【回报GTER】joyce的作文修改铺【13号打烊】

darxideUID: 2503898

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1130866-1-1.html

还有三天考试，心里没底呀……希望能帮忙看下，谢谢了~

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

加油o!
相信努力都有回报滴！

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1130866-1-1.html

还有三天考试，心里没底呀……希望能帮忙看下，谢谢了~
darxide 发表于 2010-7-29 22:28

好的 没问题 我晚点看的

现在已经有2篇在等着 等我改完了看你的 不要着急呀

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

17# 追梦小木耳
木耳同学

咱们是一天考作文哒~~之前就有看过你的帖子

你也加油哈：）

互相督促吧：）

MaydaysjUID: 2805242

楼主有时间帮我改下好吗？~~给个指导，谢啦~
TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."

        DATE: 2010/8/3 9:03:28

The dean of Omega University suggests terminating the evaluation system in order to enable graduates secure better jobs. He ascribes their graduates less successful performance in job market to the evaluation system which lead to inflated grades compared with the nearby Alpha University. However, there are many flaws in the dean's reasoning which cause it into question.

First of all, the implementation of a new evaluation system fifteen years ago does not necessarily results in professors high grades assignment since then. There are many alternative reasons why overall student grade average has risen by thirty percent. It’s possible that the professors promote their teaching skills since they know their teaching problems from the students’ evaluation of teaching effectiveness. That's to say, the evaluation system has its advantages that not inflate students grades but improve teaching quality and thus advance overall students’ grades. And what's more, the 15 years is a long enough period which can change many things, for example Omega University have enrolled many more diligent and intelligent students during that time, and they may also have carried reforms in terms of school management, equipment replacement and so forth which can also lead to effective teaching and learning indirectly.

Secondly, the increased average grades of overall students do not necessarily lead to potential employer conceiving the grades are inflated. Besides considering the alternative reasons of grade increasing mentioned above, potential capable employers will take many other factors into account before hiring an employee. As we all know, scholastic attainment only play little part in job market, what really matters is students’ overall ability such as good adaptability, communication and cooperation ability and so on. In addition, the former graduates' performance in potential companies also impact whether potential employers will hire the latter graduates or not. In a nutshell, the Omega University has better interview potential employers for their appraise before arbitrarily assert that "employers apparently believe the grades are inflated".

Finally, why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University may have many intricate reasons. The conceived inflated grade is not suffice in itself to support a low employment. There are many possible distinctions between the two university which may lead to different conditions of employment in job market. It’s likely that the overall quality of Alpha University is better and it has a good reputation among employers which alone can result in its graduates’ better employment. And furthermore, Alpha University may have a more reasonable course arrangement and majority setup which satisfy the society needs and thus help graduates find good job. Or maybe Alpha University have hired many professional job counselors to assist their graduates in terms of resume and interview skills so that graduates can better show up than that of Omega University.

In sum, before terminating the evaluation system, the dean should carefully weight its pros and cons. And also he should interview graduates and potential employers to assure the real reason of low employment. Understanding fully the different with Alpha University is beneficial to playing to its strengths and excellence and avoiding to its inadequacy based on own characteristics.

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

20# Maydaysj
好的 已经开始看了：） 稍微等下哦

chensr1992UID: 2863704

Lz如果有空的话帮忙改下argument..谢谢

TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
WORDS: 544
TIME: 00:48:06
DATE: 2010/8/3 11:30:31


Grounded on the comparison between nonprofit hospital in Saluda and for-profit hospital in the nearby Megaville, supposing that the former one is more economical and of higher quality, the author accordingly concluded that smaller and nonprofit hospitals have such advantages just like the one in Saluda. However, this ratiocination, in itself, weakens the validity of this conclusion.

To begin with, Based on the result that small and nonprofit hospital in Saluda has a shorter average length of a patient's stay, a higher cure rate among patients, more employees and fewer complaints, the author comes into his conclusion that it is more economical and of better quality. However, the comparison is unpersuasive. Firstly, the patients stay shorter time in the hospital and does not guarantee better quality. It is entirely possible that this hospital, owing to its small scale, could not afford enough places for patients to stay a long period. Thus the patients have to go back home or go to other hospital for treatment. Secondly, the higher cure rate could be ascribed to the explanation that people go to this hospital only when their state of illness is not serious. Common sense tells us that if we fall ill seriously, we would not like to choose a town hospital. In this case, the high cure rate of this hospital is quite easy to reach. Thirdly, the author also assumes that more employees and fewer complaints is the evidence of better quality. However, is it necessary the case? As we all know, quality dues to the skill of doctors and the equipment of hospital to a high extent. As a small hospital it is, whether the doctors are equal skillful to those in the large hospital is uncertain. Perhaps the for-profit hospital has more advanced equipment. Besides, because of its smaller scale, the fewer number of complaints patients could be in the consequence of the fewer number of patients. These scenarios, if true, would lead to the invalidity of the conclusion that the small and nonprofit hospital has better quality. Moreover, the author even neglects to provide any statistics about the expenses of patients visiting these two hospitals. Thus the inference that the small and nonprofit hospital is more economical is completely ungrounded.

