Yuki的作文贴

longxue26UID：2687755

今天开始加入狐狸的写作小组  

万分感谢狐狸!

加油!

longxue26UID：2687755

7.13
It’s better to watch serious movies that help people think than to watch movies that could amuse and entertain people.


Movies, which could bring people who are being confused and blind about life   directions and instructions like a sage, at the same time, might help change people who are being discouraged and sad to be happy and laugh with amusing stories. So what is better to choose? serious ones or entertaining ones? Well, I think our life is colorful, so are the movies to watch.

We people have always been lost in the world of confusion and suspension, which barricades our steps moving forward and even stumbles us over. But good serious movies are just like the bright beacon in the dark for us to navigate in the right and safe direction. When I felt helpless after knowing I'd got a bad result in my second time of the same test, I began to distrust my ability of learning and studying. What's worse, I started to doubt whether I had chosen the right way of my life. Then I watched a movie called The pursuit of happiness accidentally. I had watched it once before but I finally have understood the movie from that time. No matter what we do, the important thing is to keep at it and don't give up. Thanks to the movie, it leaded me to think and find out who I really am. Good serious movies are so helpful and useful in some cases that they deserve each of us to watch.

However, like I said before, life is colorful and I bet no one of us hopes to live without happiness and laughter. As everyone knows, amusing stuffs help people reduce stress and even cure illness to some point. In the first few days when I started to work, I was very busy with learning new skills in company everyday and got much nervous and depressed. So after arriving home, watching comic movies became the necessary “dessert” for me. That really helped pull myself out of all the pressure and tension and brought me good mood and high spirit for the next day's new challenges. Furthermore, watching amusing movies with other people could strengthen the social communication ability making us willing and active to share happy things with each other when we laugh together.

Nowadays, there seems to be no movie in which the seriousness or amusement is flowing thoroughly from the beginning to the end. The highest level of humor is sparkling with serious wisdom and the best comedy is a mirror reflecting life philosophy. In Forrest Gump, the way Gump talked and acted look funny, however, each word he talked and each action he took have broken down all the discriminations and doubter, which leaded us to believe we should treat our life seriously and do our best. Like what Gump's mother said, life is like a box of chocolate: if we have to face difficulties and need courage and inspiration, choosing good serious movies is wise; if we want to enjoy laughter and happiness with others together, then call up them without hesitation.

No matter what we choose in the box, chocolate always tastes good. No matter what kind of movies we watch, we have to face ourselves beyond the movie after all. To understand and use the movie rather than to watch the movie is much better, I think.

mollymollymollyUID：2839509

It’s better to watch serious movies that help people think than to watch movies that could amuse and entertain people.
" c# a& I1 x5 s9 D+ z" z* y4 Y
( I( ]) `* I- c6 U% O
Movies, which could bring people who are being confused and blind about life   directions and instructions like a sage, at the same time, might help change people who are being discouraged and sad to be happy and laugh with amusing stories. So what is better to choose? serious ones or entertaining ones? Well, I think our life is colorful, so are the movies to watch. 感觉不明白啥意思 比较模糊 4 P) Y6 n3 |0 q  F4 Z& E" V9 U" t. m& ^8 z# x( S% ]& q
We people have always been lost in the world of confusion and suspension, which barricades our steps moving forward and even stumbles us over. But good serious movies are just like the bright beacon in the dark for us to navigate in the right and safe direction. When I felt helpless after knowing I'd got a bad result in my second time of the same test, I began to distrust my ability of learning and studying. What's worse, I started to doubt whether I had chosen the right way of my life. Then I watched a movie called The pursuit of happiness accidentally. I had watched it once before but I finally have understood the movie from that time. No matter what we do, the important thing is to keep at it and don't give up. Thanks to the movie, it leaded me to think and find out who I really am. Good serious movies are so helpful and useful in some cases that they deserve each of us to watch. . m; h2 @+ u2 @/ X

