Claret-5月全文练习批改

ClaretZUID: 3567572

5月份的作文全文贴，issue和argument都会放在这里。
一层一篇，每篇附有提纲链接。

请在2楼更新目录

ClaretZUID: 3567572

目录：
2楼：Issue 45（45/138）首次全文用时1h
       【评阅两次，修改两次】

3楼：Issue 102（13/46/54/70/102/112/140）首次全文用时47min
       【评阅一次，修改一次】

8楼：Issue 149 （8/111/149）首次全文用时1h37min，时间主要用在查找例子的英文表达
       【评阅一次，暂未修改】（最近期中有点忙）

11楼： Issue 6 首次全文30min【修改一次】

14楼： Argument 97 首次全文42min 【修改一次】
         
20楼： Issue 15 首次全文45min【未评阅】 30min时还有第三点木有写，，，

21楼： Argument 32  1+3提纲 【未评阅】

27楼：Issue 113  用时35min【未评阅】

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45)（45/138） Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


---------------------------------------------题目提纲分界线------------------------------------------------

提纲链接：
Issue 45(138)-Competition for high grades limits the quality of learning - GRE作文互动论坛 寄托家园留学论坛
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1790333-1-1.html提纲链接

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第一次练习：用时1h
    To improve the quality of education in different levels, it is of immense importance to discuss whether it is worthwhile for students, who are from different levels, to compete for high grades seriously. From my perspective, competition for high grades limits the quality of learning at primary education and college education, while it improves the quality of learning in high school education period.

第一句对题干进行同意转换的时候没有忠实原题 原题讲的是limits the quality of learning 你却说什么worthwhile 看来同意转换还要多练习才行
主旨句中规中矩分三个层次讨论 不错  



    In primary education, competing for high grades limits the quality of education because it will decrease children’s interest in study and their creativity, which serve as the two most dispensable characters that should be cultivated in primary education. Since the study in primary school is relatively easy to accomplish, the main goals of this education period, which are essentially emphasized, are to build children’s interest in study and their creativity. Competing for high grades seriously and consistently will force the children to study, putting pressure on them, which might ruin their keen appetite for in learning, leading to the decrease of interest and curiosity. Chasing for high grades, at the same time, leads to the encouragement for students to remember the standard answer rather than think on their own from various angles, decreasing their creativity as a result. Since the pursuit of high grades decreases students’ interest in study and creativity serving as the goals of primary level of education, the quality of education is ultimately decreased, ineluctably and inevitably. For example, according to the research made by the UNESCO, Chinese children can get higher grades than American children of the same age, but have less creativity than American children. Researchers own this result to competition for high grades in Chinese primary level of education.

serve as character 这个表达有问题
直接which are 算了  
force the children to study- 这里或许说memorize materials that will be tested in the exams 更具体一些  

serving as the goals of primary level of education这个放在后面有点诡异
own this result - attribute

总的来说还不错

感觉接下来应该写college  这样符合主旨句的顺序


    During the period of high school education, competition for high grades improves the quality of education since it will make all the students try harder to learn their knowledge and purchase their ambition. High school education serving as the previous period of college education, the main goal of the education period is to study diligently and industriously, aiming at basing the solid knowledge foundation. As the competition for higher grades is intrinsically the competition for the admission to better universities, students will spare no efforts to study under the pressure made by competition for higher grades, leading to the improvements in education quality.

serving as the previous period这个表达很有问题
basing the solid knowledge foundation- building

这段的两个point其实都不错 一个是为了争大学学位 一个是为进一步深造打好基础  
但是连贯不够好  
而且这段略显单薄  


    In college, chasing for high grades limits the quality of education on a large scale again, because it will focus students’ time on examination rather on cooperation and exploration. Since college education is the last time period before students enter into society, it is essentially emphasized that the main goals of college education is to cultivate students’ ability in cooperation and exploration. During the pursuit of high grades, college students, intending to better themselves individually, prefer to study on their own with no communication with others, so that competition among them may prevent them from cooperating with each other. What is more, competing for higher grades costs students a huge amount of time that could have been spent in exploring their interested fields, leading to the decrease in their ability in exploration. Thus, pursuit of high grades leads to the failure of achieving main goals of college education, cooperation and exploration, resulting in the decrease of quality of college education disappointingly and frustratingly.