Additionally, even if the author proves that this hospital in Saluda is more economical and of higher quality, it seems too haste to generalize that all smaller and nonprofit hospitals have the same advantage as the one in Saluda. These two hospitals, possibly being too special to ensure representativeness of all hospitals, make the result inadequate to reach any conclusion generally. On one hand, people in Saluda may be quite rich and willing to donate the local hospital while other small and nonprofit hospitals cannot receive as much donation. In this case, the Saluda hospital, being too special, could not represent all small and nonprofit hospitals. On the other hand, the representativeness of Megaville hospital lacks evidence to be proved.

In the final analysis, this argument is short of persuasiveness, failing to support the conclusion between small, nonprofit hospitals and large, for-profit hospitals. Were there more evidence supporting the assumption that Saluda hospital is better than Megaville hospital and these two hospitals are representative enough, the conlusion would be more suasive.

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

楼主有时间帮我改下好吗？~~给个指导，谢啦~
TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedur ...
Maydaysj 发表于 2010-8-3 17:06

我改完啦：） 传附件上来的 你对着word看看

咱互相学习：） 觉得你很负责，看的出来是先改过才拿来让我改的，改的也很顺利
祝你考试顺利：）

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

22# chensr1992
好的：） 我现在看 稍微等等哦

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

Lz如果有空的话帮忙改下argument..谢谢

TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a p ...
chensr1992 发表于 2010-8-3 17:57

呀呀呀 我改完了呀：）

依旧传附件上来了 你看看吧 有问题再交流，我哪儿说的不对，尽管指出来：）

chensr1992UID: 2863704

25# ppjoyce
非常感谢!~~~~我觉得你说的都很对.我自己也改了改~

    Grounded on the comparison between nonprofit hospital in Saluda and for-profit hospital in the nearby Megaville,
(删掉了那句多余的.现在看看我也觉得那句多余了)
the author accordingly concluded that all smaller and nonprofit hospitals have such advantages just like the one in Saluda. However, this ratiocination, in itself, weakens the validity of this conclusion.

    To begin with, Based on the result that small and nonprofit hospital in Saluda has a shorter average length of a patient's stay, a higher cure rate among patients, more employees and fewer complaints, the author comes into his conclusion that it is more economical and of better quality. However, the comparison is unpersuasive.

Firstly, less time patients stay in the hospital does not guarantee that the hospital provides treatment of better quality.(原来那句我自己也看不懂了)
It is entirely possible that this hospital, owing to its small scale, could not afford enough places for patients to stay a long period. Thus the patients have to go back home or go to other hospital for treatment. Secondly, the higher cure rate could be ascribed to the explanation that people go to this hospital only when their state of illness is not serious. Common sense tells us that if we fall ill

seriously, like cancer, (这时候稍微解释下你说的seriously..---赞同!)

we would not like to choose a town hospital. In this case, the high cure rate of this hospital is quite easy to reach. Thirdly, the author also assumes that more employees and fewer complaints is the evidence of better quality. Is it necessary the case?

Quality dues to the skill of doctors to a high extent while having more employees per person only indicates better service but lends little support to indicate higher quality.(这里我改了下)

Besides, because of its smaller scale, the fewer number of complaints patients could be in the consequence of the fewer number of patients. These scenarios, if true, would lead to the invalidity of the conclusion that the small and nonprofit hospital has better quality. Moreover, the author even neglects to provide any statistics about the expenses of patients visiting these two hospitals. Thus the inference that the small and nonprofit hospital is more economical is completely ungrounded.

Additionally, even if the author proves that this hospital in Saluda is more economical and of higher quality, it seems too haste to generalize that all smaller and nonprofit hospitals have the same advantage as the one in Saluda. These two hospitals, possibly being too special to ensure representativeness of all hospitals, make the result inadequate to reach any conclusion generally. On one hand, people in Saluda may be quite rich and willing to donate the local hospital while other small and nonprofit hospitals cannot receive as much donation. In this case, the Saluda hospital, being too special, could not represent all small and nonprofit hospitals. On the other hand, the representativeness of Megaville hospital lacks evidence to be proved.

In the final analysis, this argument is short of persuasiveness, failing to support the conclusion between small, nonprofit hospitals and large, for-profit hospitals. Were there more evidence supporting the assumption that Saluda hospital is better than Megaville hospital and these two hospitals are representative enough, the conlusion would be more suasive.

hi_logiUID: 2296117

这次还没开始考就准备再考一次的路过

时间实在来不及了.只能搏一搏高频.高频中了就不放弃分数了

ppjoyceUID: 2623631

这次还没开始考就准备再考一次的路过

时间实在来不及了.只能搏一搏高频.高频中了就不放弃分数了
hi_logi 发表于 2010-8-3 20:22

来不及了么？怎么不考虑退考呢？

美丽太阳花UID: 2798404

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1130762-1-1.html
写了一篇艺术类的，请帮忙看下吧。
艺术类的，对我来说，是不太容易。
拜托:)

柏戍UID: 2791754

1# ppjoyce

多谢楼主！！！^^

这是我写的第二篇ARGU，花了一个半小时，还有两个星期就要考试了，进度还是很慢，一天看ARGU的题目只能看30个左右，心里有点急了。。。。

可能是因为没看一篇，就想自己想提纲，可是其实想出来还不如直接看牛人们总结的更全面，而且我想到的他们基本也都想到了，我没想到的人家也想到了。。。

给自己加油吧，希望进度能快点～～～

谢谢善良无比的楼主^^
等我考完也一定效仿楼主，回报寄托^^