+ ~3 [# _% {" g5 CHowever, like I said before, life is colorful and I bet no one of us hopes to live without happiness and laughter. As everyone knows, amusing stuffs help people reduce stress and even cure illness to some point. In the first few days when I started to work, I was very busy with learning new skills in company everyday and got much nervous and depressed. So after arriving home, watching comic movies became the necessary “dessert” for me. That really helped pull myself out of all the pressure and tension and brought me good mood and high spirit for the next day's new challenges. Furthermore, watching amusing movies with other people could strengthen the social communication ability making us willing and active to share happy things with each other when we laugh together. 8 J4 |4 M* m) }  P8 W2 U
! ~8 W0 j+ K+ ~
Nowadays, there seems to be no movie in which the seriousness or amusement is flowing thoroughly from the beginning to the end. The highest level of humor is sparkling with serious wisdom and the best comedy is a mirror reflecting life philosophy. In Forrest Gump, the way Gump talked and acted look funny, however, each word he talked and each action he took have broken down all the discriminations and doubter, which leaded us to believe we should treat our life seriously and do our best. Like what Gump's mother said, life is like a box of chocolate: if we have to face difficulties and need courage and inspiration, choosing good serious movies is wise; if we want to enjoy laughter and happiness with others together, then call up them without hesitation. 0 ?6 ~4 ~# X0 \8 K1 ~% G$ U
5 |  v  q  u+ c/ ?
No matter what we choose in the box, chocolate always tastes good. No matter what kind of movies we watch, we have to face ourselves beyond the movie after all. To understand and use the movie rather than to watch the movie is much better, I think." k$ T& {" M- `  u
立意很有深度   文笔老道 向你学习  思路也很流畅 巴不得去看你以前的文章 有吗

longxue26UID：2687755

3# mollymollymolly
辛苦辛苦

我的作文写的不好 我也是刚刚才开始写的...

longxue26UID：2687755

7-14 People should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.


There's an old saying in China that fallen leaves return to the roots. I think it is not only telling us that people tend to search for their most treasurable roots that bring them sense of stable and safety, it's also implying that each of us would probably move in and out to many different places throughout our whole life no matter where we have been originally. So should we live in the city or country all life without moving to anywhere, by which we would never left the” roots”? Or, is it better to avoid living in only one place till death, by which we could enjoy our lives in many different ways? Well, it varies in cases, I think.

When one has been used to one life style, making a change is sometimes just like cutting off the water supply for lives. So is the same for farmers who make a living on the land, even though they know the life is not as convenient and fashionable as that in the city, they would insist it's much better to spend their whole life in the country. For a farmer who loves the nature as badly as loves his life, living in the country all life doesn't only mean a way of surviving, but a witness to all his hard work poured into this land and the achievements mixed with difficulties and happiness. In this case, moving to another place, undoubtedly, seems like a big brush that sweeps away all the wonderful colors on his life canvas.

Human have never stopped the steps of pursuing a higher level of living. Many of us tend to be hard to get satisfied with the current life style we have, especially, after the information communication pervading our daily lives. For some Chinese college students who want to obtain much higher and more professional education in their major, they apply to universities for master or PHD degrees of foreign countries since it's easy to learn about the information on the internet or news. Moving abroad for study is a much better choice in this case. What's more, leaving one place to another, for them, means a kind of demonstration of personal ability and the courage of challenging themselves.

Well, living in a new place would satisfy us with lots of new things and rich our experiences, while staying in the old place would help us establish longer and firmer friendship and appreciation towards current life. When we were very old, it might be discouraging the moment we asked ourselves why I didn't try to move to other places to have a different life way; meanwhile, it might seem to be not important to us that where we had been before, because we were enjoying the life right now.

Keeping ourselves staying in one place doesn't mean we are stubborn or coward, loving moving elsewhere doesn't mean we are greedy or rash. No matter where we are, no matter how long we stay in there, more important, is doing the immediate thing well.

Mr.404UID：2675802

我先改了两段、有点事情要出去。
我真的是狠狠改的哈...有些地方可能我改的有优点问题...Yuki大姐先看看吧

There's an old saying in China that fallen leaves return to the roots. I think it not only tells us that people tend to search for their most cherished（貌似没有treasurable这词的吧） roots that bring them a sense of stableness( 并列结构词性要相同的吧..) and safety, but also( not only 后用but also固定搭配) implys that all of us would probably move in and out to many different places throughout our whole life no matter where we have been originally. ( 提个意见，超过50词的长句最好不要写，意思易模糊，还容易犯句子的结构错误…呵呵)So should we live in the city or country all life without moving to anywhere（转述问题时最好用其他词语替代题目中的原句。你既然下一句问的是同一个意思，就不要重复了，通过重复而增加字数并不好）, by which we would never left the” roots”? Or, is it better to avoid living in only one place till death, in which （应该是in the place吧..）we could enjoy our lives in many different ways? Well, I think it variable in cases. (原句的语法是不对的吧..)