college education is the last time period 表达
intending ?
During the pursuit of high grades, college students, intending to better themselves individually, prefer to study on their own with no communication with others, so that competition among them may prevent them from cooperating with each other. 太长 而且so that 是表目的不是表结果

总的来说文章结构没问题 思路也可以 语言表达和例证还需要改进



    In conclusion, competition for high grades decreases the quality of learning at primary level of education and college level of education, but it improves the quality of learning in high school education period as demonstrated above.

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以下是修改过后的，第一次修改的部分用红色加粗字体标出，第二次修改的部分用紫色加粗字体标出

    To improve the quality of education in different levels, it is of immense importance to discuss whether competing for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at various levels of education. From my perspective, competition for high grades limits the quality of learning at primary education and college education, while it improves the quality of learning in high school education period.
    In primary education, competing for high grades limits the quality of education because it will decrease children’s interest in study and their creativity, which are the two most dispensable characters that should be cultivated in primary education. Since the study in primary school is relatively easy to accomplish, the main goals of this education period, which are essentially emphasized, are to build children’s interest in study and their creativity. Competing for high grades seriously and consistently will force the children to memorize materials that will be tested in the exams, putting pressure on them, which might ruin their keen appetite for in learning, leading to the decrease of interest and curiosity. Chasing for high grades, at the same time, leads to the encouragement for students to remember the standard answer rather than think on their own from various angles, decreasing their creativity as a result. Since the pursuit of high grades decreases students’ interest in study and creativity, the quality of education is ultimately decreased, ineluctably and inevitably. For example, according to the research made by the UNESCO, Chinese children can get higher grades than American children of the same age, but have less creativity than American children. Researchers attribute the result to competition for high grades in Chinese primary level of education.
    In college, chasing for high grades also limits the quality of education on a large scale, because it will focus students’ time on examination rather on cooperation and exploration. Since college education is the last period before students entering into society, it is essentially emphasized that the main goals of college education is to cultivate students’ ability in cooperation and exploration. During the pursuit of high grades, college students, wanting to better themselves individually, prefer to study on their own with no communication with others, which prevents them from cooperating with each other. What is more, competing for higher grades costs students a huge amount of time that could have been spent in exploring their interested fields, leading to the decrease in their ability in exploration. Thus, pursuit of high grades leads to the failure of achieving main goals of college education, cooperation and exploration, resulting in the decrease of quality of college education disappointingly and frustratingly.
    On the contrary, during the period of high school education, competition for high grades improves the quality of education since it will make all the students try harder to learn their knowledge and purchase their ambition. As high school education is the period before college education, the main goal of high school students is to study diligently and industriously, aiming at building the solid knowledge foundation. As for a student who has the ambition to be an economist, for example, the mathematical knowledge learned in high school will be of fundamentally importance for him, because it will enable him to learn calculus and probability theory, which are necessary for economic academic analysis. Thus, forcing the students be hardworking, competition for high grades contributes a lot to improving students’ learning. Besides, as the competition for higher grades is intrinsically the competition for the admission to better universities, students, motivated by competition for higher grades, will spare no efforts to study, leading to the improvements in education quality.
    In conclusion, competition for high grades decreases the quality of learning at primary level of education and college level of education, but it improves the quality of learning in high school education period as demonstrated above.

