良的楼主啊，跪求指点啊，此乃小弟第一次好不容易憋出来的，有快要考试了，慌得啦，求指明方向啊

TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
Grounding on the fact that antibiotics is effective for treating infections and then synthesizing the two studies conducted by Dr. Newland and Dr. Alton, the editorial accordingly suggests that any patients suffering from muscle strain should be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. However, close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little support for the recommendation.

Primarily, the Achilles's heel of the argument lies in the speaker unfairly extend the conclusion to the patients once diagnosed with muscle strain, disregarding the exact
extent they are suffered. Perhaps, antibiotics do not play such an important role in the slight strained patients during the heeling process; conversely, some severely suffered might call for a more strict and effective treatment. Without accounting for all other explanations, the editorial cannot reasonably conclude the antibiotics are a so-called "panacea" for patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain.

Next, the speaker unfairly make the sweeping conclusion that any patients suffering from muscle strain should be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. Yet the author overlooks the fact this kind of treatment is applied to the secondary infected. It is entirely possible that many patients are not that ill, prescribing antibiotics is a kind of over-treatment, or even worse, is unhealthy for the antibiotics takers, especially for those highly allergic to antibiotics. Without ruling out such possibility, the newsletter's recommendation is unsubstantiated.

Additionally, regarding the authenticity of the study, the author fails to consider the differences between Dr. Newland and Dr. Alton that might bring about a different result to the conclusion of the study. Common sense informs me sports doctor and general physicians are specialized in totally different aspects of medicine. It is entirely possible that the two physicians take other two different methods other than prescribing antibiotics or sugar pills, while what really count in the patients' recuperation time are the different methods the doctor take. For that matter, the two parallel study cannot reach the same effect if only we are informed that the two group of patient are treated similarly except for the prescription of antibiotics or not.

What is more, the arguer cites the survey in which the patients who take antibiotics are "40 percent quicker" in the recuperation time. However, the excerpt fails to assume me that the study results accurately predict the effectiveness of this kind of medicine. Not being informed how many people are studied and the average seriousness they have been injured, we cannot ignore the exception that the patients are not that severely muscle strained, or even suffering from secondary infections. Thus as it stands the samples the study cites amounts to scant evidence that the hypothesis has been proved.

To sum up, the author supplies a seemingly beneficent suggestion to prescribing antibiotics as a part of treatment, whereas his deduction is not rational. Were there more background of the study demonstrating that such kind of treatment are widely applied to the patients, detailed information about the patients of the survey, the respective treatment of the two doctors took and the patients’ comprehensive states of illness and the corresponding repercussion time.

美丽太阳花UID: 2798404

祝福楼主好运:)
谢谢

1bueh17UID: 2681271

经过2天的磨练与思考，我又来啦~~~
楼主还记得我么~呵呵

帮忙改下哈~指出下思路，结构上的错误吧~~谢谢楼主！！~~

saisai@cdUID: 2646629

第二篇issue 谢谢LZ的慷慨~
Issue 17。"There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

The speaker contends that every individual has the right to obey just laws and disobey unjust ones. In my point of view, it is unreasonable to categorize laws into just ones and unjust ones. And even though it is a responsibility to obey for a citizen to obey just laws, when faced with unjust laws one should analysis them in a deliberate mind before taking any action rather than disobedience or resistance.

Whether a law is a just one or an unjust one, while appealing in some respects, is rarely a straightforward issue. No one of us can provide a standard to define that should a law disobey or not. Just as the saying says ’there are a thousand hamlets in a thousand people’s eyes’, people’s value systems differ largely from cultures and nations. In some countries and regions, for instance, the abolition of death penalty is still a controversial issue debating hotly in congress. People who strongly agree with death penalty believe that justice is better served in this way, otherwise victims suffered from crime conduct and their families may feel unfair. This is widely believed in Asia countries. However, people who support abolishing death penalty may consider more about government costs and crime’s relatives. This is generally accepted in European countries. In a word, one primary function of law is to govern the society and to control behaviors of members. Moreover, people’s interests to some extent have influence on justifying a law is an unjust one or not. This is especially true in personal affairs. Wherever there is a conflict of interest, there is a debate which usually is turned to laws. Yet two sides of a conflict may provide sufficient evidence to prove he or she is right and at least one side disappoint about final decision of court which represents laws. But it is a basic function of law that resolves disputes peacefully. Furthermore, with respects to laws which forbid teenagers from drinking or smoking, there is no function of laws beyond keeping a society all in order.