When one has been getting used to one life style, making a change is sometimes just like cutting off the water supply for lives. So it is same for farmers who make a living on the land, even though they know the life is not as convenient and fashionable as that in the city, they would insist that it's much better to spend their whole lifetime in the country. For a farmer who loves the nature as badly as loves his life(这句话有问题，看不懂), living in the country all life doesn't only mean a way of survival, a witness to all his hard work poured into the land, but also（移了个位置，感觉句子重心怪怪的） the achievements mixed with difficulties and happiness. In this case, moving to another place, undoubtedly, seems like a big brush that sweeps away all the wonderful colors on his life canvas.

nunulongUID：2172898

楼主您好，作文已改，修改水平有限，请查收，谢谢！

Mr.404UID：2675802

Human have never stopped the steps of pursuing a higher level of living. Many of us tend to be hard to get satisfied with the current life style we have, especially after the pervasion of digital communication in our daily lives. For some Chinese college students who want to obtain much higher and more professional education of their major, they apply for universities for master or PHD degrees of foreign countries since it's easy to learn about the information on the internet or news. Moving abroad for study is a much better choice in this case. What's more, leaving from one place to another for these students means a kind of representaion of personal ability and the boldness to challenge.(这段话我看得不是很懂。感觉首两句是想说明Moving能够提高生活质量，但是后面这个学生出国的例子并不是很吻合这个主旨，楼主试试换个例子写）

Well, living in a new place would satisfy us with lots of new things and rich our experiences, while staying in a fixed place would help us establish longer and firmer friendship as well as appreciation towards the current life. When we were very old, it might be discouraging the moment we asked ourselves why I didn't try to move to other places to have a different life way; meanwhile, it might seem to be unimportant to us that where we had been before, because we were enjoying the life right now.

Keeping ourselves staying in one place doesn't mean we are stubborn or coward, loving moving elsewhere doesn't mean we are greedy or rash. No matter where we are, no matter how long we stay in there, more important, is doing the immediate thing well.


看完这篇文章，我有一些想法建议，楼主可以听听吖。

这篇文章最大的问题就在于结构不清晰，而这也是托福作文最需要注意的地方。
可以反观一下，文中几乎没有出现任何清晰的连接词，这会让阅读者无法推断你的逻辑和想法，会使文章显得混乱。
所以建议楼主同学多看看范文，OG中说结构可是最重要的啊！也可能是因为结构不清晰这一点，导致了我看文的时候不是很清楚你的立场。最后我得出的结论是你在这个问题上运用的是“依情况而做出选择”这样的思路。如果是这样，也需要清楚的在开头和结尾段表述：我认为不同的情况下有不同的选择。主体中首句应该表明，在什么样的情况下，我认为什么是合适的，然后举例说明。


还有一个主要的小问题在于句子上。
楼主同学好多句子写的很长，但是语法却出现很多问题，导致有些句子让人无法看懂。
一般来说，长句子写在大约30词左右就差不多了。句子一旦很长，语法就容易出现问题，逻辑也会混乱。


呃，貌似说了很多。也许有些地方我的意见也有问题，楼主同学若发现了一定记得告诉我。
还有谢谢你批我的作文哟~~~~大家一起努力啊，我快要考了~~~~~TAT
撒点花...❀❀❀

longxue26UID：2687755

8# Mr.404
真是辛苦你了 小妹妹

花季年龄啊 真是羡煞死人啊 呵呵

不要着急 会好啊

Mr.404UID：2675802

9# longxue26


不辛苦不辛苦哈，阅读做累了这刚好是调剂啊~~能边听音乐边改，HOHO
Yuki应该也比我大不了多少的八~~~~

longxue26UID：2687755

10# Mr.404

大多~~~~了  呵呵

longxue26UID：2687755

7.17

All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are notthis major.

Nowadays, it's undoubted that no one can imagine how the life would bewithout scientific knowledge; however, people are prone to pay most attentionto the convenient products that science makes for us, yet to ignore theimportance of actively learning the basic science. Similarly, some people arguethat students shouldn’t be required to take basic science classes just becausethey are the different major. But I insist learning basic science is sonecessary that all students should attend it.