ClaretZUID: 3567572

102) (13/46/54/70/102/112/140)Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

------------------------------------------------题目提纲分界线---------------------------------------------

提纲链接：
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1790917-1-1.html

------------------------------------------------提纲全文分界线---------------------------------------------

第一次全文：用时47min
    To improve the quality of education, it is often proposed that every student should be required to take various courses outside his field of study in universities. In my opinion, the arts and business students should be required to take the courses, while engineering students should be not required to do so.

should be not？

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1830872-1-1.html

第一关 基本框架  
这里出了点问题 是我之前没有留意的
you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.
题目要求你讨论consequence  
这一点你需要在主旨句、主题句和中间段其他句子中做到  


第二关 中间段的组织和结构   :victory:




    For arts students, it is of immense necessity to take courses outside their professional fields because the study of arts usually close related to the knowledge of other fields. The economic students, for example, should be required to study some social research courses and psychological courses. Having to collect data from the social groups on their own, the economic students should know how to design useful and effective research paper and how to analysis the collected data for their economic academic research, which attaches great significance to social research courses. What is more, since the economic subject studies the activity and decision of people, students whose major is economic should also be obliged to take some psychology class, so that they can be more familiar with the human nature and be equipped with the ability to think differently and creatively when faced with economic problems. For instance, the professor, Daniel Kahneman, who used the psychological methods to study economic problems, finally won the economic Nobel Prize in 2002.

how to analysis？
economic subject studies ？



    For business students, the courses outside their field of study should also be essentially emphasized for them since they may use the knowledge outside their professions in their work. Illustrating finance students as an example, while the stock price can be influenced by many factors such as the weather, the productivity of iron and the change of a company’s board of directors, the students should have the basic knowledge about how the influence can be put on the stock price by the seemingly unrelated factors. Thus, the finance students should take some courses in different fields, equipping themselves with the knowledge that can be applied in their work in the future.

essentially emphasized ？
Illustrating 选词 finance students as an example？  断句
productivity of iron ？




    Contrary to the students of arts and business, the engineering students do not need to take the courses unrelated to their major fields, because the engineering majors can be put into practice individually. The students study in computer science can accomplish their work successfully with their professional knowledge and skills in computer, the students studying in electrical and electronics engineering can solve the problems during their work with the knowledge they have learned in their professional classes and the skills gained in laboratory. Since the engineering skills do not need to be applied with the knowledge in other fields, the engineering students are not necessary to take the courses unrelated to their major fields.

engineering majors can be put into practice individually？  

The students study in computer science can accomplish their work successfully with their professional knowledge and skills in computer, the students studying in electrical and electronics engineering can solve the problems during their work with the knowledge they have learned in their professional classes and the skills gained in laboratory.  这句要用分号


你在第三关 中间段的干货这里需要继续努力

中间第二段的例子不太合适

中间第三段的干货也不够 只有claim 没有例证 我倒觉得这篇可以写成一面倒 computer engineering 也需要各种数学课啊 经济学课程 人机交互也需要学心理学啊



    Based on what has been mentioned above, universities should require arts and business students to take a variety of courses outside their fields, but do not require engineering students to do so.


