据说是要给自己的写作作业开一个楼来着~跪求指导！

byebyehakuUID：3124349

话说这是新人有史以来第一次写托福作文。没有背过句型，不知道模板，使用的还是初中生常用词汇，语法错误也难以避免，仅仅熟悉了下各位达人的写作经验、、知道了点一般格式什么的。
这些咱会在写作的过程中慢慢开始积累背诵的……

不过现在，还请各位大人不要大意的拍死我吧~！！！哪怕全篇都是红叉我也无所谓哦~

以下是文章~~！

（8.2）
Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than helpdetermine children's future.


Do what your parents want you to do. This sentence hasbeen obeyed by most of our Chinese people through out the history. It seemsthat with the development of our country, our parents tend to tell us to haveour own choice but never take their words in to practice. We may follow ourparents’ words in the daily life. However, I do believe that we should make ourown choice when determine our own future.

Only children themselves know what they want. There is afamous sentence put by Zhuang Zi, one of the greatest philosophers in China, said “howcan you understand the happiness of a fish while you are not a fish” whichmeans you can not understand one person completely, including your children. Iam sure that every parent in this world wants their children to have a brightfuture, and I believe that is the reason they want to help determine children’sfuture. But we can not say that we will like whatever parents think is good,and a kind of life with the ignorance of our mind is impossible to make usenjoyable.

Children will be irresponsible to their life and everychoice. Famous anchor Chenggang Rui once put an example in his new book said: whenordering in a restaurant, American children will point out their need indetails such as a Hamburgwith two pieces of cheese. However, Chinese children will let their parents dothe order and complain the taste after they get the food, but never orderanything by themselves. It just like children nowadays in China, theycomplain about the bad choice which their parents made for them and the regulations.But when asking their own choices, they can not give you an accurate answer. Tomake a choice for children may help them with a big problem; on the other hand,it will decrease their willing and capability to make their own choice.

People will argue that children have less experience thantheir parents. But parents are not always right. Take Bill Gates as an example,if there is a choice for parents to decide whether to let your children dropthe university or not, I guess there is no doubt that most of them will never letthis thing happened. However, Bill does succeed in business while dropped theuniversity. There is also an unpleasant example. One of my classmates Dan Zi,who dropped the university out of her parents’ willing and go to work in afactory. She has been there of three years, however, her salary is quite lowand even a new graduate can get much higher than her. Not mention the qualitiesof her life. Frankly, I can hardly agree that her parents made a good choicefor her and I do not believe parents without well educated can make any goodchoice.

In summery, parents play an important role during ourwhole life. But it is also significant to let children know what they want andoffer some advices only when they needed.

byebyehakuUID：3124349

本篇是byebye的第二篇
写的匆忙 又是在没有例子可写，  希望大人们温柔拍打……欢迎批改~！！！！

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should manage their own money at a young age.
It’s always good to have a big sum of money in your credit card when shopping. However, managing them was sure to be such an annoying thing that most of us have ever thought of finding a tutor to learn how to do it. If there is a time machine, I would suggest them to go back to their childhood and let themselves to be the best tutor of their own financial management.

People, who are financially responsible adults, must earn money by themselves. As the increasing number of NEET, parents are warring about their children’s capability of being a financial independent person. There is an ancient Chinese proverb said: children who born poor, independent earlier. For they help their family earlier and rely on their parents less. This sentence may not fit for today’s children, but the main idea of it is still correct. According to a social survey by Kyoto University, 87% of NEET do not have the experience of take part-time job when they were kids. That is they never tried to be financially independent, not mention to become a financially responsible person. We can say one way to avoid NEET is to let children financial independent as early as they can. That means you should let your kids earn change by themselves and manage it in a proper way.

Our Chinese people often say “Earning money in order to spend.” But spending money without a proper plan or buying things randomly can not do any good to improve the quality of our life, as well as to be a financially responsible person. It is known to us all that, people improve themselves by accumulating experience and obviously kids are not an exception. No one was bored to know financial management, but if kids never learned or been told this skill, how can they possibly become financially responsible adults? Children may do not understand what they should buy and what they should not at first, but though out times of correction by their parents or by experience, they will establish a “good and bad list” in their mind to distinguish the best benefit object from all of the goods. Thus, be response to the money the earned.

Culture the financial thought is also a significant point to become a financially responsible adult. Once they have their own money, the thought of buying the things they want has always in kids’ mind, and this thought has a big relationship with how much money they have. In order to buy the things they want, they will learn to save, to control their willing. And what they learned will stay in their subconscious and be helpful to be a financially responsible person.