Science exists in our daily life no matter what we are doing, and knowingbasic science helps us to a great extent both in our living and in thestudying. Whatever field one wants to major in, I think there's no professorhoping to have a student who is awkward even unable to use a computer because theless efficient way he/she studies apparently wastes lots of time of the studenthimself/herself, which of course will do harm to the learning effect of themajor. So in this case, taking basic science classes about computer is not aforced requirement, but a really good and necessary way for students to obtainbetter study on their majors.

In addition, there're subtle but attractive connections between differentmajors and sometimes, these connections need a student of one major to know thebasic knowledge of the other major. For students who are researching in biologywith focus on marine plankton, learning some basic science about meteorologybenefits s a lot since the weather change always affects the ocean temperature- one of the living conditions for plankton. Especially and interestingly, insome cases a bit of interdisciplinary knowledge may inspire one withresearching, even helps with solving difficult problems.

As the wide spread of scientific knowledge, no one can assert that basicscience is useless and needless for a certain major. During the process we usebasic science to enlarge our knowledge ken and enhance the ability of studying,it'll be found that we get so familiar with it that we cannot be apart from it.Because science benefits us in every aspect of our life and learning it is justlike breathing fresh air, it does no harm but convenience and goodness.

In sum, the earlier the students learn basic science, the more efficientfor them to live and study, the more the students know about the basic science,the further for them to step forward on their majors. I couldn't support morethat talking basic science classes should be required even though they are notthis major.

请求狠批!!!

小囧字UID：2752429

12# longxue26

7.17

All students should be required to take basic scienceclasses even if they are not this major.

Nowadays, it's undoubted that no one can imaginehow the life would be without scientific knowledge; however, people are proneto pay most attention to the convenient products that science makes for us, yetto ignore the importance of actively learning the basic science. Similarly,some people argue that students shouldn’t be required to take basic scienceclasses just because they are the different major. But I insist learning basic scienceis so necessary that all students should attend it.

Science exists in our daily life no matter whatwe are doing, and knowing basic science helps us to a great extent both in ourliving and in the studying. Whatever field one wants tomajor in, I think there's no professor hoping to have a student who is awkwardeven unable to use a computer because the less efficient way he/she studies apparentlywastes lots of time of the student himself/herself, which of course will doharm to the learning effect of the major.(这一句话太长了吧…我记得每句话最好不要超过两个个从句…要不然读者读着就会吃力) So(删掉) in this case, taking basic science classesabout computer is not a forced requirement, but a really good and necessary wayfor students to obtain better study on their majors.(加上一句类似 “This phenomena can be seen everylively fields.”之类的句子可以把你的例子再延伸到主题上~这样会不会更好些…)

In addition, there're subtle but attractiveconnections between different majors and sometimes, these connections need astudent of one major to know the basic knowledge of the other major. Forstudents who are researching in biology with focus on marine plankton, learningsome basic science about meteorology benefits s a lot since the weather changealways affects the ocean temperature - one of the living conditions forplankton. Especially and interestingly, in some cases a bit ofinterdisciplinary knowledge may inspire one with researching, even helps with solvingdifficult problems.

As the wide spread of scientific knowledge, noone can assert that basic science is useless and needless for a certain major.During the process we use basic science to enlarge our knowledge ken andenhance the ability of studying, it'll be foundthat we get so familiar with it that we cannotbe apart from it(这三个it是一个意思吧…那后两个是不是可以省略了…如果前两个不是一个意思，一句话里面不可以出现两个不同的指代吧…最后一个it也肯定能省略.which we cannot be apart from…). Because sciencebenefits us in every aspect of our life and learning it is just like breathingfresh air, it does no harm but convenience and goodness.(because of science….,it does no and learning…这样比较好吧…)

In sum, the earlier the students learn basicscience, the more efficient for them to live and study, the more the studentsknow about the basic science, the further for them to step forward on theirmajors. I couldn't support more that talking basic science classes should be requiredeven though they are not this major.

点评时间！

写的好长！这是我的第一感觉….