第四关 句子加油站  
句子层面的问题不少 请往句子加油站订正和总结  

------------------------------------------------修改分割线--------------------------------------------------
   我把这个题目重新写了一遍，立场改成一边倒，每段中增加了一些例子。
    To improve the quality of education, it is often proposed that every student should be required to take various courses outside his field of study in universities. I agree with the proposal because students can be improved in their major fields if they are equipped with the techniques and knowledge outside their fields. For arts students, taking courses in other fields will enable them to think the problems in their major field in a different way. For business students, whose work can be influenced by different fields, taking some courses unrelated to business will enable them to work and forecast the market in a more effective way. For engineering students, who apply techniques into practice, also need to take extra courses outside their fields, so that engineering techniques can be applied into other fields and some interdisciplinary success can be achieved.
    For arts students, taking courses outside their fields will help them think creatively when faced with the problems in their own fields. For example, since the economic study focuses on the activity of people, economic students, if are required to study some psychological courses in the university, will know how to study the economic problems from human nature and how to come up with the effective solutions. Knowing that people normally averse risks when economy recession comes from psychological research, economists made the plan to adjust the financial market by investing 700 trillion dollars into the market in 2009. In 2002, the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences was awarded to Daniel Kahneman, an Israeli-American psychologist notable for his work on the psychology of judgment and decision-making, for his attribution to behavioral economics by using psychological method. Thus, arts students should be obliged to take some class outside their fields. With horizons broadened, they can be equipped with the ability to think creatively when faced with economic problems.
    Business students also need to take a variety of courses that outside the business field, so that they can be equipped with the ability to work and forecast the market more effectively. Even though the financial market seems to be functioning all the time in some specific places, such as Wall Street, it is actually influenced by some indirectly related factors. For example, if the weather has influenced the price of flower greatly in Netherland’s Flower Option Market, the security transaction and exchange rate in America may also be influenced as a result of the weather change. If the OPEC has changed the oil price, the exchange rate and the stock price of airplane companies will also fluctuate according to the oil price adjustment. Familiar with how the seemingly unrelated factors will change the financial market, financial students will speculate and arbitrage more successfully in the market. Thus, taking some courses outside the business field, such as agriculture and economics courses, will be helpful for business students to work in a more effective way.
    For engineering students, it is also necessary to take extra courses outside their fields, so that some interdisciplinary products can be created. If a computer engineering student takes some financial courses and applies the computer engineering techniques into finance field, he can analyze the enormous amount of data in financial market more conveniently and accurately by using some software. Applying the idea into practice, in recent years, a new business subject called financial engineering, which combines the computer engineering techniques and finance knowledge, has been opened in many universities, such as Columbia University. In another example, Apple products, such as Iphone and Macintosh, have been highly regarded by the public for their concise and delicate design, which brings the users with aesthetic enjoyment. Steve Jobs, the former CEO of Apple, attributed the designing inspiration to the painting course in his university, which he appreciated a lot since he is a college student. Based on these examples, engineering students also should be required to take some courses outside their field, so that they can apply the techniques into other fields and some interdisciplinary products, such as financial engineering models and Apple products, can be created consequently.
    Based on what has been mentioned above, universities should require all the students, including arts students, business students as well as engineering students, to take a variety of courses outside their fields.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ClaretZ 发表于 2015-5-14 14:30
45)（45/138） Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of  ...

As high school education is the previous period of college education, the main goal of the period is to study diligently and industriously, aiming at building the solid knowledge foundation.
这句话表达有问题 previous period 不对  
main goal of whom?  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ClaretZ 发表于 2015-5-14 14:30
45)（45/138） Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of  ...

contributes a lot to improve
contribute to 后面要跟名词或动名词

ClaretZUID: 3567572

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-15 22:46
As high school education is the previous period of college education, the main goal of the period  ...

已在文中用紫色字体修正

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ClaretZ 发表于 2015-5-14 16:29
102) (13/46/54/70/102/112/140)Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses ...

请抽时间往句子加油站 将病句整理一下 如果太忙的话 可以只占楼 晚些再来整理  

ClaretZUID: 3567572

149)（8/111/149） In any field—business, politics, education, government—those in power should be required to step down after five years.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

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提纲链接：
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1789938-1-1.html
我根据链接中的提纲把自己的提纲做了一些修改

------------------------------------------------提纲全文分割线-----------------------------------------

第一次全文：用时1h37min, 时间主要用在搜集例证的英文表达


这样不太好  你可以提前准备 但是真正写的时候要按照考试那样计时才有意义

     To improve the development of an organization, it is proposed that those who in power should be required to step down after five years in fields including business, education, politics and government. From my perspective, the leaders in politics and government should retire after five years, so that corruption can be prevented and the country’s developing blueprint can be adjusted. In business and education fields, however, those who in power need not be required to step down in a specific years, since their network and leading plan can help a company or university develops in the long run.