I guess some one should indeed invent a time machine in order to reduce the number of NEET and our level of annoyed by financial management.

byebyehakuUID：3124349

8.4

All school teachers should be required to take courses every five years to update their knowledge.
As a student, I was always appreciate the knowledge of our teachers have. However, as time goes by, I realized that they are humans, too. And scientists, they are the one who actually master the key of the thing we’ve learned. When many people begin to call for a knowledge update of school teachers, I stand in the opposite side of them.

Even if students in school regard what they are learning is the key in one field, we should aware that what we learn at school is only a base of one field. And even the latest knowledge has been greatly changed. The base of it has never been changed. That is, what we learn at school will not been changed at least in a long period of time. One of my chemistry teachers Mr. Wang once said that what he knows is not more than the knowledge told in our text books. But there is no barrier for him to become a good teacher in this field. So, for school teachers, the main aim for them is only to teach our students the basic knowledge of the field they learn, and the basic knowledge is enough for them to be excelled as a teacher. They may update the knowledge by their own willing, but not be enforced.

When talking about the knowledge update, there are some points you cannot ignore. One thing is how schools can possibly get to know whether teachers who work here actually update their knowledge, and how can they measure the effect. The answer in China is quite simple: let the teachers take part in courses and let the examination to measure the effect. It is indeed a good idea. However, it will give school a big burden of the cost of the tutor courses. We all know that there are still a plenty of areas in China do not have the ability to build enough school to fulfill the education requirement of local children, even Beijing, the capital of China, cannot deal with the children who lived in countryside want to be educated in urban area. It is more meaningful to spend money in building schools for this kind of children than in some insignificant things. Another point is no one can guarantee the quality of teaching during the course time, and the time teacher spend on preparing their own course will be occupied by taking updating courses. Thus, on contrarily, the quality of education will disappoint us.

Some people may argue that teachers have the duty to teach them if students want to know the latest development on some point. As the development of the Internet nowadays, at a premise that they do know how to use the computer, our students must acquired the ability to find the answer on the Internet by themselves and they must know that their teachers are not the God. Even my 4-year-old sister Mary says that Internet knows much more than her teachers, how can the students don’t know that.

In a conclusion, we should spend more energy and money in letting more children been well educated instead of in acquiring the knowledge update of our teachers. They have the freedom to update the knowledge they want to, and maybe we should add one sentence in schools’ regulation: “Tell your students you are not the God”.

byebyehakuUID：3124349

All school teachers should be required to take courses every five years to update their knowledge.
As a student, I was always appreciate the knowledge of our teachers have. However, as time goes by, I realized that they are humans, too. And scientists, they are the one who actually master the key of the thing we’ve learned. When many people begin to call for a knowledge update of school teachers, I stand in the opposite side of them.

Even if students in school regard what they are learning is the key in one field, we should aware that what we learn at school is only a base of one field. And even the latest knowledge has been greatly changed. The base of it has never been changed. That is, what we learn at school will not been changed at least in a long period of time. One of my chemistry teachers Mr. Wang once said that what he knows is not more than the knowledge told in our text books. But there is no barrier for him to become a good teacher in this field. So, for school teachers, the main aim for them is only to teach our students the basic knowledge of the field they learn, and the basic knowledge is enough for them to be excelled as a teacher. They may update the knowledge by their own willing, but not be enforced.

When talking about the knowledge update, there are some points you cannot ignore. One thing is how schools can possibly get to know whether teachers who work here actually update their knowledge, and how can they measure the effect. The answer in China is quite simple: let the teachers take part in courses and let the examination to measure the effect. It is indeed a good idea. However, it will give school a big burden of the cost of the tutor courses. We all know that there are still a plenty of areas in China do not have the ability to build enough school to fulfill the education requirement of local children, even Beijing, the capital of China, cannot deal with the children who lived in countryside want to be educated in urban area. It is more meaningful to spend money in building schools for this kind of children than in some insignificant things. Another point is no one can guarantee the quality of teaching during the course time, and the time teacher spend on preparing their own course will be occupied by taking updating courses. Thus, on contrarily, the quality of education will disappoint us.

Some people may argue that teachers have the duty to teach them if students want to know the latest development on some point. As the development of the Internet nowadays, at a premise that they do know how to use the computer, our students must acquired the ability to find the answer on the Internet by themselves and they must know that their teachers are not the God. Even my 4-year-old sister Mary says that Internet knows much more than her teachers, how can the students don’t know that.