结构不错，嘿嘿,除了后面有的句子不大通顺…不过这可能也是我自己的个人习惯问题…

你很擅长写长句子啊…. 我个人觉得长句子不错，不过用在开头和结尾比较好，要不然就是各段的总结句…在叙述论点讲述例子时还是尽量简单的写…

结尾感觉稍微有一点的赶了，是写的不耐烦了么？我觉得结尾应该再出彩些。

总的来说…写的相当好了…

加油哦~！

101roseUID：2546525

7.13

Movies, which could bring people who are being confused and blind about life   directions and instructions like a sage, at the same time, might help change people who are being discouraged and sad to be happy and laugh with amusing stories. So what is better to choose? serious ones or entertaining ones? Well, I think our life is colorful, so are the movies to watch.
both的作文我还没尝试过的说，学习下~
We people have always been lost in the world of confusion and suspension, which barricades our steps moving forward and even stumbles us over. But good serious movies are just like the bright beacon in the dark for us to navigate in the right and safe direction. When I felt helpless after knowing I'd got a bad result in my second time of the same test, I began to distrust my ability of learning and studying. What's worse, I started to doubt whether I had chosen the right way of my life. Then I watched a movie called The pursuit of happiness accidentally. I had watched it once before but I finally have understood the movie from that time. No matter what we do, the important thing is to keep at it and don't give up. Thanks to the movie, it leaded me to think and find out who I really am. Good serious movies are so helpful and useful in some cases that they deserve each of us to watch.
这部电影我也看过，名字应该是The pursuit of happyness不是happiness，嘻嘻
However, like I said before, life is colorful and I bet no one of us hopes to live without happiness and laughter. As everyone knows, amusing stuffs help people reduce stress and even cure illness to some point. In the first few days when I started to work, I was very busy with learning new skills in company everyday and got much nervous and depressed. So after arriving home, watching comic movies became the necessary “dessert” for me. That really helped pull myself out of all the pressure and tension and brought me good mood and high spirit for the next day's new challenges. Furthermore, watching amusing movies with other people could strengthen the social communication ability making us willing and active to share happy things with each other when we laugh together.
原来工作了诶~怪不得感觉不一样
Nowadays, there seems to be no movie in which the seriousness or amusement is flowing thoroughly from the beginning to the end. The highest level of humor is sparkling with serious wisdom and the best comedy is a mirror reflecting life philosophy. In Forrest Gump, the way Gump talked and acted look funny, however, each word he talked and each action he took have broken down all the discriminations and doubter, which leaded us to believe we should treat our life seriously and do our best. Like what Gump's mother said, life is like a box of chocolate: if we have to face difficulties and need courage and inspiration, choosing good serious movies is wise; if we want to enjoy laughter and happiness with others together, then call up them without hesitation.
这段好
No matter what we choose in the box, chocolate always tastes good. No matter what kind of movies we watch, we have to face ourselves beyond the movie after all. To understand and use the movie rather than to watch the movie is much better, I think.
有立意有深度，有说理有细节，还有篇幅~拜读了~

longxue26UID：2687755

7-20
Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.

When speaking of businessmen, some people will blurt out: Oh! They smell like coppers! They know nothing but money! Then others will be nodding up and down and shrugging their shoulders. Well, though it's not decent to say that the only motivation of a businessman is the desire of money, I couldn't agree more with that. Moreover, I think there's nothing bad at all to be motivated by desire of money for a businessman.

First I want to ask a question that if not money, what else will make a man desire for in his business. Maybe some people answer the big fame. In fact, without the success of making considerable money, who will believe you're capable and deserve a broad admiration from others? In business, there hasn't been a famous man who is in a high position but with no nickel in his pocket. So desiring for money is the essential requirement for a businessman to survive in this competitive field.

People always say that there is a will, there is a way. In another word, when one pays all his attention to one purpose, he will succeed. For one, who strongly desires for money in the running of his business, a strong motivation is the prerequisite for moving towards success. In addition, the high spirit will, to a great extent, help him come over difficulties and drive others in his team to make efforts together, too. In many cases, the same aim always brings about a larger achievement.

There are many successful businessmen who devoted themselves into charities and helping others. While people are admiring their prosperous careers and kind-hearted activities, many of them tend to forget a route they walked through. That is: no money, no ability to offer help; no desire of money, no money at all.

If a businessman hasn't a motivation of obtaining money, how will he succeed in developing his career?  Not to mention whether he is able to bring a better life to his family or help others. After all, I will insist all the time that the high desire of money is the best motives for becoming a successful businessman.