develops 语法


     In politics and government, it is of great necessity for those who in power to retire after the tenure of five years, 标点或断句 so corruption can be prevented effectively and the country’s developing blueprint can be adjusted consequently. With the officials in the government building their network and relationship, corruption is likely to spread in the government. The former Greek government leaded by Hosni Mubarak, who has no tenure for officials, has witnessed the corruption of many governors, such as Yusuf Abdul Rahman, the banker of Greek Agricultural Development Bank, who has been arrested in 2002 for corruption. What is more, the new leadership every five years will refresh the developing blueprint of a country, leading to the revitalization and flourish of the society. For instance, the former American president Franklin Roosevelt, who came into power after Herbert Hoover, revitalized American economy from the great economic depression by making the “New Deal” according to Keynes’s economic theory, 太长 断句 which finally helped America recover from the economic catastrophe. Thus, the officials in politics and government should step down after five years due to the two reasons.

leaded
no tenure?  
Mubarak 不是埃及的么 汗
what is more 之前这个例子没有展开 你没必要急着写下一个例子
一个例子展开 解释 论证 就很好了  



    In business field, on the contrary, those who in power need not step down in a specific time period, for their network and leading plan can lead to a company’s flourishing development in the long run. As resource and opportunities weigh heavily in the business field, a leader’s broad network will endow a company with the ability to flourish in the survival competition. George Soros, for example, who established the Quantum Fund and became its chairman since 1973, has attracted countless money to the found through his great network, so that he was able to make a short sale of US$10 billion worth of pounds during the 1992 Black Wednesday UK currency crisis, which gave him a profit of $1 billion. Besides, a leader’s leading plan also counts dramatically for a company’s development in the long run. It is recounted of Warren Buffet, who has been the CEO and largest shareholder of Berkshire Hathaway for nearly fifty years, led the company became from a bankrupting textile manufacturing company to the fifth largest public company in the world according to the Forbes Global 2000 list, by focusing on long-term investments in publicly quoted stocks in the fifty years. Based on these, in business field, leaders need not be required to step down after five years.

for后面不跟从句

As resource and opportunities weigh heavily in the business field, a leader’s broad network will endow a company with the ability to flourish in the survival competition.整个句子要改 weigh heavily是什么意思  endow这个词换一下  什么叫survival competition

countless money
the found through his great network
It is recounted of
表达问题很严重
你就不能用一些常见的简单的词把话说清楚么  


你的句子太长了太长了太长了。。。。。
step down可以换个说法吧  




    In education field, it is also useless to require the leaders step down after five years because the network, the prestige and education scheme can bring the university with great development. With broad personal network and excellent prestige, the leaders are able to attract a great many famous scholars and education resources, such as the opportunity of programs, to the university, which will indisputably improve the development of the university. Moreover, since the frequent change of education scheme will make the education in university unstable, the change of leaders every five years will also decrease the quality of education. Thus, with leaders having network, prestige and education scheme, it is better to develop the university according to the leaders’ scheme in the long run, for the sake of the university’s education quality. According to the history of Harvard University from 1640 to 2001, the average tenure of all principals is 13.9 years, while the tenure of the first principal, Charles Eliot, is 40 years.


useless - undesirable 好些
老是step down - resign; leave the leadership position; quit their job; replaced by a new leader  
According to the history搭配  

感觉你现在处于第二关 如何将中间段写得更有层次和清晰  不太建议你写两个例子两个分论点 一段写一个点 一个例子 写清楚就行了
关于长句子 拿去加油站改改 要学会写两个较短的句子 但是很紧凑的衔接起来 好过写一个长句子  
同意转换的能力也要加强




    In conclusion, the leaders in politics and government should retire after five years to avoid corruption and adjust the country’s development. In business and education fields, however, leaders in power need not to be required to step down in a specific years, because their network and leading plan can improve a company or university in the long run.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ClaretZ 发表于 2015-5-17 00:11
149)（8/111/149） In any field—business, politics, education, government—those in power should be  ...