In a conclusion, we should spend more energy and money in letting more children been well educated instead of in acquiring the knowledge update of our teachers. They have the freedom to update the knowledge they want to, and maybe we should add one sentence in schools’ regulation: “Tell your students you are not the God”.

羊小咩89UID：2848665

不好意思。。今天网络有问题，刚才上来
作文明天给你你哈~

paooozhixia163UID：2588527

话说我怎么找不到你的交作业的源地址呢？？？
搜你的名字才找到这里来！！！
我们是一个小组的，欢迎来改我的https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=1

paooozhixia163UID：2588527

8月4日，给你改好了！！

米陌UID：2663269

改好了~欢迎改我的~

byebyehakuUID：3124349

7# paooozhixia163
话说yiyi桑改的好细~~~我又看了一遍后的确发现自己写着写着容易跑题的现象，例子举得也有点怪异

而且自己写作太随心所欲，脑袋里想起什么，也不管语法、单词，就硬往里面套这点真的是很有必要改正……

一会儿发去给yiyi桑的批改~

byebyehakuUID：3124349

今天 byebye真的是延误到死了……尽量避免有下次~~欢迎批改~！！！！

Printed books are greater effects on the society than television has.

Nowadays, with the help of televisions people get to know the latest news in a second, and entertain themselves by watching amusing programs. Some people said that with the age of television’s coming, televisions will become one of the main media transmissions of knowledge instead of printed books. That kind of words may not be true, but we have to admit that our society has been changed greatly by televisions in both the way people live their life and the speed of development.

The most extraordinary effect is that television changed the way people live their life. With televisions, people get more private time to spend alone and keep contract with the world at the same time. That means we can know the world better with visual pictures and voices, no matter what we are doing at the same time. My mother once told me before her family has a television. She played games with her neighbors and got news through gossips from her neighbors. This kind of life which controlled by printed books is a typical one people have during the past several centuries. Sadly, what printed books did which makes our life different from the ancient one was only the way of keeping knowledge. We still learned new knowledge alone and got news by contacting with others like our ancestors. While, with televisions we get news much quicker without any contraction.

Another great effect made by Televisions is it speeds up the development in ever corner of the world. In the past, when a scientist made a new invention, the reporters would have an interview with the inventor and wrote down the content, waiting to be published in newspapers sent by shops. It may seem easy to be known by the public. However, it usually took months or even years to get to the producer link of this business chain for advances of this invention may not been expressed perfectly by words, not mention the client end. So, how about the situation today? Once an invention has been invented, reporters will introduce it to the public through TV programs with visual pictures. Within one day, all the producers who have interest in this invention will call the inventor and turn the invention into their production. Then, clients will get to know this production by advertisements which been on TV all day long through television. It is obviously that which one takes new technology into practice easier and quicker.

At last, I have to explain a conception complex. Printed books have a long effect on human’s history, but when talking about how great it affected our society, the effect of printed books seems to lose its unmovable place, comparing with the effect of television. We have to make it clear that longer effect not equals to greater effect. What television gives us is a totally new way of information transmission. With pictures and voices, much more convenient for people to understand what the program or the advertisements want to tell us. While printed books offer us information by words. Just like our ancestor transmitted by speaking.

In conclusion, televisions make a remarkable progress in human’s history and totally change the way of transformation in a short time when compared with printed books’ effect. Television are greater effect our society than printed books.

xieqy0326UID：2653877

改好了~~

byebyehakuUID：3124349

8.6 独立~~~
The advice from the grandparents is of no use to their grandchildren because the world has changed a lot over the past 50 years.

Grandparents always want to become the lighthouse of your life, picking out the weakness of yours. And always try to babble some old things to you. It seems they can not just stay in their house silently or act as a lovely retired couple, offering you delicious food in festivals. I guess most of the young people nowadays can not agree with the sentences any more. But, are your grandparents’ nagging that much useless? As a young person I take the opposite view.

We have to admit that the world has changed over the years and the world nowadays is no longer the one which was acquainted with your grandparents. However, the truth of this world never changed. Just as the books written by Confucius. Thousands of years passed and our world has changed more than ten times, people still regard the works of Confucius as the lighthouse in their life, reading and reciting the articles from the books. We never feel any barrier nor useless when take the advices from the books wrote thousands years before. It is easy for us to follow the old proverbs while ignored the advices from our grandparents based on the world 50 years earlier. And maybe in the short 50 years, some truths of the life embodied in their lives. Or a new understanding of life which you probably do not have at such a young age.