Whether to resist or disobey unjust laws is a threshold problem that requires some qualifications. One is that a law goes so far away from human right; for instance, prior to and during the World War II, it is legislate to kill the Jew according to the law committed by Nazi. However, aside from limitation like that, we should not disobey a law easily for that poses certain risks. By justifying a violation of one sort of law we find ourselves on a slippery slope toward sanctioning all types of illegal behavior. Take traffic rules for example, a British people may feel unjust to drive right in US, but if he or she insists to do so, what he or she does will likely to cause a traffic accident which is so dangerous and chaotic and disturb the society’s order. As a result, he or she is probably appointed to damage public security by traffic police. We should take into deeply consideration of which we personally assemble as unjust before we react about it, and in this way can we keep ourselves safe and away from crime.

Laws are born to control behaviors of society members and whether we like a law or not, we have to be forced to pay a fine, pay damages or go to prison when break a law. In sum, it is unreasonable to categorize laws into just ones and unjust ones, and disobedience of laws is never an informed choice unless faced with extremely situation.

xdfwxUID: 2858018

楼主好人啊~~~~帮忙改下吧~~PS:划蓝线的不知怎么回事。。。不管它

"Education will be truly effective only when it isspecifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of eachstudent.

The requirementabove surely can arouse students' interest and take advantage of theirpotential abilities. However, it is very likely to keep them from becomingall-round talents, and whether the ‘education’ mentioned in the statement issuccessful if educators merely teaching things meeting individual needs withoutpreparing students to face competitions and pressure of modern society shouldalso be considered.

Everyone, fond ofdealing with what they are interested in, can create immense motivation whenthings cater to them, which always result in a fantastic achievement. Einstein,known as the greatest scientist in twentieth century with a much higher IQ overordinary people, didn’t even attain modest grades in most courses during hisschool life. Yet, he discovered relativism and quantum theory which laid thefoundation of modern physics. Not earning high scores at school indicates hisignorance about courses not of his interest, but he devoted majority of timeresearching his favorite disciplines and therefore made huge accomplishmentwith his high IQ. As far as students at school or college is concerned, interestplays a role as a teacher who can instruct them to obtain deeper understandingabout their interested fields, and furthermore, they may do some inventions andresearches that make contributions to modern technology development or even theoreticalsystem. If achieving so, they are bound to gain huge confidence, andunderstand their value to community, which can guide them plan their careersand then benefit the whole society.

Even though havingin-depth learning by adopting the requirement above seems of appreciation, I wantto talk about the demerits behind it. In modern society, earning merely oneparticular skill cannot guarantee people a nice position because the complexityof work nowadays is beyond everyone’s expectation. Even a type-writer has tomaster at least two languages. Thus, certain job-related skills andcommunication abilities that are necessary living in society must be imparted. Studentsfrom high-ranking universities, admired by people around them, are regarded tobe social elites. As some news indicates, however, quite many of them even havedifficulties in find a modest job, because they can’t take care of themselvesand aren’t good at communicating with fellows. Then, wining countless rewards andeven making great innovations in their loving areas doesn’tmake any difference under this circumstance.

In addition,education should not only prepare students to compete in society but also helpthem maintain cultural identity and abilities of logical thinking, analysis andcreativity. What the truly purpose of education requires one take in variousaspects of knowledge and skills rather than things only meeting individualneeds.