加油 尝试一下把中间段写得简单一些

ClaretZUID: 3567572

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-17 01:07
加油 尝试一下把中间段写得简单一些

好哒！我觉得我的写作思路好像错了

ClaretZUID: 3567572

6) A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

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第一次全文：30分钟
    To improve the quality of education in the country, it is proposed that all students in the nation should be required to study the same curriculum before they are admitted to college. I agree with the recommendation because the students, high schools and universities in the country will all benefit from the proposal.

很帅的主旨句 简洁明了的提出有层次的观点  

    First of all, students will benefit from the recommendation because there will be more education resources they can get. Since all students in high schools or primary schools have to take the same courses, students in one school can communicate other school's students more easily. For example, if a student in New York wants to study in the California for one year, he can go to the school in California as an exchange student, without worry about his credits or courses that he is absent to. If a student has some problems with his courses, he might search the Internet and ask for help from students all around the country. During the communication among different schools, the education resources can be spread in the whole country, which finally benefit the students.

without worry ...
be spread  ...

总的来说这段写得不错  
分了两个小点来展开讨论  


    What is more, it is clear that high schools in the nation will also improve their education quality through more frequent communication with each other. As all the curriculum is the same in different schools, more activity can be held among various schools. For instance, several schools can cooperate with each other to hold some competitions, such as Mathematical competitions. Moreover, teachers can also be exchanged through the communication among schools, so that teachers can also study from different schools and improve themselves, which will ultimately increase the education quality of the schools.

math competition和same curriculum的关系没有写清楚  
在讨论了例子之后要解释这个例子如何支持分论点  


    Finally, the universities will also be improved if the recommendation can be put into practice, because it will be easier for the universities to judge the applying students whether they can be admitted. While all the students have learned from the same curriculum, the universities will be able to judge the students in a more convenient and precise way. GPA, for instance, will be a more important indicator to reflect a student’s ability in learning, considering all the knowledge in the examinations in various schools is almost same. It will also be more convenient to test the applying students before they can be admitted as long as the test is based on the knowledge the students have learned in high schools. Having a more convenient and precise way to choose the students, universities can also gain benefit through the recommendation.


the universities will also be improved 这个说法太笼统 应该是 admission system can be more effective  
applying students - applicants/ prospective students  

universities can also gain benefit 这个也是 要具体一些


    Based on what has been mentioned, the recommendation should be accepted and be applied into practice, so that students, schools as well as universities will all be improved and benefitted.

————————————————————修改分界线——————————————————

    To improve the quality of education in the country, it is proposed that all students in the nation should be required to study the same curriculum before they are admitted to college. I agree with the recommendation because the students, high schools and universities in the country will all benefit from the proposal.
    First of all, students will benefit from the recommendation because there will be more education resources they can get. Since all students in high schools or primary schools have to take the same courses, students in one school can communicate other school's students more easily. For example, if a student in New York wants to study in the California for one year, he can go to the school in California as an exchange student, without worrying about his credits or courses that he is absent to. If a student has some problems with his courses, he might search the Internet and ask for help from students all around the country. During the communication among different schools, the education resources can be shared in the whole country, which finally benefit the students.
    What is more, it is clear that high schools in the nation will also improve their education quality through more frequent communication with each other. As all the curriculum is the same in different schools, more activity can be held among various schools. For instance, several schools can cooperate with each other to hold some competitions, such as Mathematical competitions. Even though all schools have the same curriculum schedule, cultures and teaching methods vary among different schools. Thus, during the competitions, students can learn from students in other schools to broaden their horizon, and teachers can also communicate with other schools’ teachers to exchange their ideas about teaching. During the communication among schools, both students and teachers can learn from other schools and improve themselves, which will ultimately increase the education quality of the schools.
    Finally, the admission system can be more effective if the recommendation can be put into practice, because it will be easier for the universities to judge the applying students whether they can be admitted. While all the students have learned from the same curriculum, the universities will be able to judge the students in a more convenient and precise way. GPA, for instance, will be a more important indicator to reflect a student’s ability in learning, considering all the knowledge in the examinations in various schools is almost same. It will also be more convenient to test the applicants before they can be admitted as long as the test is based on the knowledge the students have learned in high schools. Having a convenient and precise admission system, universities can also choose prospective students more effectively through the recommendation.
    Based on what has been mentioned, the recommendation should be accepted and be applied into practice, so that students, schools as well as universities will all be improved and benefitted.