You should believe in your grandparents, they experienced more than you think. And they are more considerate when dealing with most of the situations you never faced with. All of young people tend to pretend diplomatic in front of others and they do believe they already have enough social experiences to deal with anything. My grandparents regard the virtual world on the Internet as a danger. They will not believe even a word from it and try to warn me to be careful when chatting with strangers on net. I never take their advices until one of my friends Dan was cheated by a friend online. She trusted the friend and talked everything with him. When he borrowed some money for her, she gave him even without any thinking, saying he promise he will return the money. But the man never appeared. My grandparents do not know the way of cheating online, but they do understand how people think by their experiences. Their nagging may not always useful, but it’s much better to prevent than to regret.

The world may has changed over the past 50 years, while your grandparents do know the rules of getting along with the people 1 or 2 decades younger than them, and these younger person in the past may become your boss already or at the same age with your boss. Some advices from your grandparents will certainly help you smooth the relationship with your boss. Dick, a friend of mine who has a job already mentioned the cold relationship with his bosses frequently. And the ways he solves this problem are either to take courses of office relationship or to read the books on that. But never does he want to ask his grandparents for help.

In conclusion, from your grandparents’ advices you can get to know the truth of life you never heard of and get the experiences on getting along with old people. Also, their worry is a good warning for you to prevent some potential dancers.

byebyehakuUID：3124349

11# xieqy0326

谢谢你的批改~~
你说的我的几个论点的先后顺序的问题我也好好想了下，的确是有点问题 看来之后列提纲的时候还是需要多想想的~
还有……我的第二段确实错的有点离谱了，很多句子自己现在看来都不知道在写什么……
总之~谢谢~~~

sixjjleighUID：2918719

The advice from the grandparents is of no use to their grandchildren because the world has changed a lot over the past 50 years.

Grandparents always want to become the lighthouse of your(their grandchildren's) life, picking out the weakness of yours(them). And (they) always try to babble some old things to you. 该句缺主语。It seems they can not just stay in their house silently or act as a lovely retired couple, offering you delicious food in festivals. I guess most of the young people nowadays can not agree with the(指代不明确，用their比较好) sentences any more. But, are your grandparents’ nagging that much useless(uselessness)? As a young person, I take(hold) the opposite view.

We have to admit that the world has changed over the (加上past 50) years and the world nowadays is no longer the one which was acquainted with your grandparents. However, the truth of this world never changed. Just as the books written by Confucius. Thousands of years passed and our world has changed more than ten times, people still regard the works of Confucius as the lighthouse in their life, reading and reciting the articles from the books. We never feel any barrier nor useless(uselessness) when take the advices(advice) from the books wrote(written,被动) thousands (of) years before. It is easy for us to follow the old proverbs while ignored the advices(advice,注意不可数) from our grandparents based on the world 50 years earlier. And maybe in the short 50 years, some truths of the life embodied in their lives. Or a new understanding of life which you probably do not have at such a young age.

You should believe in your grandparents, they experienced more than you think. And they are more considerate when dealing with most of the situations you never faced with. All of young people tend to pretend diplomatic in front of others and they do believe they already have enough social experiences to deal with anything. My grandparents regard the virtual world on the Internet as a danger. They will not believe even a word from it and try to warn me to be careful when chatting with strangers on net. I never take their advices(advice) until one of my friends Dan was cheated by a friend online. She trusted the friend and talked everything with him. When he borrowed some money for her, she gave him even without any thinking, saying he promise he will return the money. But the man never appeared (since then). My grandparents do not know the way of cheating online, but they do understand how people think by their experiences. Their nagging may not always (be) useful, but it’s much better to prevent than to regret.

The world may has changed over the past 50 years, while your grandparents do know the rules of getting along with the people 1 or 2 decades younger than them, and these younger person in the past may become your boss already or at the same age with your boss. Some advices(advice) from your grandparents will certainly help you smooth the relationship with your boss. Dick, a friend of mine who has a job already mentioned the cold relationship with his bosses frequently. And the ways(way/method...) he solves(solved) this problem are(is) either to take courses of office relationship or to read the books on that. But never does he want to ask his grandparents for help.

In conclusion, from your grandparents’ advices(advice) you can get to know the truth of life you never heard of and get the experiences on(utilize the experience on) getting along with old people. Also, their worry is a good warning for you to prevent some potential dancers(dangers).

carol0607UID：3022610

~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1284071&extra=&page=3

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