Turning to theattitudes of schools, there can’t be abundant educational resources to designteaching program for everyone according to their interests and demands. Consideringthe large numbers of students, it is impossible for one or two teachers that isaverage standard for one class to cover all students’ interests, like sports,mathematics, literature, physics, engineering and even more aspects. Besides,since primary schools only teach basic knowledge, laboratories, hightechnological machines or higher educational materials are beyond schools’resources if one is not interested in primary knowledge at all but those high-leveldisciplines. If students can’t be guided by teachers and necessary resourcesare not available for them, great motivation is still useless.



On balance, schoolsdo have to take solutions to satisfy students’ interests, but not by means ofmeeting everyone’s demand. Instead, teachers can provide variety of optionalcourses that cover many areas in order to impart certain knowledge that numbersof students are interested in. Meanwhile, compulsory education should beguaranteed, which ensures students to bring about a better society in future.

In sum, schools havethe responsibility to develop students’ interests, but not to providespecifically designed education for everyone. After all, knowledge of everyfield should be supported by other disciplines and what modern society needsmore is comprehensively developed talents.

yinghui12UID: 2855397

楼主，不好意思，这是我修改后的文章。请再帮我看看。谢谢楼主对我审题方面的指导。
Issue130
"How children are socialized today determinesthe destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yetlearned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
同意
1.
常规教育只重视智力和技能教育，道德和情感教育被忽略了。
2.
由于父母工作，忽略了孩子的家庭教育。
3.
社会上一些不文明现象对孩子的价值观世界观产生了负面影响。
4.
因此，有效地方法是找到能够为孩子提供一个健康生长的环境。就需要我们大家一起努力。

Our children, as the master of the future society,decide the destiny of the future society, especially their thoughts and their behaviors. While their thoughts and their behaviors are more depended on whatthey will be taught in their growth. It is us and our society who teach them in growing of our children. Thus how we will culture our children decide whether we can help them to bring a better society. Unfortunately, though we have a lot of forms of education, such as formal education, social education, family education and so on, we still haven’t found an effective way to learn how to raise our children and help them to bring a better society.

Formal education, which usually is school education, often emphasizes the ability of intellect and the ability of technology, and ignores the emotional and moral education. For the rapidly development of our society and the rapid pace of our life, it is more difficult to find a better and satisfying job, especially when the financial crisis happens. In 2007’s financial crisis, in order to reduce the financial expenditure and exist, many companies reduce the employees, so a lot of peoplelost their job. For making their students seek a better job, many schools pay more attention to their students’ abilities of technology and intellect. Therefore,some essential educations which contain emotional and moral or spiritual education are ignored. Those abilities which can reduce the misunderstanding between people are more important in the growing of our children.

On the other hand, parents pay a little attention to the growth of their children. As we all know, parent is the first teacher of their children. Their thoughts and behaviors, which are so important to their children, have a profound influence on forming of their children’s emotions and morals. But, nowadays, in order to raise their children, parents have to go out for work and earn enough money. Thus, they have a little time to communicate with their children. The negligence of the moral and emotional education has a bad effect on the forming of children’s emotions and morals andthe understanding with each other in future.

In addition, our society, sometimes, may also have a negative effect on the growth of our children. For the imitative nature of our children and with no ability of judging what is right and what is wrong, they tend to imitate all the behaviors that they saw, no matter whether it is right or not. Thus, their world views and value views are more likely to be negatively affected by some negative society phenomena, such as violence and drug.

In summary, we pay a little attention to their emotional education and moral education which is the most important elements of forming their thoughts and their behaviors. Thus, we have not found an effective way on how can we raise them and help them to bring a better society. Our children, who are easily influenced by their growing environment,should be provided a healthy growing environment. Only in this way can we help them to get a better society.

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

98# 1bueh17
2010 08 07
占楼
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ppjoyceUID: 2623631

99# saisai@cd
2010 08 07

第二篇

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ppjoyceUID: 2623631

100# xdfwx

2010 08 07

第三篇

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ppjoyceUID: 2623631

101# yinghui12
2010 08 07
第4篇

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