KssandraUID: 2766998

ClaretZ 发表于 2015-5-17 21:45
6) A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they ente ...

students in one school can communicate other school's students more easily

communicate with
其实网上搜作业现在也有呢。。。还有专门的app付费请学霸辅导功课的:P

第二段感觉没有说服我。。。为什么用一样的大纲就可以提高所有学校的教学质量呢？我觉得有些学校的教学质量反而会下降，因为他们本来可以教更高级的课程的，这种全国大纲就会阻碍这些学校的教学进度了。如果说能给教学质量相对差的学校提供帮助好像更好一点？

我觉得第三段的思路不错！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ClaretZ 发表于 2015-5-17 21:45
6) A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they ente ...

感觉这篇写得不错 中间段要有干货或者说是具体的概念来支撑 才能写得比较好
比如第二点关键是要指出 standardized curriculum enables schools all over the country to share educational resources such as lesson plans and teacher training materials
第三点要抓住the efficiency and validity of college admission system

ClaretZUID: 3567572

Argument 97) The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.
Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. If we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program, we can predict that our profits will increase, too.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

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首次全文时间：42min



    According to the e-mail, the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville argues that a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program should be started in order to increase their profits. He predicts that the program will increase the profits because the decrease in the profits is caused by the decline in the size of the audience, the program can attract new audience members, and the "Free Plays in the Park" once held by Avon Repertory Company has successfully increased profits. A number of questions about what decreased the profits in the Classical Shakespeare Theatre, did the "Free Plays in the Park" program really cause the increase in profits of Avon Repertory Company, and whether the success of "Free Plays in the Park" program can be replicated are needed to be answered if we are to assess the recommendation.

你可以考虑说 a number of questions have to be answered ...: 然后直接写几个问句   
你现在这样后面跟问句形式语法是不对的  


   To begin with, the first question needed to be investigated is what decreased the profits in the Classical Shakespeare Theatre. According to the e-mail, the marketing director attributes the decline of profits to the decrease in audience. The judgement, however, is useless unless more data about the Classical Shakespeare Theatre's price, play quality and cost can be gained. For example, has the price of the theatre been lowered during the years? If it is the lowered price that decreased the income and led to the decrease in profits, then some adjustments should be made to price rather than advertising. Also, did the dramas or operas played in the theatre were attracting enough? Did the theatre cost too much on the advertising? If it is other reasons rather than the decrease in audience that resulted in the decline in profits, the recommendation will be meaningless.


你这段是针对原argument的哪一段？
请往博客289楼看看格式

    Additionally, the question that "Free Plays in the Park" program really has caused the increase in profits of Avon Repertory Company should be answered. Considering the “Free Plays in the Park” was an activity held by the Avon Repertory Company, there might be some other factors that have led to the increase in profits. For example, if the management of the AR Company was improved at that time, the profits might also be increased. What is more, did the AR Company hire some famous and popular actors? Did they make some effective advertisements to attract more audience? If it is better management, popular actors or effective advertisements that led to the 10% increase in profits, the "Free Plays in the Park" program is actually indirectly related to the increase in profits of Avon Repertory Company.

你提问题的句型要调整  
最后一句意思不对
另外Free Plays in the Park 如何理解 是不是指免费的 或者说演出的剧目内容可能比Shakespeare 要更多元一些



    Finally, even if "Free Plays in the Park" program really has increased the profits of Avon Repertory Company, more information about whether the success of "Free Plays in the Park" program can be replicated should be collected to evaluate the recommendation. As two years has passed away, it is difficult to evaluate whether the 'Shakespeare in the Park' program can also increase the company’s profits as the 'Free Plays in the Park' program once did unless some questions can be answered. For example, did the audience living around still like watching programs in the theatre like before? As movies and TV series are playing an increasingly important role in people’s daily life, the 'Shakespeare in the Park' program may not be so popular as expected. Moreover, will the program as attractive as the 'Free Plays in the Park' program? Will the target audience be interested in watching a play in the park? Only when the questions are answered can the recommendation be assessed accurately.

你到段落快结束的时候还在提问题 这个要求就没有时间回应了-Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation

  Based on the discussion above, questions about three aspects -- what decreased the profits in the Classical Shakespeare Theatre, did the "Free Plays in the Park" program really cause the increase in profits of Avon Repertory Company, and whether the success of "Free Plays in the Park" program can be replicated -- are needed to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result.

-----------------------------------------修改分割线------------------------------------------

    According to the e-mail, the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville argues that a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program should be started in order to increase their profits. He predicts that the program will increase the profits because the decrease in the profits is caused by the decline in the size of the audience, the program can attract new audience members, and the "Free Plays in the Park" once held by Avon Repertory Company has successfully increased profits. A number of questions have to be answered if we are to assess the recommendation: what decreased the profits in the Classical Shakespeare Theatre? Did the "Free Plays in the Park" program really cause the increase in profits of Avon Repertory Company? Whether the success of "Free Plays in the Park" program can be replicated?
   To begin with, the first question needed to be investigated is whether the significant decrease in profit is mainly a result of the reduction in audience size. In order to answer the question, more information about the Classical Shakespeare Theatre's price, play quality and cost should be collected. For example, has the price of the theatre been lowered during the years? If it is the lowered price that decreased the income and led to the decrease in profits, then some adjustments should be made to price rather than advertising. Also, were the dramas or operas performed in the theatre attracting enough? Did the theatre cost too much on the advertising? If it is other reasons rather than the decrease in audience that resulted in the decline in profits, the recommendation will not increase the profits as expected.
    Additionally, we need to ask if the "free Plays in the park" program really helped Avon Repertory to increase profits. Considering the “Free Plays in the Park” was an activity held by the Avon Repertory Company, there might be some other factors that have led to the increase in profits. For example, if the management of the AR Company was improved at that time, the profits might also be increased. What is more, did the AR Company hire some famous and popular actors? Did they make some effective advertisements to attract more audience? If it is better management, popular actors or effective advertisements that led to the 10% increase in profits, then simply introducing a similar program in the park would not achieve similar results.
    Finally, even if "Free Plays in the Park" program really has increased the profits of Avon Repertory Company, more information about whether the success of "Free Plays in the Park" program can be replicated should be collected to evaluate the recommendation. As two years have passed away, it is difficult to evaluate whether the 'Shakespeare in the Park' program can also increase the company’s profits as the 'Free Plays in the Park' program once did unless some questions can be answered. For example, did the audience living around still like watching programs in the theatre like before? As movies and TV series are playing an increasingly important role in people’s daily life, the 'Shakespeare in the Park' program may not be so popular as expected. Moreover, will the program as attractive as the 'Free Plays in the Park' program? Will the target audience be interested in watching a play in the park? If the audience cannot be attracted by the 'Shakespeare in the Park' program, the program will fail to replicate the 'Free Plays in the Park' program’s success.
    Based on the discussion above, questions about three aspects -- what decreased the profits in the Classical Shakespeare Theatre, did the "Free Plays in the Park" program really cause the increase in profits of Avon Repertory Company, and whether the success of "Free Plays in the Park" program can be replicated -- are needed to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result.

  

ClaretZUID: 3567572

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-19 13:22
感觉这篇写得不错 中间段要有干货或者说是具体的概念来支撑 才能写得比较好
比如第二点关键是要指出 st ...

好的~~俺明天再改一遍~~
另外，弱弱问一句，
without worry ...
be spread  ...
这俩地方应该肿么改？